April 16, 2016

This week: MLB quick hits, Reality TV Roundup, Parenting Story, and more...

March Madness, personal vacation, family visits, birthday parties, MLB Opening Day (read: Week), aggravating my cousin on Facebook :), and all the joys of parenting.  These were among the many things that kept me away from the keyboard these past few weeks.  It was nice to hear from folks who missed my posts; that was a pleasant surprise.  I truly appreciate the feedback and the interest.  

Trivia for my fans - Waaaay back in the day I used to be a trivia host and question writer for a restaurant promotions company in Atlanta.  It was a ton of fun and I met lots of nice folks along the way (including a really fun family that I'm still friends with to this day).  I'm throwing some trivia into my blog because it just seems fitting.  This is exclusively for your own enjoyment; the answers are at the bottom of the page but you'll need your secret decoder ring to read them :)

1. The 80s - Two instrumentals made it to #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart in the 1980s.  Name them.
2. People - What TV personality appeared on a 1997 cover of Time with the headline "Yep, I'm Gay"?
3. Movies - What legendary actor's final big-screen performance was as the voice of Wylie Burp in An American Tail: Fievel Goes West?
4. World - The affluent beach district of Ipanema is located in what city?
5. Sports - Who is the active rushing yards leader in the NFL? (scroll down for a hint)

MLB not-so-Preview - I'm a little late on my entry into the predictions and prognostications portion of Spring Training, so I'll instead provide some quick hits and random thoughts about the first week or so of the season and the outlook for the marathon to October.

• The Braves are awful - I try to be realistically optimistic when sports seasons begin and I knew this team was going to have some growing pains, struggles, and head-hanging moments, but I didn't realize it would be so hard to win just one game.  They're currently 1-9 (a sneaky late-inning win on Friday night against the Marlins ended their futility) and the outlook isn't pretty.  I predict they finish April with 2 wins, maybe 3 but not more than that.  They're terrible.
• Youth infusion - Every season seems to introduce new and exciting talent at nearly every position and as a proud MLB.tv subscriber I get to tune in and watch guys like Carlos Correa, Francisco Lindor, Miguel Sano, Corey Seager, Trevor Story, Kevin Pillar, Kevin Kiermaier, and many others ply their trades.  Guys like Mike Trout, Bryce Harper, Matt Harvey, Jose Altuve, and Manny Machado are already carrying the torch and making the game competitive and fun to watch.  
• Braves need a youth explosion - Seeing the youth insurgence is a bit bittersweet as a Braves fan, especially this season.  They've stockpiled their organization with a glut of young, elite prospects but their major league roster is a patchwork quilt of retreads (sorry, Frenchy & Bud Norris), past-their-prime vets (sorry, Gordon Beckham & Kelly Johnson), and young arms.  CF Mallex Smith made his debut this week and left the game looking like this. Seems like a fitting punctuation on the kind of season they'll have; constantly getting hit in the face.  I just hope that the next 24 months in Braves Country sees at least 2 of their minor league stars-in-waiting burst on the scene and move this team into contention.  
• Division races abound - I'll address the season as it goes along, but my early predictions are tight division races in the AL East, AL Central (the Royals will come back to Earth a little bit), NL Central (sorry, Reds, not you; you can carpool with the Braves to the support group meetings).  Divisional series will be must-see TV every night.  ASIDE: Wednesday night this week was the perfect scenario for my baseball passion.  E1 was finishing up The Magicians and I had 10 games on (2 four-game mosaics on my computers, a game on my phone, and a game on my extra TV).  It was amazing.  
• Wild Card Playoff Game - I have a lukewarm crusade to eliminate the one-game Wild Card Playoff from baseball.  Both leagues need to host a three-game series with a back-to-back doubleheader starting at 12pm on Monday at the home ballpark of the team with the better record.  A Super Bowl halftime-like atmosphere between games (they can get Journey, Metallica, or John Cougar Mellencamp to perform on the outfield grass) and then back on the field for Game 2.  Managers would have to manage their bullpens accordingly.  And if they split the doubleheader they jump on their awaiting chartered flights to the other city for a deciding Game 3 the following night.  I think that would be one helluva day of baseball.  If you have Rob Manfred's personal cell number, can you do me a solid? 

Sports trivia question hint #1 - Here's your first chance to use your secret decoder ring (aka, simple cursor trick...aka, copy but no paste). His first and last name are both monosyllabic.   You missed it, its back there.

The Internet Ruined My Life - Not MY life, its the name of a new show that me and E1 are watching on SyFy and its sobering.  It's a mismatch for SyFy, it should be on A&E or truTV, but its totally worth checking out.  Shot in a first-person confessional style, each episode chronicles two people's experience of having their lives upended by a simple tweet or Facebook post or Instagram pic.  Each story is different but the humanizing element of internet hounding is what drives the show's appeal.  Don't jump to a short-sighted, "people just need to get over it" or "it can't be that bad" conclusion too quickly without watching the show.  Granted, some of the victims were a bit too cavalier or heady with their fingers on the keyboard, but none of the subjects deserved the treatments they received.  Another show in this same vain is I Survived which I think is still hanging around in the archives of Hulu.

