January 30, 2016

This week: NFL season comes to a close, UFC news, Parenting Story, and more...

Manning rides his battered Bronco into the Bay Area - The NFL Conference Title games went in opposite directions from each other and certainly didn't fit the expectations of most prognosticators.  Denver defended home-field with a tenacious, pressuring assault on Tom Brady and still had to sweat it out at the end of a 20-18 battle.  Meanwhile Carolina totally torched a Cardinals team that looked horribly outmatched in every phase of the game.  Heading into to Super Bowl week its fairly obvious that most of America is preparing for a Panther rout.  The extra week of preparation is the X-factor when it comes to the Super Bowl as both teams can iron out any gameplan tendencies that their opponent can exploit.  The chess match began Monday morning this week and while I still expect the Panthers to throttle Denver to a tune of 45-10, I'm really hoping for a 24-21 nailbiter.  Either way I'll be watching the commercials.  For fun, here's one of my faves.  It really struck a chord with me in that "American Spirit" kinda way.  Plus, who doesn't love Paul Harvey?

Newton haters?? - A frequent talking point this week was "Cam Newton is disrespected because he's (insert negative term here)".  Loud, irreverent, unsportsmanlike, selfish, arrogant, immature, depending on who you were listening to.  What bugged me about all this coverage was the fact that I never saw anyone actually report that, or write that, or assert the first-person position that Cam Newton is a loud-mouthed bum who doesn't deserve to play in the NFL or anyone go that extra step and vilify him because of his race.  I heard people talking about people who felt that way, but I never saw a specific example of that negative posturing.  It feels like a bunch of bluster over nothing.  Or worse, veiled negative commentary presented from a second-person POV.  For the record, I have no issues with Cam as a player (and have no opinion on him as a person, but he seems like a swell guy).  He's big, athletic, and committed to winning while honing his craft.  I have zero opinion on his race since I believe race is only an issue because people make it an issue.  Lots of intolerance based on race goes away when we ignore race altogether and assess character instead.  He's a great quarterback having an MVP campaign this season; just tip your cap to the man and wish him good health.  And I'm a Falcons fan :)  Btw, if you have some hard evidence of someone taking an assertive stance on "Cam sucks and here's why", then I'd like to examine it.  

UFC took it on the chin this week - UFC 196 was slated as the marquee Super Bowl weekend PPV featuring the granddaddy of 'em all, a heavyweight title fight.  Unfortunately both the champ Fabricio Werdum and the challenger (and former champ) Cain Velasquez suffered injuries which forced the UFC to make a bold, unprecedented move and scrap the main event altogether, elevate the co-main event and strip the PPV status from this card.  Now, everyone will get another free card on FS1.  Mark it on your calendar!! Saturday February 6, 10pm EST.

And now you know... - The term "bury the hatchet" traces back to Native American culture when warring tribes would settle their differences peacefully and as a symbolic show of good faith they would bury a hatchet.  The inverse is true, too.  If either side wanted to express an end to peace time, they would dig up the hatchet, tap gloves, and wait for Big John McCarthy to scream "LET'S GET IT ON!!".  And now you know.*

I still have no game, but neither does Russell Wilson - I stumbled across this little tidbit and laughed out loud for several minutes, and I couldn't exactly pinpoint why it was so funny to me.  I guess I just identified with that juvenile practice of feigning being suave and debonair like some corny rom-com where the nerd makes all the right moves despite the supreme embarrassment.  That, and Russell Wilson getting burned on Twitter just seemed really hilarious at the time. 

I'm pro-vaccination and not afraid to toss this out there - I fall squarely in the pro-vaccination camp, but don't really enjoy the social awkwardness that comes with discussing this with friends.  So, I'll let my new favorite snarky YouTube sensation ZDogg MD express my sentiments for me.

Parenting Storytime - Last weekend the weatherman dumped about 4 inches of snow and sleet in our area.  24 hours after it began things had settled down and I began the arduous shoveling process that never plagued me in my four years living in Florida (I'd still take shoveling snow over anything in Gainesville....except Tijuana Flats, I love me some Tijuana Flats).  H1 joined me outside as I started to dig out a path for my Swagger Wagon to safely exit our driveway.  I quickly became equal parts exhausted and self-conscious that my busybody neighbor and the snot-nosed punks down the street were watching me wondering how many times I was gonna fake talking to my son when, in fact, I was taking a breather between every third shovel hoist.  "Honey, come watch the big guy across the street act like he's chatting with his two year old".  I was able to slice a path in the meager icepack and had discarded the chunks of mini-icebergs in my yard with each shovel toss.  I then moved to the windshield of the van, opposite of my driveway swath, and started sweeping off the powder and ice.  Meanwhile, H1 is meandering around playing with his cars and scooter and what-not.....I thought.  I spent about ten minutes hyperfocused on achieving clear driving visibility and returned to the rear of the van only to find that my son had moved more than 25 mini-icebergs "back where they go".  Yep, he'd spent ten minutes walking back-and-forth putting the snow back behind the van because he likes for things to be where they belong.  And that is where they stayed, no more shoveling for this walrus.

*courtesy of The Book of Useless Knowledge by Dan Voorhees

January 22, 2016

This week I'm taking a departure from the normal format and dedicating most of my word count to one topic: Being a Dad.  This post has been bouncing around my head for a month and I wanted to get some stuff out there to maybe start painting the mosaic of being a parent, specifically a father.  I recognize that I'm just one person with one story and I'd like to share it and invite others to share their story too.

