April 16, 2016

This week: MLB quick hits, Reality TV Roundup, Parenting Story, and more...

March Madness, personal vacation, family visits, birthday parties, MLB Opening Day (read: Week), aggravating my cousin on Facebook :), and all the joys of parenting.  These were among the many things that kept me away from the keyboard these past few weeks.  It was nice to hear from folks who missed my posts; that was a pleasant surprise.  I truly appreciate the feedback and the interest.  

Trivia for my fans - Waaaay back in the day I used to be a trivia host and question writer for a restaurant promotions company in Atlanta.  It was a ton of fun and I met lots of nice folks along the way (including a really fun family that I'm still friends with to this day).  I'm throwing some trivia into my blog because it just seems fitting.  This is exclusively for your own enjoyment; the answers are at the bottom of the page but you'll need your secret decoder ring to read them :)

1. The 80s - Two instrumentals made it to #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart in the 1980s.  Name them.
2. People - What TV personality appeared on a 1997 cover of Time with the headline "Yep, I'm Gay"?
3. Movies - What legendary actor's final big-screen performance was as the voice of Wylie Burp in An American Tail: Fievel Goes West?
4. World - The affluent beach district of Ipanema is located in what city?
5. Sports - Who is the active rushing yards leader in the NFL? (scroll down for a hint)

MLB not-so-Preview - I'm a little late on my entry into the predictions and prognostications portion of Spring Training, so I'll instead provide some quick hits and random thoughts about the first week or so of the season and the outlook for the marathon to October.

• The Braves are awful - I try to be realistically optimistic when sports seasons begin and I knew this team was going to have some growing pains, struggles, and head-hanging moments, but I didn't realize it would be so hard to win just one game.  They're currently 1-9 (a sneaky late-inning win on Friday night against the Marlins ended their futility) and the outlook isn't pretty.  I predict they finish April with 2 wins, maybe 3 but not more than that.  They're terrible.
• Youth infusion - Every season seems to introduce new and exciting talent at nearly every position and as a proud MLB.tv subscriber I get to tune in and watch guys like Carlos Correa, Francisco Lindor, Miguel Sano, Corey Seager, Trevor Story, Kevin Pillar, Kevin Kiermaier, and many others ply their trades.  Guys like Mike Trout, Bryce Harper, Matt Harvey, Jose Altuve, and Manny Machado are already carrying the torch and making the game competitive and fun to watch.  
• Braves need a youth explosion - Seeing the youth insurgence is a bit bittersweet as a Braves fan, especially this season.  They've stockpiled their organization with a glut of young, elite prospects but their major league roster is a patchwork quilt of retreads (sorry, Frenchy & Bud Norris), past-their-prime vets (sorry, Gordon Beckham & Kelly Johnson), and young arms.  CF Mallex Smith made his debut this week and left the game looking like this. Seems like a fitting punctuation on the kind of season they'll have; constantly getting hit in the face.  I just hope that the next 24 months in Braves Country sees at least 2 of their minor league stars-in-waiting burst on the scene and move this team into contention.  
• Division races abound - I'll address the season as it goes along, but my early predictions are tight division races in the AL East, AL Central (the Royals will come back to Earth a little bit), NL Central (sorry, Reds, not you; you can carpool with the Braves to the support group meetings).  Divisional series will be must-see TV every night.  ASIDE: Wednesday night this week was the perfect scenario for my baseball passion.  E1 was finishing up The Magicians and I had 10 games on (2 four-game mosaics on my computers, a game on my phone, and a game on my extra TV).  It was amazing.  
• Wild Card Playoff Game - I have a lukewarm crusade to eliminate the one-game Wild Card Playoff from baseball.  Both leagues need to host a three-game series with a back-to-back doubleheader starting at 12pm on Monday at the home ballpark of the team with the better record.  A Super Bowl halftime-like atmosphere between games (they can get Journey, Metallica, or John Cougar Mellencamp to perform on the outfield grass) and then back on the field for Game 2.  Managers would have to manage their bullpens accordingly.  And if they split the doubleheader they jump on their awaiting chartered flights to the other city for a deciding Game 3 the following night.  I think that would be one helluva day of baseball.  If you have Rob Manfred's personal cell number, can you do me a solid? 

Sports trivia question hint #1 - Here's your first chance to use your secret decoder ring (aka, simple cursor trick...aka, copy but no paste). His first and last name are both monosyllabic.   You missed it, its back there.