Real Talk: Dad Life - I'm fortunate to be a Stay-at-home Dad (SAHD).  My wife works very hard to provide for us and does an excellent job juggling the challenges of being a working Mom in a single income household.  The kids love her and get so excited when they see her after a long day.  I've been in the role of primary caregiver for nearly three years and I've encountered copious rewards and benefits that I never imagined or anticipated when we made the decision for me to stay home with a newborn baby.  Of course, becoming a parent is such an immersive experience.  It just happens one day, regardless of how much stuff you buy at Babies R Us or books you read, one day you aren't a parent and the next day you are and you better start figuring things out pretty quick.  Its like being dropped into Mongolia from a helicopter with a toothbrush and an English-to-Cantonese-to-Mongolian translation book.  You just have to figure it out.  

My SAHD evolution has moved from bummed self-doubt in Year One to encouraged self-awareness in Year Two to enlightened self-confidence in Year Three.  I feel like I'm moving up the levels of Scientology, but without the threat of a bankrupting Ponzi scheme fleecing my life savings.  In short, I love being a SAHD and my wife is completely, unwaveringly supportive of my role in our family.  But we certainly represent the minority segment of the stay-at-home parent community and while the idea of a Dad staying home is becoming more accepted in a general sense, the day-to-day life of a SAHD is a little bit different from its Stay-at-home Mom counterpart.  Here are some of the things I've encountered once, twice, or a thousand times in the last three years:

"Mr. Mom" - I'm generally pretty irreverent and can see the humor in things that some more-uptight folks might find offensive, but this one is where I draw the line because its an insult to both me and my wife.  Its intent isn't malicious (you'll see as we go that most of the comments aren't meant to be insulting, but that's actually part of the problem....I'll explain as we go), but it hits me like a fridge being dropped on my foot.  Essentially, you're espousing an outdated gender role assumption with two simple words.  Moms are meant to be the primary caregiver and Dads are meant to be the breadwinners.  And when faced with the reversal of these roles this ignorant, juvenile nickname pops out to acknowledge the subconscious confusion, or even disapproval, of this household dynamic.  Parenting would be much better off if support and encouragement popped out of people's mouths rather than mocking disapproval.

"Dads Don't Babysit...Its called Parenting" - I don't wear message tees.  I prefer to stay nondescript and generic in the background of people's day with my assortment of plaid button-downs and cargo pants.  But I have a black t-shirt with this message on it in big bold letters and I've worn it three times in nearly 6 months and its garnered some attention.  The first day is the most notable to show the spectrum of people I encounter when I'm out with my kids (read: when I'm obviously a Dad).  The first person that said something was a peer, a fellow Dad who briefly shared a story of "making that mistake the first time my wife left me with our son".  The second was a sweet, older woman in her 70s who expressed her sincere approval and wished more Dads were like me.  Finally, a very early 20-something girl pushed my tolerance of passive, backhanded judgment to the brink.  I had my 6-month old daughter in-hand and my 2 y/o son in-tow and the diaper bag slung-shouldered.  Upon seeing me and reading my shirt she said "Dads don't babysit, but uhhhhh" and pointed very cross-faced at my kids.  I responded "I'm not babysitting, its called parenting, read the rest of the shirt".  She sheepishly backed away from the counter and the young lady who actually was helping us turned her charm up to 11 and salvaged an uncomfortable moment for everyone.  

• "Oh boy, looks like you've got your hands full"
• "Looks like somebody got stuck with the kids today"
• "Do you need some help putting her in the high chair?"
• "Oh they're so cute, did Mom get the day off?"
• "Where's Mommy today?"

And every variation of those comments and then some.  Each one of them on their own is a completely banal, harmless acknowledgement of me and my kids, but the collection of them over the course of a month is death by a thousand cuts.  It clearly suggests that the community isn't quite ready for someone like me; a perfectly capable parent of two small children who isn't phased or rattled by the challenges of rolling solo "without Mom".  I don't suspect that being a SAHD has anything to do with these comments, in fact I'd really like to hear from all the hardworking Dads out there about their experience when they go out to Chick-fil-A or Target or Lowe's as a solo parent.  I imagine that simply being a Dad invites this treatment.  I've developed a litmus test for whether I should be offended or not.  I ask myself "would they say that to a Mom in this situation?".  If they wouldn't I file it away as yet another example of how much room for improvement society needs.  For the record, I've never mouthed off to any of these comments.  I instead just shake my head, roll my eyes and move on.  

"I don't really like you in that way" - I heard that refrain countless times through adolescence, but in my late 30s, as a happily married husband of nearly 7 years and out of the dating pool for over 10, I didn't expect to encounter this new twist on an old classic.  I've never actually had a stay-at-home Mom say this to me, but the subtle, nonverbal expression pops up over and over.  One of the most profound components of being a stay-at-home parent is the isolation, particularly as a male.  I'm on the leading edge of a movement that, while embraced by the general public as progressive and positive, still limits the day-to-day interaction and support needed for a SAHD to thrive and feel accepted.  SAHMs have an established tribe that meet up at Chick-fil-A, schedule playdates at the spur of the moment, go to wine-tastings, and generally support each other with the shared experiences of primary parenting.  I've yet to find that acceptance among Dads, mainly because I don't come across a lot of guys that look like me out in the world.  Sure, on a Saturday morning at Target I may see the occasional "Dad with kids" but they're typically older kids at a different stage of the parenting journey.  But I assure you on a Tuesday morning when I'm walking through Sam's Club buying formula and killing time before school pickup I see about 10-12 Moms with young kids and zero Dads with young kids.  Being social comes natural to me, but when I'm faced with chatting up SAHMs there's a tendency to default to the old high school dynamics of being hit on and having to play the "I have a boyfriend (read: husband)" card.  As a dude, I don't have the option to honestly, genuinely engage a fellow stay-at-home parent (Mom) in a conversation and develop a playdate buddy or even just a friend to meet up with on a Tuesday morning while I kill time at Chick-fil-A (Aside: I spend far too much time at Chick-fil-A).  

A real-life example: Storytime! I was at the playground with the family (wife & kids; which already every Mom in the area should be disarmed by the presence of my wife, but nope) and E and I met a Mom we'll call "Shelby".  Shelby's husband ("Mitch") was "out for a run in the park" while she and her 18 month old played on the swings.  E and I both chatted with her and found her very charming and pleasant.  E wandered off with H1 to check out the ducks and I hung back at the swings with H2 and chatted with Shelby for about 10 mins until Mitch returned, also very nice and pleasant.  It comes time to do the semi-awkward phone number exchange and here's where the unexpectedly bizarre part happened.  Mitch's phone was in the car, so he took her phone and put in my number and then said he would text me from his phone when they got home.  Uhhhh, ok.  I'm just naive enough to have never seen this coming.  My conclusion was that he didn't want his wife texting some dude they've both met at the playground.  Paradoxically I get it, but personally I was disappointed.  And this is exactly my point, stay-at-home parents need support from their own kind and as a dude I'm subjected to the social constructs of dating more than I'm rewarded for being in the social constructs of parenting.  Btw, he never texted me; now I get turned down by women AND men, yay! :)

In conclusion, parenting is a journey and, as with any journey, resources are critical.  Having a supportive spouse, peers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. can be invaluable.  Finding those resources among peers can be daunting and sometimes disappointing, especially for SAHDs.  I completely acknowledge that I'm just one story and I don't presume to speak for anyone other than myself.  And I invite and encourage all parents to share their thoughts on their experiences so far in parenting.  We need to be encouraging and supportive of one another on this journey.  

NFL Playoffs - I guzzled down the Kansas City Chiefs Kool-Aid and Bill Belichick made me gag on it and cough it out.  Never bet against the Patriots at home, lesson learned.  Otherwise, I nailed the other Divisional Round matchups perfectly.  Cardinals won a tight, instant classic.  Panthers won (the first half) in convincing fashion.  And Denver won an ugly duckling pageant.  Now, for the conference title games.  I'd love to see Manning win another Super Bowl and walk off into the sunset, but its just not gonna happen.  Brady, Edelman, and Darth Hoodie knock Manning out of the game and Osweiler will make it interesting but Patriots win.  Arizona will keep it close but the Panthers seem destined to take this thing all the way to the end setting up a rematch of the Wardrobe Malfunction Super Bowl.  

January 15, 2016

This week: NFL Playoffs, Powerball Mania, Parenting Storytime, and more...

NFL Playoffs continue - A shanked chip shot FG and two dumb personal fouls kept me from going 4-0 last weekend.  My bookie wasn't hearin' my sob story, so I'm officially 2-2 after the Chiefs won with ease (sorry Texan fans, Brian Hoyer is a lot more Billy Joe Tolliver and a lot less Warren Moon) and the Packers staved off eventual elimination for one week.  But those finishes in Cincinnati and Minnesota were maddening and shocking.  Selah, on to next week.  I see Carolina dispatching the Seahawks in convincing fashion, Arizona kicking the Packers to the curb in a tighter battle than their Week 16 matchup, Kansas City continues their march to Super Bowl 50 by beating up Brady & co., and Peyton Manning proves his 20-yd ducks are slightly more accurate than Ben Roethlisberger's 20-yd ducks as Denver wins ugly.  Who's joining me?? Dibs on the recliner.

We hit (only) the Powerball!!!! - My wife and I got caught up in the Powerball fervor this past week and put $50 in the pot the past two drawings.  A cool billion will make you do crazy things.  Laying in bed Wednesday night as the excitement built I saw the first white ball (an 8) roll into place and immediately knew our dreams of wandering the Earth in my dream coach RV went POOF.  Each subsequent white ball kicked me while I was down, but then that magic red ball rolled into place and the mini-burst of elation salvaged an experience that I never really put much faith in despite the excessive research I'd done on "how to claim my winnings".  We had the Powerball and the multiplier and E and I will happily share the $8 we'll claim later this month after setting up our LLC and telling her boss that she's taking an extended vacation.  Lottery dreams do come true.  You're all invited to her retirement party in Tahiti.

The CFP saved the best for last - The New Year's Six really stunk, but the College Football Final between Alabama and Clemson was classic.  I'm always surprised how quickly the season comes and goes, but it certainly concluded with a game you didn't want to see end.  It was a much better game than I was anticipating.  Deshaun Watson should enter next year as the Heisman frontrunner and Clemson has a very good chance to be back in the title game.  But they've gotta get past a pesky Auburn team to start the season.....ahhh, I'm just kidding, they're gonna kill Auburn by 4 TDs.  

NFL Playoff addendum - I'm sticking with Denver to beat Pittsburgh in a race to the injury cart, but I also foresee backup QB Landry Jones possibly strutting in after halftime and leading a comeback that comes up short.  He and WR Martavis Bryant have a good chemistry and there might be an upset in the Rockies.  

DraftKings winning lineup - The PGA is back in action and I jumped on the cart and made $0.75 on the following lineup:

• Padraig Harrington
• Chris Kirk
• Peter Malnati
• Graeme McDowell
• Jordan Spieth
• Jimmy Walker

The Random Triumvirate - This pic of Craig Biggio, George Foreman, and Lil Jon made the rounds this week, and it got me thinking of other trios that would make you do the double-take.  

• Don Beebe, Lennox Lewis, and J.Cole
• Eric Lindros, Charlotte Church, and Willard Scott
• Gary Sheffield, Daniel Craig, and Selena Gomez
• Toni Kukoc, Aretha Franklin, and Donald Rumsfeld
• Jeff Gordon, Flava Flav, and Bindi Irwin
• Jessica Alba, Darryl Strawberry, and Jerry "The King" Lawler
• Greg Ostertag, Peggy Marshall, and Bonecrusher
• Florence Henderson, Robert Lewandoski, and El Chapo

Got any good ones?  Submit them in the comments section.  My favorite will win two tickets to last year's UNC vs Appalachian State basketball game and a $10 gift card to Chili's.  Submissions must be made by Thursday, January 21 at midnight EST.  Make me laugh/smile and you may have yourself a winner.