The Internet Ruined My Life - Not MY life, its the name of a new show that me and E1 are watching on SyFy and its sobering.  It's a mismatch for SyFy, it should be on A&E or truTV, but its totally worth checking out.  Shot in a first-person confessional style, each episode chronicles two people's experience of having their lives upended by a simple tweet or Facebook post or Instagram pic.  Each story is different but the humanizing element of internet hounding is what drives the show's appeal.  Don't jump to a short-sighted, "people just need to get over it" or "it can't be that bad" conclusion too quickly without watching the show.  Granted, some of the victims were a bit too cavalier or heady with their fingers on the keyboard, but none of the subjects deserved the treatments they received.  Another show in this same vain is I Survived which I think is still hanging around in the archives of Hulu.

60 Days In - Another show that's caught my eye recently is a reality show on A&E (exactly where it belongs unlike The Internet Ruined My Life) called 60 Days In.  The Clark County (IN) Jail came under a new sheriff last year and in an effort to help learn more about the workings of his jail and, more importantly, to correct criminal behavior and corruption from his staff he created a groundbreaking program.  Seven citizens were selected from a candidate pool to be booked into jail and serve 60 days as a real inmate.  Only two people in the jail system know their real identities and each of the citizens were given backstories (i.e., outstanding warrants, embezzlement charges, forging checks, etc) and then processed into jail.  Its intense for a sheltered noob like me.  I made the mistake of watching the first two episodes right before bed; I couldn't sleep because I thought E1 was gonna steal my commissary.   

Sports Trivia Question Hint #2 - He's a former Hurricane.   This one's a dead giveaway.

Parenting Story - H2 is beginning her journey into the wonderful world of walking.  She's so close to getting one foot in front of the other without assistance and in an effort to help her along we're using one of those push-walkers from Fisher Price.  We went to the Land of the Walkers (aka, the mall) to take a few laps with her.  I was spotting her from behind, diaper bag slung over my shoulder and patiently escorting my daughter through each step (read: snail's pace).  It's a cherished memory I have from H1's learning steps and I enjoy being a part of that process with my daughter.  My kids are people persons and love smiling and giggling at strangers and making even the toughest souls grin, so its not uncommon to hear "oh my, she's so cute" or "you've got your hands full".  I have a small bank of ready-made responses like "yeah, she's a charmer" or "she definitely keeps me on my toes".  Its the normal single-serving exchanges that happen almost every day.  So, when I'm walking behind my daughter and watching all the foot traffic navigate around her I was completely unprepared and caught off-guard when a perfectly normal-looking woman walked right up to me with a smile on her face and said "your life is over, I can see it on your face".  I instinctively gave her one of the autopilot responses that seemed incredibly ill-fitting considering her out-of-the-blue declaration.  She could've walked up to me and said "Mondale was robbed" or "Frosted Flakes taste like sawdust" and I would've been just as unprepared for my comeback.  I can't seem to settle on a good explanation for her comments, but I trend towards "trying to be funny with the stereotypical nonsense about daughters stressing their dads out".  It just came off horribly and has hung around my frontal lobe all week.  

Trivia answers - A simple cursor trick = secret decoder ring.  Ask me privately if you're having trouble.

1. The 80s - Both the Miami Vice theme song (1985) and the iconic music from Chariots of Fire (1981) reached #1 for one week each.  FYI Axel F from Beverly Hills Cop peaked at #3 in 1985.
2. People - Ellen DeGeneres
3. Movies - Jimmy Stewart
4. World - Rio de Janeiro
5. Sports - Frank Gore

March 13, 2016

This week: UFC 196 recap, Reality TV tidbits, New Showtime series, and more...

DISCLAIMER: This week's edition features a section that isn't intended for all audiences.  I'm dead serious.  Some of you may shrug your shoulders and mock me for the warning, but others may appreciate the heads-up

Half an egg on my face - I felt like the perfect rube in the closing seconds of the Conor McGregor-Nate Diaz fight last weekend.  I fell hook, line, and sinker for all the showmanship and bluster that McGregor spewed in the fight hype that I completely overlooked all the obvious holes in his game that Diaz exposed masterfully.  It was a decent fight with an unexpected outcome, but it was one of those unique fight experiences where as the fight develops it becomes perfectly clear that the "underdog" is no underdog after all.  Diaz picked McGregor apart with superior jabs from his long range and eventually broke the Irishman's spirit to take any more punishment, forcing him into a desperation takedown attempt with limited ground skills and zero stamina to put up a fight.  I felt like Tommy Gunn's manager at the end of Rocky V when the fight momentum turned in favor of Diaz.  "You're losing everything!!!"  Alas, that's an overstatement.  McGregor still retains the Featherweight belt and his next opponent will certainly come from that division, likely at UFC 200 in July.  Stay tuned.  

The other egg half - McGregor's shortcomings aside, I did come out on the winning end of one of my predictions when Miesha Tate defeated Holly Holm for the Bantamweight title.  It was a bit of a seesaw battle with each fighter winning a round in the opening two frames.  But then Tate failed to capitalize on the fight momentum and entered the final round facing a "Finish her!!!" scenario and, boy howdy, did she.  If the UFC was sponsored by Sesame Street the closing credits would have noted that "today's fight card was brought to you by Ground Control, without it you'll end up purple-faced and blacked out".  Holm and McGregor both learned this lesson the hard way.  Tate secured an unrelenting hold on Holm in the 5th and never let go looking at one point like she might choke her out standing up.  It went to the mat and within seconds the lights went out on Holly Holm's reign atop the division.  

Any good cook knows what to do with cracked eggs - The UFC's master plan for McGregor went out the window (or, if you're an undying optimist, was temporarily postponed).  He's still a magnetic personality and young enough to develop a world-class ground game, but he'll cool his jets for the rest of this year and likely defend his title twice by December.  As for the Women's Bantamweight division, the Tate upset likely adds one extra wrinkle to the eventual Holm-Rousey II that everyone presumed prior to the Holm loss.  Provided Ronda Rousey is still looking for a fight and not looking to settle down and make babies, then I predict it goes like this:  Tate-Rousey III for the belt (possibly at UFC 200), Holm versus rising star Amanda Nunes for top contender status.  Winners face off for the belt in December.  Its a classic semifinal format.
  
Reality TV tidbits - I'm a fan of gritty docu-series, competition challenges, and home improvement chronicles.  Here are some quick thoughts about an assortment of Reality TV I've seen in the last few weeks:

• The Bachelor - The finale airs tomorrow (Monday, March 14) and Ben has 'lot of 'splainin to do after telling two women he loved them.  I don't care how you slice it, that's a bad move and the Squirm Meter is gonna be on 10 from the opening credits.  The Women Tell All Special was an uncomfortable walk down memory lane last week.  Overall, I must agree with Chris Harrison that Ben really is an admirable, swell, honorable guy and I could definitely see us hanging out.  I'd probably give him my number if I saw him out at my normal stomping grounds: Children's Museum, Sam's Club, every playground in a 15 mile radius.  Even Minnesota Twin pitcher Phil Hughes likes Bachelor Ben.
• Top Chef - The finale airs Thursday, March 17 and I like both contenders, but will definitely be pulling for Amar.  He is a great chef who's already won a shot at redemption by claiming the Last Chance Kitchen prize.  Worth noting, Amar was one of back-to-back chefs that got eliminated on frozen waffles and toast; he managed to recover from the soggy toast elimination and he'll hopefully claim the Grand Prize.
• Survivor & The Amazing Race - Unfortunately both of my faves got cut short due to some scheduling issues on CBS and poor recovery from my DVR.  I'll take this opportunity to inform you that CBS has finally joined the streaming services community with their own All-Access feature.  It works just like the other proven models of Netflix and Hulu.  Free 7-day trial gives way to a $5.99 monthly subscription.  Available on multiple platforms.
• H2 no longer exists - It was always an honorable mention/afterthought in my channel surfing, but H2 is gone and has been rebooted as Viceland.  If you're a fan of Vice, HBO's hit news magazine show (think gritty 60 Minutes), then Viceland is for you.  I started dabbling with some of their original programming this week and found Vice Essentials and Noisey to be my early faves.  Shows like that are always good for informing on topics you never would seek out on your own.  Case in point, I had no clue how bad things had gotten in Trinidad & Tobago and why.  But now I'm an expert and will be hosting a panel at the next neighborhood bake sale/fun run/yard sale.

Things I never imagined saying before I had children and now seem perfectly normal

• "its bedtime, we're not eating butt paste."

Redbox reviews - Had the good fortune of watching three movies this week with my lovely wife.  