UFC Fight Night - Another championship belt is on the line Sunday night on FS1 as T.J. Dillashaw faces Dominick Cruz for the bantamweight title.  For a breakdown of the fights, check this out.  The prelims start at 8pm and the main card starts at 10pm.  This is essentially a PPV card that the UFC is giving away for free.  If your New Year's Resolution was to "try out this UFC thing" this is the perfect opportunity.  This card is unlikely to disappoint.  

Parenting Storytime - At H1's 18-month check-up the doctor cited his lack of speech development and used a term that has bounced around my head ever since: verbal explosion.  In the last six months his labeling has steadily improved; he'll say things like "light", "shoe", and "jacket".  He's never suffered from a lack of understanding, he's a bright little guy, its his enunciation that's needed professional attention.  Since early December we've noticed his attempts at sentence formation and storytelling, and the improvements continue to impress us and sometimes catch us off-guard, in a good way.  Aside from his speech stuff, H1 is a remarkably loving, caring child.  I talked to lots of parents of two kids prior to H2 showing up trying to get a headstart on what to expect.  I heard all sorts of stuff that encouraged me and worried me.  Thankfully, from the very beginning he has been nurturing and compassionate towards her.  It regularly warms my heart to see him stop playing with his trains and race over to make sure she has her toy du jour.  He loves her tremendously and I really hope it stays that way.  She woke up the other morning nearly three hours after he did (5am wakeups are common around here, ugh) and within seconds he was pleading with me to put "baby, down" and she was eagerly squirming her way out of my arms to see him.  And off they went crawling side-by-side down the hallway.  He left her in the dust and instinctively transitioned to running into the bonus room.  He quickly returned, dropped down to her level, gave her a big two-armed hug and said as clear as a summer day "I'm so glad to see you".  It was heartwarming on multiple levels and my brain (and heart) had a lot to process from one fleeting moment.  I think the "verbal explosion" is upon us.  

January 8, 2016

This week: New Year's Sux, XM Hits of the Month, Storytime, and more...

Like my fellow big wig media brethren (Mike & Mike, Dan Patrick, PTI, etc.) I elected to spend the holiday break with family and friends, while anxiously pondering all the topics for new content in the new year.  Happy New Year to all and to all a good winter...brrrr!

The New Year's Six disappoints - When the College Football Playoff people laid claim to the idea of redefining America's New Year's experience I bought in completely, mainly because NYE is my 2nd-least favorite holiday behind Halloween.  College football is the best product to capture my viewership on a day full of countdowns and B-list celebrities.  Sadly, this season's New Year's Six were terrible.  Every game was out-of-hand and decided by halftime with a 24.2 pt average margin of victory.  The matchups were intriguing but the performances were lackluster.  The most mind-boggling component of that colossal letdown was the sheer probability that 6 games would all end up with the same outcome, blowout.  By the time the Sugar Bowl kicked off, Ole Miss and Oklahoma State needed to play the most amazing, historic, epic college football game in the history of the sport to stand a chance at redeeming an experience that found me watching alot more of the Mythbusters marathon than competitive football.  Ole Miss was up 34-6 at halftime and I was enjoying the episode where Adam & Jamie make a duct tape bridge.  Better luck next year New Year's Six.  Don't let me down again.

Fun note about the wife and why I love her so - She wandered in while the Peach Bowl was on and asked "Houston and Florida State??  Houston's not in the SEC.  I thought this was a SEC vs ACC bowl??"  I was simultaneously slack-jawed and unsurprised.  After 10+ years she continues to impress me with her understanding of the nuances and minutiae of the sports I love to watch.  I need to return the favor and figure out how to do a thoracentesis without turning ghastly gray and falling to the floor like a sack of turnips.   

Questions I had to answer this past week
 - "Do you let him drink out of empty soap bottles?"
 - "(Is it) so bad we need to buy a new carseat?"

XM Hits of the Month - These earworms wiggled their way into my head and hung out for a few days or even a few weeks in some cases.  And now, I pass them on to you.

• No Time by Lil Kim
• Malibu by Hole
• My Hood by Young Jeezy
• Even the Nights are Better by Air Supply
• Mystery Train by Elvis Presley
• Thuggish Ruggish Bone by Bone Thugs N Harmony
• You're All I've Got Tonight by The Cars
• The Boxer by Simon & Garfunkel
• Cake by the Ocean by DCNE
• Welcome to Atlanta by Jermaine Dupri
• Private Eyes by Hall & Oates

Hall of Fame notes - I intend to dedicate several sections over the next few weeks to Hall of Fame discussion in MLB, NBA, and NFL, but a quick little nugget to chew on this week with your buddies:  Should a HOF ballot be judged against history or judged against their generation? 

NFL Wild Card Weekend - The NFL season blew right by and here comes the playoffs.  Before you know it pitchers & catchers will be reporting and the Super Bowl will yesterday's news.  But we still have four weeks of playoff action and I'm gonna shake up my crystal ball and make some picks.  Kansas City wins with ease, Cincinnati starts their run to the AFC title game and the QB controversy that comes with it, Minnesota pulls off the biggest upset of the weekend, and Green Bay gets it right for one week before falling in the Divisional Round.  NOTE: Check out the latest poll question about QBs on the right.  

UFC rematches revisited - A few weeks ago I addressed the (un)likelihood of any of the three newly crowned champs facing immediate rematches and this week we got news from the UFC that Conor McGregor and Holly Holm would indeed be facing new opponents in their next fights. 

DraftKings winning lineup - I won $2 with the following lineup (and lost $0.75 on some other..... 