1. The Martian - She read the book and saw it in theaters, but this my first time.  It was engaging, easy to follow, and surprisingly believable in a near-future kinda way.  I liked it and think you should check it out.
2. Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation - I love the whole Mission Impossible franchise.  Tom Cruise is a certifiable whack-a-doodle but he makes fun action movies.  This one follows all the usual recipes from the previous installments and has two major action sequences that don't disappoint and a handful of quality fight scenes.  My Dad was always a sucker for action drivel and I feel I'm entering that stage of Dad-hood.  I don't wanna think too hard sometimes, just blow stuff up, beat up the bad guy, and get back the (insert irreplaceable/invaluable/top-secret heirloom here).  Aside from running about 30 mins too long, this movie hit all the right notes.  
3. The Intern - The kind of movie Redbox was perfectly designed for.  $2 for a cute, warmly satisfying, wholesome movie.  I would never spend movie ticket $$$ on this type of movie, but $2?  Yep.  Its relatively simple with one fun little reveal that I didn't see coming and one cliched storytelling device that I did see coming.  But, overall, its a sweet little movie that everyone with half a soul and a lukewarm heart would enjoy.  Some of you need not apply....you know who you are. 

DISCLAIMER: The final section may not be intended for certain audiences.  The subject matter may be discomforting or offensive.  Please read at your own discretion.

Let's get heavy for a minute - I generally prefer to keep my content light, easy, breezy, and anti-inflammatory....like Ginger Ale or jock itch spray.  But I will occasionally delve into slightly weightier fare when the time is right.  Showtime launched a docu-series earlier this year called Dark Net that addresses various topics related to the seedier side of the internet of which I was mostly ignorant.  I'd read the news stories about the Silk Road and had a limited understanding of the reaches of the nefarious types that surf around those outer reaches of the internet, but this show does an excellent job showcasing topics from the dark web that I never knew existed.  Long distance BDSM couples where the guy is the submissive and wears a genital cage for a vast majority of his week.  The woman who sees the value in RFID bio-chipping for humans and has one "installed".  The content moderators who suffer from PTSD after 6 months on the job.  But the most well-crafted, eye-opening, gut-wrenching, heart-sinking episode was, by far, the story on child pornography.  It was done responsibly, devoid of any sensationalism, and was exactly the gut punch you'd expect.  It was unsettling for sure, but it can't all be Fixer Upper and House Hunter reruns.  I feel a responsibility to turn a sensitive, informed eye to these topics to better understand the human condition and the human psyche.  Its not a show for everyone, but maybe you'll find something that speaks to you.  

February 22, 2016

This week: MLB Spring Training, Deadpool, Survivor and The Amazing Race, and more...

Pitchers & Catchers reported..... - ...and all is right with the world.  I enjoy plenty of other sports, much to my wife's chagrin.  I enjoy college and pro football.  I'm intrigued by international soccer, although my comprehension is on-par with an advanced third grader who sits in the front row.  I've loved MMA for over 10 years but watching it has become taxing due to the late starts on a Saturday night.  But baseball is my passion.  I thoroughly enjoy all the nuances and intricacies of the game; the cerebral component of the competition is very appealing to me.  This time of year is always so exciting for me as MLB gets back into the swing of things.  I've had the great fortune to attend Braves Spring Training each of the last four years (maybe five, I can't honestly remember) with the blessing (and sometime attendance) of my wife.  If you've never been I strongly encourage you check it out.  The atmosphere is very easygoing and mostly all of the players are approachable and at arm's length.  I'll go in-depth on the Braves later this month, but my overall opinion of this upcoming season is that they're gonna struggle to win 75 games but that's still an improvement of 8 wins over last season, so I'll take it.  The prospects and young talent are getting alot of attention coming into camp, but the veteran presence at every position could move the needle closer to 80 wins.  But lots of reclamation projects need to turn in the right direction for that to work out.  

Deadpool review NO SPOILERS - I hate when someone says "this isn't gonna ruin the movie, lemme just tell you this one part".  ARGH!!!  There's a reason I don't watch the trailer for certain films.  Trailers are designed to attract the moth to the flame, but with some movies I don't need that carrot on a stick (I like to mix metaphors).  So, I'll tread lightly with my review for Deadpool.  I LOVED it.  Funny, irreverent, graphic, and a major departure from any other comic book movie you've seen.  Consider this your word-of-mouth endorsement.  Go check it out, you won't be disappointed.  I'm already angling to get another night off from Dad Duties to see it again.  