• PG Chris Paul
• SG J.J. Redick
• SF Maurice Harkless
• PF Zach Randolph
• C Deandre Jordan
• G Mario Chalmers
• F Al-Farouq Aminu
• Util Damian Lillard

I also missed out on another buck or two because of this bizarre lineup nonsense in Portland the other night.  I'm living proof that DraftKings can have you ballin' like a boss on the McDonald's McPick 2 menu. 

Random thoughts 

• Do you think David Carr bought his offensive linemen gifts the season he was sacked a record 76 times?
• Did you know that the re-released DVD version of Return of the Jedi features a blasphemous edit job?  In the final scene where the ghostly holograms of Obi-Won, Yoda, and Anakin are waving at Luke they removed the original British actor that played Vader (David Prowse) and inserted a hologram of Hayden Christensen.  

Parenting Storytime I - I picked H1 up from school on Tuesday and immediately recognized that distinctive smell.  Having left the diaper bag in the van and electing not to subject my son's undercarriage to sub-freezing temps I chose to let him ride dirty to the house and I'd change him there.  Upon latching him into his carseat my fate was sealed.  The 20-min car ride home concluded and I proceeded to unlock him.  His shirt had hiked up from the squirming and squishing he did from school to home and before his butt had even scooted completely out of his chair I saw a golf ball-sized deposit of poop being squeezed out of the top of his diaper like a baker's icing bag.  I quickly entered damage control mode and tried to keep him from the dreaded "transfer phase" of this experience.  I acknowledged that it was all over his carseat, but tabled that dilemma for a later time.  I had to get him inside pronto.  He followed me to H2's side and while I was unlocking her straps, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a flicker of something move.  I turned to rush inside and had to high-step the poop that was now in my driveway that I'd unknowingly seen fall from my son's backside.  I scooped him up, double carried the kids up the stairs, put H2 in her crib and began the 10-min cleanup process.  I lost count of wipes and seriously considered throwing H1 in the shower (I declined).  A few hours later, rocking fresh new gear and re-energized from naps we stepped outside just in time to see the neighbor's dog rush from his backyard, greet us, and proceed to eat the poop from our driveway.  Which reminded me "oh crap, I never cleaned the carseat".  Three Lysol wipes & a kitchen towel later and we weren't in need of a new carseat, phew.  

Parenting Storytime II - E and I have faced the challenges of a toddler with speech delay for over a year now and its been rewarding every time H1 puts another notch in his belt with "milk", "cow", "train" and more.  He's incredibly conversational and expresses himself in his own unique voice and language that is occasionally peppered with legitimate words.  We've had success in the last month with the emphasis his therapist put on polysyllabic commands and phrases like "more crackers" and "applesauce" and "upstairs".  While we've been hyperfocused on his progress we've ignored the usual (I presume) experience of watching your child just naturally pick up tons of phrases and structuring sentences on their own simply by mimicking or parroting.  I've grown conditioned to the process of working on syllables and constructing sounds into words.  So, we all sat down for storytime as a family the other night when H1 migrated off Mommy's lap into mine while she took H2 to her room to lie down.  E: "Nite, nite"  H1: "Nigh, nigh.  uv you".  E and I instantly locked eyes in that "did he....??" look.  She quickly knelt down and kissed him on his head and said "I love you, too".  She got off easy :) I had to warble through the reading of three more stories after that powerfully emotional moment of my child saying "I love you" for the first time.  By the third story ("Snowmen at Night"), H1 was looking at me like "why are you crying?".  He proceeded to console me with a pat on my shoulder and a big smile.  Thanks buddy, I love you too :)

Thanks for reading and supporting my efforts.  I've gotten some great feedback and encouraging acknowledgments in the last month and I truly appreciate the interest.  Have a great week!

December 18, 2015

This week: UFC rematches, Reality Talk, Parenting Storytime, and more..

"It wasn't a real fight" - Former featherweight champ Jose Aldo uttered that sour grapes sentiment (via translator) moments after he was on the receiving end of a record-setting KO (fastest in a title fight) at the hands of newly crowned champ Conor McGregor.  Three championship belts have changed hands in the past month (Ronda Rousey, Chris Weidman, and Jose Aldo) and each former champ faces the inevitable question that surfaces after a title fight loss "Do they deserve a rematch?". 

Rematches are tricky business.  UFC President Dana White regularly asserts the position of "we'll give the fans what they want to see".  But rematches tend to be a little more complex than just putting your finger to the wind of Twitter to see "what the fans want".  There are some basic questions White and matchmaker Joe Silva will ask in the coming weeks to determine whether a rematch is justified.  Let's use our recently dethroned champs as the litmus test for the Rematch Conundrum

• "Was it a close fight?" - Weidman got thoroughly dominated by Luke Rockhold and looked completely mangled after the fight.  Rousey certainly lost the first round to Holly Holm and was KO'd in the second.  Aldo lasted two punches and 13 seconds against McGregor.  Weidman: NO  Rousey: NO  Aldo: NO
• "Is there a clear #1 contender waiting their turn?" - Weidman's middleweight division is experiencing a downturn in talent and the undercard of Saturday's PPV featured a very uninspired bout between the #3 and #4 contenders Yoel Romero and Jacare Souza.  And there are no matchups of worthy contenders on the horizon.  The dearth of talent gives Weidman the edge.  Rousey spent the last 3 years laying siege to the Women's Bantamweight division and should have a leg up on the competition for #1 contender.  But new champ Holly Holm already expressed interest in fighting Miesha Tate instead of a Rousey rematch. However, releasing Rousey back into the division to fight her way back would be like letting a velociraptor loose on an emu farm.  It wouldn't be pretty or fair to anyone.  Aldo entered Saturday on an 18-fight winning streak, and similar to Rousey, had been manhandling the entire division since entering the UFC in 2011 with his WEC Featherweight Belt.  But #1 contender and former Lightweight champ Frankie Edgar just completed his sojourn through the division proving his worthiness as the next man in line for a shot at the title.  Weidman: NO  Rousey: NO  Aldo: YES
• "Will it bring a big audience?" - i.e., would the fans pay to see it?  I don't presume to have a finger on the pulse of MMA fans, so I'll stick to my own pulse.  Weidman got overpowered, outwrestled, and beat up but I think the lack of middleweight talent coupled with his unblemished record entering the fight and the presumption that maybe he just had an off night warrants a rematch.  Rousey looked sluggish, lethargic, slow, and other synonyms that mean out-of-shape.  And Holm played her like a fiddle strategically.  I doubt Ronda makes the same mistakes twice and it would be semi-dangerous to expose the rest of the division to her Road to Redemption.  Multiple fighters would get their arms broken.  Put Rousey and Holm in the cage again and let's see what happens.  Aldo's KO loss was such an outlier that I don't envy the UFC brass deliberating the rematch decision.  Its a 50-50 argument.  It wasn't a normal fight, but it was definitely a real fight, Aldo's sour grapes notwithstanding.  McGregor won fair and square and I think Aldo should start a few rungs down the ladder and climb his way back up.  A McGregor vs Edgar matchup would be a pretty easy sell and would certainly pull some strong numbers.  Weidman: YES  Rousey: YES  Aldo: NO

Since the start of 2010, belts have changed hands via force (i.e. a fight) 13 times, and in only three cases was a rematch granted (B.J. Penn, Frankie Edgar, Anderson Silva) and all three lost again in the rematch.  Those are long odds for each of the recently ousted champs, but each of them have unique, compelling cases for a rematch....except for Aldo, I think Aldo's screwed.

Reality Talk: TV Edition - Ever since MTV debuted The Real World in 1992 reality TV has been evolving to fill millions of hours of airtime.  The format of filming 20-somethings in a new city was just the beginning.  In the last 20+ years TV producers have established a spectrum of reality-based TV sub-genres to satiate the appetite of all sorts of fans.  Now, when I say I watch "reality TV" I'm not embarrassed since its more than just The Kardashians and Bad Girls Club.  Here are some of my faves (and maybe your faves, too)

• Survivor and The Amazing Race (both return in Feb, CBS) - Reality competition is a bonafide Emmy category and these two shows are really fun to watch because they constantly have my wife and I asking "would you do that?" and sparking spirited discussion about who would bungee jump off that rickety bridge in Thailand or how would you fare in this immunity challenge.  Jeff Probst and Phil Keoghan are fun hosts and these are just fun shows.  See also: SYTYCD, The Voice, Dancing With the Stars
• Top Chef (Thursday 10pm, Bravo) and Holiday Baking Championship (Sunday 9pm, Food Network) - Cooking competition shows are very popular and these two caught my eye in the last few years.  I've enjoyed seeing how much variety there is in the culinary world.  I eat pork chops and brownies, but these people cook salmon carpaccio and triple pastry cream croquembouche.  Its fascinating to watch and the judges are entertaining with their critiques.  I actually like that they take it so seriously; it SHOULD be that way.  See also: Chopped, The Great Food Truck Race, Iron Chef America
• The Profit (Tuesday 10pm, CNBC) and Shark Tank (Friday 10pm, ABC) - Reality investment shows are popping up everywhere with the success of Shark Tank.  The Profit is, by far, my favorite.  After three seasons of that show I'm only 4 credits short of my MBA.  I could easily run a Fortune 500 company.....into the ground.  Marcus Lemonis is likable, genuine, fair, savvy, smart, and innovative.  He makes me want to have a failing business just so he can come save it.  Shark Tank has slowly evolved from fringe Friday night filler TV to credible, legitimate American institution.  Its not a punchline anymore rather an exercise in the spirit of American entrepreneurship and ingenuity finding a way to succeed.  Aside: If you watch the episode where Nick Woodman guest-Sharks, keep count of every time he says "You know, when I started GoPro...".  That phrase floated around our house quite a bit after that episode anytime we wanted to humblebrag: [got the boy to sleep on the first try] "You know, when I started GoPro..".  See also: Restaurant Startup, Blue Collar Millionaire, All-American Makers
• Nightwatch (Thursday, A&E 10pm) - Reality crime dramas have been around longer than The Real World and this Dick Wolf-produced docudrama follows the EMT, Fire & Rescue and Police Officers of New Orleans as they work the night shift in a city renowned for lively, raucous crowds.  It pushes the envelope of that age-old disclaimer "Viewer Discretion is Advised", so watch at your own risk.  The characters are very likable and engaging and its inspiring to see such unsung heroes in action.  See also: COPS, Jail, The First 48
• House Hunters (every other hour on HGTV) - Truthfully I don't watch House Hunters much anymore, but it gave rise to dozens of imitators like Buying Alaska, Buying the Rockies, Lakefront Bargain Hunt which I watch semi-regularly.  Shows like these allow you to experience the excitement of house shopping without the added pressure of signing paperwork at the end of the episode.  

Other shows worth a look: Treehouse Masters, Tanked, Redwood Kings, Fixer Upper, Property Brothers, Income Property, Pawn Stars

FAKE!!! Watch with a scrutinizing eye: Mystery Diners, Bar Rescue, South Beach Tow, Operation Repo, Hardcore Pawn

Things we learned this week:

• Russell Westbrook hit this insane buzzer beater
• My Mom shared this Uptown Funk fused with Ginger Rogers-era dance numbers.  It was awesome
• This Dad watching Star Wars with his son for the first time was really sweet
• #adeletickets had me crying laughing with all of the shared experiences of coping with loss and disappointment.  