Jeff Probst and Phil Keoghan are back - Survivor and The Amazing Race returned this past week and thus far been pleasing and entertaining.  They may tweak their games/race here and there each season but for the most part they both have a very successful template for success and they don't stray too far off the path.  Jeff Probst is such a powerful, integral part of the show's production that I pondered aloud to my sister if the franchise could survive (haha) without him.  After some discussion we agreed that they could pass the torch (I'm on a roll) to someone within the fraternity of the show (i.e., a former player).  I think Colby Donaldson would be an obvious choice for an audition.  Recent winner Jeremy Collins also has some strong attributes that make him a contender.  My sister thinks former winner Parvati Shallow could transition from the work she's done on CBS.com to become Jeff 2.0.  The most important quality to replace is Jeff's scrutinizing probing (that's my last one) at tribal council.  He has a gift for really stirring the pot and seeing what comes to the top.  There's no reason to think Jeff is leaving, but its fun to entertain the idea of him stepping down and filling that role.  Its like debating Nick Saban's successor.  The Amazing Race's best seasons have avoided the cheesy melodrama of Big Brother and the backstabbing alliances of Survivor.  They've done their best work when they've carved out their own lane in traffic with honest, fair gameplay between teams without a bunch of cliques and in-fighting.  After two episodes, this season appears to fit nicely in that template.  The teams are friendly, fair, and competitive; just the way I like it.


Open forum discussion time - What does Facebook look like in 10 years?  20 years?  Does it truly have the staying power that we all presume it does?  Or does it plateau or even lose subscribers over that span and become MySpace, LYCOS, or HotOrNot?  Is Facebook gonna be the air conditioning of our generation?  That invention that you never knew you couldn't live without.  Or does it fizzle out like Crystal Pepsi?  Lots of questions on the same topic.  Discuss in the comments section.

The worst fight in MMA history - Chad Dundas of Bleacher Report did a much better job documenting and lampooning the "fight" between legendary street brawlers Kimbo Slice and Dada 5000, so I'll share it with you here.  It just as funny as the fight itself.  I watched it the next morning without knowing the outcome and quickly realized that fast forwarding was the easiest way to power through that travashamockery of MMA fighting.  Even on FF I was still laughing out loud at how comical this fight was in front of an arena of fans.  Thankfully I can comfortably mock this fight knowing that Dada 5000 is recovering nicely after nearly dying in the hospital after the fight. NOTE: Watch the birth of "travashamockery" here. 

This was an awesome promotion - This guy got to swing for the fences for an upgrade to his season tickets that he'd already bought.  His clean, powerful swing put him in box seats.  Well done, sir.    

Housekeeping - My original intention with The Chatter was to be a weekly post about sports & entertainment musings.  I set a self-imposed deadline of Friday night.  Then it migrated to Saturday.......night.  Then Sunday came and went and here I am Monday morning working on the rough/final draft.  The reality is that carving out 2 hours a week to write can be challenging, but I truly enjoy the exercise of crafting my thoughts in the written word and sharing them with the handful of folks that I think will enjoy them.  I mention this because as my deadline migrates I have every intention of getting back to that Friday night commitment which means you'll either see a reallllly long break (see: NEXT Friday) or another installment sooner than normal (see: THIS Friday).  Thanks for the support and I'll see you Friday ;)

February 13, 2016

This week: Super Bowl recap, lots of Random Thoughts, Parenting Storytime and more...

I pulled a muscle... - ...patting myself on the back with my incredibly accurate Super Bowl prediction.  Denver's defense played like the No. 1 unit in football and got after Cam (more on him in a minute) all night and Peyton Manning was able to walk off 2-2 in Super Bowls and likely into a Budweiser-sponsored sunset.  The game itself wasn't pretty or spectacular or classic in any way, but it was nice to see the Panthers fall apart at the absolute worst time of the season (says a perpetually-bummed Falcons fan).  

Newton haters (no question marks this time) - If Cam Newton was the victim of an unfounded media crucifixion BEFORE the game, he was certainly the target of some well-reasoned public disappointment and vitriol AFTER the game.  The talking heads and pundits talked this issue to death this week, so I'll leave it alone...for the most part.  My favorite piece of commentary came from Seattle Seahawk Frank Clark who tweeted a video reacting to Cam's complete bailout job on the lost fumble late in the fourth quarter that pretty much sealed the Bronco win:  "That boy's a BITCH!!".  Matter of fact, direct, to-the-point....I like it.  He also added a slightly more eloquent assessment of Cam's diva-like, me-first, parasol-carrying debutante manner of playing: "[In] crunch time he want grapes, I'm eatin' mud".  It didn't help that Cam freely admitted that he purposefully and willfully avoided injury on his "attempt" at recovering that fumble.  If he never makes it back to the Super Bowl, that will be the lasting image of his career archive.  

Random Thoughts 

• The Super Bowl commercials were good (The Date, Alexa, The Ultrasound) and bad (PuppyMonkeyBaby), but the random commercial about "urgent diarrhea" really had me pondering.  Isn't "urgent diarrhea" a bit redundant?  I can't recall a time where diarrhea wasn't urgent and a top priority
• H1 was watching The Little Engine that Could the other day, and Emily unwittingly and hilariously called it The Truck that Can which I joked was the Canadian version.  I also came up with The Moped that Might.  Got any others?
• Watch Judge Judy for a week and you'll think twice about renting (as tenant OR landlord), loaning money to family or friends, or owning a dog. 
• 60 Minutes Sports on Showtime did a piece on Daily Fantasy Sports this week.  They profiled one of the normal heavy hitters in that world and he said that he spends about $1 million a month on thousands of contests.  Meanwhile, I'm still stinging from the $90 I've lost since August.  I was definitely enlightened at how much of a mope I am for being the bait to the big fish of DraftKings.  
• In the spirit of Super Bowl champion Peyton Manning, I'm gonna throw some uncompensated endorsement towards Duluth Trading Company.  I recently bought some of their Buck Naked underwear and boy howdy!!!  Those drawers are so comfy and supportive in all the right places.  I strongly suggest you try out a pair.  My wife got a pair, too, and loves the anti-wedgie component of them.  
• Ben The Bachelor did not disappoint this week and sent Olivia packing and made her take the news in gale force winds on the beach.  The sand shower she got from the tiny twisters whipping across that beach left her with a Rudolph nose and a Huckleberry Hound face.  It was classic.  
• I was never a Beverly Hills, 90210 fan but I learned of this rumor this week.  Did you know that it had a working title of Potomac 20854?

Best Picture nom-nom - I had the unexpected and unintentional pleasure of watching two of the Best Picture nominees this week, Mad Max: Fury Road and The Revenant.  A few quick thoughts: 1) Tom Hardy is a strong contender for his supporting role to Leonardo DiCaprio  2) Mad Max was a complete letdown. Wasn't impressed at all  3) The Revenant was good but I had such unattainable high hopes for it that it too was a bit of a hollow experience.  The cinematography is incredible, not as good as Atonement, but pretty darn good.  There are several scenes that are shot in a way that I've never experienced before.  Lots of quality use of depth and visual trickery.

Restaurant Wars 2: The Strawberry Salad Incident - Top Chef completed their two-part Restaurant Wars episode and SPOILER ALERT the Orange Team completely screwed the pooch on nearly every facet of the challenge.  Their lunch service ran ridiculously late and delayed any productive prep time for dinner.  Each guy on that team faced some serious harsh criticism for various shortcomings in their dishes and/or job performance.  Each of them faced elimination but only one of them had to "pack their knives and go".  I won't ruin it but I was pleased to see this chef hit the bricks.  

Parenting Storytime - When you're home alone with two small children diaper changes regularly become a group activity.  My 10 month old is a mover and a shaker and loves to pull up on anything these days.  My 2+ y/o has recently embraced a daredevil lifestyle that wasn't present three months ago.  A normal bit that we do after concluding his diaper change on top of his changing station/dresser is a modified chest bump where he dives into my chest and I do a figure skater-type lift with him to bonk his head on the ceiling; he loves it.  One day last week things were setting up perfect for our normal post-diaper routine when H2 showed up to ruin our timing.  She was pulling up on his dresser and my Dad clairvoyance quickly predicted that she was about to pinch four of her fingers in the open drawer.  I bent over at the waist to save her digits at the exact moment that H1 went into his BASE jumper release.  BAM!  Amazingly he "landed" bellyflop-style on my lower back and I quickly pinned him against my back with my free hand and prevented a trip to the ER.  It felt like a skit from Police Academy or Naked Gun only with a lot more tears and startled looks. 