Parenting Storytime - Henry had the sniffles this week bad enough to warrant staying home from school.  He spent his week slaloming from energized and active to lethargic and cranky.  One of his crankier periods was spent sitting on the couch slowly eating his new favorite snack, Ritz Crackers with Nutella.  I spread a thin layer of that hazelnut chocolaty goodness between two Honey Wheat Ritz and he takes approximately 13 bites to eat it.  We were sitting side-by-side on our loveseat and he's working on bite #7 and I hear a sneeze.  All of bite #7's and most of bite #6's contents now look like Martian kitty litter sprayed all over his left arm.  Henry noticed the tablespoon of green blobulous snot hanging precariously from his nose one second before I did and wiped his left arm across his face making a guacomole kitty litter chutney that had me scrambling to find the nearest towel to spare my leather couch from a disgustingly sticky future.  Couch: Saved.  Towel: Steam-cleaned

December 11, 2015

This week: Braves trade, Driving pet peeves, Parenting Storytime and more...

Shelby Miller headed to the desert - Parting ways with Shelby Miller became an inevitable truth this offseason and the Braves made it clear that the return on that trade had to blow them away.  And according to multiple media types, the Braves' haul was tremendous.  An immediate starter in CF (Ender Inciarte), a darkhorse rotation candidate (Aaron Blair), and the homegrown boy-made-good from Marietta (Dansby Swanson).  Swanson is the biggest chip of this package; his potential career arc is tantalizing.  He'd be way ahead of schedule if he becomes the 2017 Opening Day starter at SS, but that's probably exactly what the Braves hopes he becomes.  More likely, he makes his debut as a September call-up in 2017 and secures the starting spot in 2018 Spring Training.  Aside: the quiet signing of C Tyler Flowers puts former phenom Christian Bethancourt on notice.  He'll get flipped for a reserve OF or mid-level pitching prospect in the coming weeks. (UPDATE: I meant to say "young reliever and minor league catcher").  Aside #2:  Freddie Freeman might very well get moved this winter, too.  The Cardinals, Pirates, and Astros seem like strong possibilities with weak first base options.

Some real talk: Driving Edition - I'm a reformed speeder and aggressive driver (38 traffic stops, 16 speeding tickets, but only one stop in the last 10 years and that was for rolling through a right turn on a stop sign in my Yaris and I got a warning).  I'm not proud of my history, but I feel it gives me some credence when I assess other drivers and their poor habits and dangerous behavior.  

• The Parking Lot Speeder - aka The Neighborhood Speeder.  25 mph is alot faster when a mother of three with a wild 8 year old comes darting out of a grocery store/driveway.  Pedestrian traffic is an absolute truth in a parking lot/n'hood and 10 mph seems slow, but that's the idea.  Slow down, parking lot speeder.
• The Left Lane Lagger - In 2014, GA enacted the "Slow Poke Law" to prevent drivers from hanging out in the left lane.  Those laggers think they're doing some social service by keeping everyone in line by "enforcing" the speeding laws, but ultimately they put everyone at risk by the sudden slowdowns and the eventual right lane workarounds required by faster traffic to navigate around them.  Move over, slow pokes.
• The Aggressive Tailgater - The archenemy of The Left Lane Lagger.  This was me.  I tried teaching the slow pokes the lesson they deserved by hanging onto their bumper and forcing them over.  I had a pretty sobering moment about 10 years ago that changed my ways.  I wised up, did some soul-searching and realized that I didn't want to forfeit my freedoms and liberties just for that brief satisfaction of driving 90 mph past some old man.  Back off, tailgater. 
• The Lane Darter - They coast past dozens of cars honorably waiting their turn to get through an intersection and dart into a gap.  They would never do this in any other circumstance.  No one would just dart in the concession line at the movie theater simply because the old lady on her cane moved a little slower than most.  Wait your turn, lane darter. 
• The Bob & Weaver - A cousin of The Aggressive Tailgater, this guy bobs & weaves his way through morning rush hour causing sudden slowdowns or stops just so he can maneuver forward 4 car lengths.  Congestion plagues us all, but they're making it worse by stressing everyone out with their sudden and unpredictable behavior.  Take it easy, Bob Weaver.
• The Turn Lane Hanger - You've seen 'em, they lollygag into the center turn lane at 20% speed and take a terrible angle and then get stuck hanging out of the turn lane diagonally.  Their bumper causes an obstacle that must be navigated by everyone coming up behind them.  Its a simple lane change and this person treats it like they're docking a cruise ship blindfolded.  Get it together, Lane Hanger.
• The Emergency Lane Cruiser - This guy takes selfish, anxious, entitled, and brazen and pieces them together to make a Voltron-sized schmuck that cruises in the emergency lane, sometimes popping back into regular traffic to increase the level of difficulty.  Read this story to really bum you out and realize how quickly your life can change by doing this.  
• The Headlight Ignoramus - "Headlights are just as important for them to see you as it is for you to see them." - Dennis Mullen  My Dad dropped that little life lesson on me when he was teaching me about driving at dawn and dusk and I think of it every day when I'm driving Emily to work at 7:30am.  Early morning, foggy dew-covered windows & mirrors, glare of the sun on the horizon its easy to miss speeding on-comers in the neighborhood.  But if they have their lights on, they stand out pretty brightly.  Boats and sea vessels use running lights for exactly this reason.  Brighten up, Headlight Ignoramus.
• Dishonorable mentions: The Emergency Vehicle Disrespecter, The Red Light Runner, The Texter

Its easy to lob tomatoes at these other drivers, but what if you are one of these drivers?  I'm not casting any stones, but next time you're out and about stop and think about your driving habits.  

Random Thoughts

• I identify more with Hudson Hornet and less with Lightning McQueen.  
• I prefer the Christmas classics of the Andy Williams, Bing Crosby, Burl Ives era.  And Harry Connick's When My Heart Finds Christmas.  
• The CFP got it right.  The semifinal matchups are gonna be fun to watch.  New Year's Six, baby!!
• UFC 194 will not disappoint this Saturday.  McGregor & Weidman will prevail in dramatic fashion.  PPV $$ well spent.