December 18, 2015

This week: UFC rematches, Reality Talk, Parenting Storytime, and more..

"It wasn't a real fight" - Former featherweight champ Jose Aldo uttered that sour grapes sentiment (via translator) moments after he was on the receiving end of a record-setting KO (fastest in a title fight) at the hands of newly crowned champ Conor McGregor.  Three championship belts have changed hands in the past month (Ronda Rousey, Chris Weidman, and Jose Aldo) and each former champ faces the inevitable question that surfaces after a title fight loss "Do they deserve a rematch?". 

Rematches are tricky business.  UFC President Dana White regularly asserts the position of "we'll give the fans what they want to see".  But rematches tend to be a little more complex than just putting your finger to the wind of Twitter to see "what the fans want".  There are some basic questions White and matchmaker Joe Silva will ask in the coming weeks to determine whether a rematch is justified.  Let's use our recently dethroned champs as the litmus test for the Rematch Conundrum

• "Was it a close fight?" - Weidman got thoroughly dominated by Luke Rockhold and looked completely mangled after the fight.  Rousey certainly lost the first round to Holly Holm and was KO'd in the second.  Aldo lasted two punches and 13 seconds against McGregor.  Weidman: NO  Rousey: NO  Aldo: NO
• "Is there a clear #1 contender waiting their turn?" - Weidman's middleweight division is experiencing a downturn in talent and the undercard of Saturday's PPV featured a very uninspired bout between the #3 and #4 contenders Yoel Romero and Jacare Souza.  And there are no matchups of worthy contenders on the horizon.  The dearth of talent gives Weidman the edge.  Rousey spent the last 3 years laying siege to the Women's Bantamweight division and should have a leg up on the competition for #1 contender.  But new champ Holly Holm already expressed interest in fighting Miesha Tate instead of a Rousey rematch. However, releasing Rousey back into the division to fight her way back would be like letting a velociraptor loose on an emu farm.  It wouldn't be pretty or fair to anyone.  Aldo entered Saturday on an 18-fight winning streak, and similar to Rousey, had been manhandling the entire division since entering the UFC in 2011 with his WEC Featherweight Belt.  But #1 contender and former Lightweight champ Frankie Edgar just completed his sojourn through the division proving his worthiness as the next man in line for a shot at the title.  Weidman: NO  Rousey: NO  Aldo: YES
• "Will it bring a big audience?" - i.e., would the fans pay to see it?  I don't presume to have a finger on the pulse of MMA fans, so I'll stick to my own pulse.  Weidman got overpowered, outwrestled, and beat up but I think the lack of middleweight talent coupled with his unblemished record entering the fight and the presumption that maybe he just had an off night warrants a rematch.  Rousey looked sluggish, lethargic, slow, and other synonyms that mean out-of-shape.  And Holm played her like a fiddle strategically.  I doubt Ronda makes the same mistakes twice and it would be semi-dangerous to expose the rest of the division to her Road to Redemption.  Multiple fighters would get their arms broken.  Put Rousey and Holm in the cage again and let's see what happens.  Aldo's KO loss was such an outlier that I don't envy the UFC brass deliberating the rematch decision.  Its a 50-50 argument.  It wasn't a normal fight, but it was definitely a real fight, Aldo's sour grapes notwithstanding.  McGregor won fair and square and I think Aldo should start a few rungs down the ladder and climb his way back up.  A McGregor vs Edgar matchup would be a pretty easy sell and would certainly pull some strong numbers.  Weidman: YES  Rousey: YES  Aldo: NO

Since the start of 2010, belts have changed hands via force (i.e. a fight) 13 times, and in only three cases was a rematch granted (B.J. Penn, Frankie Edgar, Anderson Silva) and all three lost again in the rematch.  Those are long odds for each of the recently ousted champs, but each of them have unique, compelling cases for a rematch....except for Aldo, I think Aldo's screwed.

Reality Talk: TV Edition - Ever since MTV debuted The Real World in 1992 reality TV has been evolving to fill millions of hours of airtime.  The format of filming 20-somethings in a new city was just the beginning.  In the last 20+ years TV producers have established a spectrum of reality-based TV sub-genres to satiate the appetite of all sorts of fans.  Now, when I say I watch "reality TV" I'm not embarrassed since its more than just The Kardashians and Bad Girls Club.  Here are some of my faves (and maybe your faves, too)

• Survivor and The Amazing Race (both return in Feb, CBS) - Reality competition is a bonafide Emmy category and these two shows are really fun to watch because they constantly have my wife and I asking "would you do that?" and sparking spirited discussion about who would bungee jump off that rickety bridge in Thailand or how would you fare in this immunity challenge.  Jeff Probst and Phil Keoghan are fun hosts and these are just fun shows.  See also: SYTYCD, The Voice, Dancing With the Stars
• Top Chef (Thursday 10pm, Bravo) and Holiday Baking Championship (Sunday 9pm, Food Network) - Cooking competition shows are very popular and these two caught my eye in the last few years.  I've enjoyed seeing how much variety there is in the culinary world.  I eat pork chops and brownies, but these people cook salmon carpaccio and triple pastry cream croquembouche.  Its fascinating to watch and the judges are entertaining with their critiques.  I actually like that they take it so seriously; it SHOULD be that way.  See also: Chopped, The Great Food Truck Race, Iron Chef America
• The Profit (Tuesday 10pm, CNBC) and Shark Tank (Friday 10pm, ABC) - Reality investment shows are popping up everywhere with the success of Shark Tank.  The Profit is, by far, my favorite.  After three seasons of that show I'm only 4 credits short of my MBA.  I could easily run a Fortune 500 company.....into the ground.  Marcus Lemonis is likable, genuine, fair, savvy, smart, and innovative.  He makes me want to have a failing business just so he can come save it.  Shark Tank has slowly evolved from fringe Friday night filler TV to credible, legitimate American institution.  Its not a punchline anymore rather an exercise in the spirit of American entrepreneurship and ingenuity finding a way to succeed.  Aside: If you watch the episode where Nick Woodman guest-Sharks, keep count of every time he says "You know, when I started GoPro...".  That phrase floated around our house quite a bit after that episode anytime we wanted to humblebrag: [got the boy to sleep on the first try] "You know, when I started GoPro..".  See also: Restaurant Startup, Blue Collar Millionaire, All-American Makers
• Nightwatch (Thursday, A&E 10pm) - Reality crime dramas have been around longer than The Real World and this Dick Wolf-produced docudrama follows the EMT, Fire & Rescue and Police Officers of New Orleans as they work the night shift in a city renowned for lively, raucous crowds.  It pushes the envelope of that age-old disclaimer "Viewer Discretion is Advised", so watch at your own risk.  The characters are very likable and engaging and its inspiring to see such unsung heroes in action.  See also: COPS, Jail, The First 48
• House Hunters (every other hour on HGTV) - Truthfully I don't watch House Hunters much anymore, but it gave rise to dozens of imitators like Buying Alaska, Buying the Rockies, Lakefront Bargain Hunt which I watch semi-regularly.  Shows like these allow you to experience the excitement of house shopping without the added pressure of signing paperwork at the end of the episode.  

Other shows worth a look: Treehouse Masters, Tanked, Redwood Kings, Fixer Upper, Property Brothers, Income Property, Pawn Stars

FAKE!!! Watch with a scrutinizing eye: Mystery Diners, Bar Rescue, South Beach Tow, Operation Repo, Hardcore Pawn

Things we learned this week:

• Russell Westbrook hit this insane buzzer beater
• My Mom shared this Uptown Funk fused with Ginger Rogers-era dance numbers.  It was awesome
• This Dad watching Star Wars with his son for the first time was really sweet
• #adeletickets had me crying laughing with all of the shared experiences of coping with loss and disappointment.  

Parenting Storytime - Henry had the sniffles this week bad enough to warrant staying home from school.  He spent his week slaloming from energized and active to lethargic and cranky.  One of his crankier periods was spent sitting on the couch slowly eating his new favorite snack, Ritz Crackers with Nutella.  I spread a thin layer of that hazelnut chocolaty goodness between two Honey Wheat Ritz and he takes approximately 13 bites to eat it.  We were sitting side-by-side on our loveseat and he's working on bite #7 and I hear a sneeze.  All of bite #7's and most of bite #6's contents now look like Martian kitty litter sprayed all over his left arm.  Henry noticed the tablespoon of green blobulous snot hanging precariously from his nose one second before I did and wiped his left arm across his face making a guacomole kitty litter chutney that had me scrambling to find the nearest towel to spare my leather couch from a disgustingly sticky future.  Couch: Saved.  Towel: Steam-cleaned