Parenting Story of the Week - Henry has been seeing a speech therapist for almost a year and last Monday she started emphasizing his "y" sounds like "yea, yah, yes" etc.  I earned my latest nickname that day, "Daddy-yah" which I heard 7,138 times that afternoon.  Fast forward a week.  The Daddy-yah Counter had eclipsed six digits and exploded into a million pieces.  I'm posted up at a stoplight steady bumpin' my funky fresh new jam Fetty Wap's "Trap Queen" and spittin' rhymes like a boss, gangsta-leanin' like a pimp when my hand dropped at noon on the steering wheel and I sadly remembered I'm driving a minivan.  Ignoring this harsh reality I still rap along....Adam: "I just left the mall, I'm getting fly with my baby, YEAH!....I be in the kitchen cookin pies with my baby, (Henry: "YEAAHH!!")".  My Father of the Year ceremony is later this month.  You're all invited.   

Took a week off to enjoy the Thanksgiving holiday and now we're back on track

College Football Playoff (CFP) Chaos, it's all the rage:  Several weeks ago I pitched the idea of UNC crashing the CFP Final Four and then all of America read the same tea leaves and the Tar Heels have occupied much of the discussion ever since.  My royalty check for such a prescient idea must be lost in the mail.  Oh well.  After making such a bold prediction that Larry Fedora would challenge the committee's Mission Statement, I'm prepared to take a wild left turn off that same idea and predict yet another layer of chaos.  Let's set the stage for Saturday:  Oklahoma is IN, Alabama is IN after a tougher-than-expected win over UF, the B1G champ is IN, and Stanford loses to USC.  With that setup, Clemson and UNC wage a war for the ages.  Two high-scoring offenses with overlooked defenses engage in a defensive struggle that ultimately results in a grind-it-out, last second GW field goal for UNC 23-21.  Under those very specific circumstances, I predict a scenario where Clemson claims the #4 spot in the Playoff.  This obviously thumbs its nose at the AP Poll traditionalists who are still brainwashed to believe that losses immediately knock you out of contention and open the door for another team with its own older loss to whiz past them in the rankings.  But if the committee is entrusted to select the "best four teams" and Clemson has unquestionably held the #1 spot for most of the season and loses a nailbiter on the final play to a team that everyone, including the committee, has kicked in the shins for 3 weeks because of a weak, FCS-laden schedule then why not Clemson?  Admittedly, this scenario looks waaaay different if Clemson gets their teeth kicked in for four quarters, but a hard fought loss in a conference championship game should keep the Tigers in the running for the National Title.  

Proud (??) NFL Sunday Ticket Subscriber:  Paul Tagliabue got his wish.  Parity runs amok in the NFL and I'm not convinced its such a good thing.  I suppose the idea of parity is meant to keep every team in contention for a longer period of the season and inspire playoff hopes among more fan bases across the league, but its actually created one giant morass of Meh.  Each week I set up three TVs in my bonus room and fire up my Sunday Ticket package eagerly seeking the marquee matchups that will keep me sitting on the edge of my seat from 1pm to 7pm.  Instead I do a once-over on the schedule and realize most of these games will be complete snoozefests.  I've come to refer to the 2nd quarter as my naptime for the day.  Entering Sunday, 13 teams (40% of the league) are within 1 game of .500.  Another six teams are 4-7 with the last sliver of playoff aspirations hanging in the wind this weekend.  As a fan, its impossible to get excited about most of these teams (I'm ignoring the fantasy component of watching football; call me corny, but I watch football for the love of the game).  Its not like they are all equally matched super-squads with multiple HOFs among them slugging it out every Sunday for a small chance of staying alive in the playoff hunt.  Nope, these are ugly teams playing mostly ugly football.  Granted, I'm a Falcons fan, so I see alot of ugly football which might cloud my vision, but I do have 2 other televisions with other games on and commonly those games lack just as much sizzle as the Dirty Birds.  I don't have the space to solve this problem, but suffice it to say that it IS a problem that originated from a solution to a different problem 25 years ago.  

Parenting Story of the Week: My wife has a pretty good habit of regularly tidying up our kids' clothes drawers and reposing old clothes to the Rubbermaids in our garage.  Its getting cold here in NC and my 2.5 year old son had a dearth of adequate pants.  As I rummaged through his pants drawer I saw some jeans he hadn't worn in awhile and thought "eh, these'll work".  As soon as I put them on he quickly rubbed his belly right at the waistband and I didn't think anything of it, then as he ran down the hallway I thought "man, he's getting tall, those pants are highwaters on him".  A little while later my wife came home and pointed out to me that I put our 33 month old son in 18 month old jeans.  I'm an idiot.  

Random Thoughts: 

• Annie Lennox begat Pink. Cyndi Lauper begat Lady Gaga. Barbara Streisand begat Adele. 
• Sometimes I toast my PB&J bread to trick my stomach into thinking I'm eating a hot meal.

Things we learned this week:

• Jahlil Okafor hates losing almost as much as he hates being heckled about losing
• Kerwin Roach got mad hops
• These two Adele-related videos from SNL and the BBC caught my eye.
• I played this for my in-laws last week and they laughed heartily at Moms learning iTunes.

Housekeeping: Please note the polls on the right margin.  They'll stay active for the week and polling will close every Friday night.  If you have a poll question submission just email me and we'll see, no promises.  I'll also regularly post fun lists for you to WOW your friends at the water cooler. I've received suggestions for future topics, but some of them are outside of my wheelhouse.  So, I encourage you to submit a paragraph on a topic from the world of sports or entertainment and I'll see if you can co-opt a section of my blog :)  I'm hoping to do a section on Survivor and/or The Amazing Race in the coming weeks.  Top Chef returned this week, too, so maybe that'll make the cut.  Finally, if you're new to The Chatter check out the archives.  I went live with this iteration of the blog this week, but beta testing included some early blog posts.  Check 'em out.