60 Days In - Another show that's caught my eye recently is a reality show on A&E (exactly where it belongs unlike The Internet Ruined My Life) called 60 Days In.  The Clark County (IN) Jail came under a new sheriff last year and in an effort to help learn more about the workings of his jail and, more importantly, to correct criminal behavior and corruption from his staff he created a groundbreaking program.  Seven citizens were selected from a candidate pool to be booked into jail and serve 60 days as a real inmate.  Only two people in the jail system know their real identities and each of the citizens were given backstories (i.e., outstanding warrants, embezzlement charges, forging checks, etc) and then processed into jail.  Its intense for a sheltered noob like me.  I made the mistake of watching the first two episodes right before bed; I couldn't sleep because I thought E1 was gonna steal my commissary.   

Sports Trivia Question Hint #2 - He's a former Hurricane.   This one's a dead giveaway.

Parenting Story - H2 is beginning her journey into the wonderful world of walking.  She's so close to getting one foot in front of the other without assistance and in an effort to help her along we're using one of those push-walkers from Fisher Price.  We went to the Land of the Walkers (aka, the mall) to take a few laps with her.  I was spotting her from behind, diaper bag slung over my shoulder and patiently escorting my daughter through each step (read: snail's pace).  It's a cherished memory I have from H1's learning steps and I enjoy being a part of that process with my daughter.  My kids are people persons and love smiling and giggling at strangers and making even the toughest souls grin, so its not uncommon to hear "oh my, she's so cute" or "you've got your hands full".  I have a small bank of ready-made responses like "yeah, she's a charmer" or "she definitely keeps me on my toes".  Its the normal single-serving exchanges that happen almost every day.  So, when I'm walking behind my daughter and watching all the foot traffic navigate around her I was completely unprepared and caught off-guard when a perfectly normal-looking woman walked right up to me with a smile on her face and said "your life is over, I can see it on your face".  I instinctively gave her one of the autopilot responses that seemed incredibly ill-fitting considering her out-of-the-blue declaration.  She could've walked up to me and said "Mondale was robbed" or "Frosted Flakes taste like sawdust" and I would've been just as unprepared for my comeback.  I can't seem to settle on a good explanation for her comments, but I trend towards "trying to be funny with the stereotypical nonsense about daughters stressing their dads out".  It just came off horribly and has hung around my frontal lobe all week.  

Trivia answers - A simple cursor trick = secret decoder ring.  Ask me privately if you're having trouble.

1. The 80s - Both the Miami Vice theme song (1985) and the iconic music from Chariots of Fire (1981) reached #1 for one week each.  FYI Axel F from Beverly Hills Cop peaked at #3 in 1985.
2. People - Ellen DeGeneres
3. Movies - Jimmy Stewart
4. World - Rio de Janeiro
5. Sports - Frank Gore

February 27, 2016

This week: UFC shakeup, Braves pickup, Parenting Storytime, and more...

You dropped a bomb on me - The UFC dropped a bombshell on Monday when it announced that Lightweight Champ Rafael Dos Anjos was forced to withdraw from the upcoming PPV fight versus Featherweight Champ Conor McGregor.  And the media was abuzz all week as the UFC scrambled to find a worthy opponent to face McGregor on 13 days notice.  We came fleetingly close to the unintended rematch between McGregor and the former champ he decimated in 13 seconds Jose Aldo.  Aldo passed on the chance to fight on short notice.  As did Frankie Edgar who expressed all sorts of sour grapes at the UFC for what appeared to me as very skewed logic.  Nate Diaz accepted the offer to step in and face The Notorious One because he has virtually nothing to lose and a small teaspoon to gain if somehow he manages to best the current baddest man on the planet (this title meanders around Earth constantly like World Famous Clam Chowder or Cutest Cat Vid).  The real draw to this fight for me isn't Diaz or whichever second-class citizen fighter they threw enough money at to fight on short notice, its watching McGregor fight at 170 lbs.  According the latest SI article on The Fighting Irishman, he walks around at 170 and has to cut a ton of weight to get to his division weight of 145.  Will the extra weight translate to more power or slower punches?  I'll pay $60 to find out.  $10 to get in the door.  Who's in?  Elias Cepeda from FOXSports.com did a thorough McGregor-Diaz matchup analysis.  

Baby Braves keep wandering back home - 2005 in Atlanta marked a special time in modern Braves history when rookies Brian McCann, Kelly Johnson, Kyle Davies, Ryan Langerhans, and my personal man-crush Jeff Francoeur debuted at Turner Field.  There was such profound optimism that season that the torch was being passed to the next wave of prospects ready to continue the Schuerholz legacy in Braves Country.  Alas, it was never meant to be.  That team was fun to watch (mostly), but none of those guys really ascended to remarkable heights (save McCann, but his tools translated more to a complementary stud rather than franchise savior).  Well, this week Schuerholz & Co. welcomed back one of those guys on a minor-league deal.  Jeff Francoeur will attempt to claim a reserve outfielder/late-inning pinch-hitter role with the team that nurtured his early career.  I'm truly rooting for him to finish up his career with 4-5 mid-quality seasons where it all started.  Nothing outrageous, just a nice, productive stretch as a utility OF that makes the occasional spot start.  Of course, I rooted for Dan Uggla and look where that got me.  ASIDE: I had a Field Pass one time down at Spring Training and was armed with my Canon DSLR snapping pics of anything and everything.  Several players worked the crowd from right to left signing autographs.  I'm not an autograph guy; I prefer to capture the moments on (digital) film.  Dan Uggla was on autopilot signing fan after fan and was headed my way.  I had no pen, no paper, just my camera.  He gets to me (we're essentially peers since there's no more than 15 mos separating us) and I'm like "uhhh" and he gives me this empty-handed frozen stare, so I just decide to wish him "Good luck this season" and shook his hand.  He seemed really thrown off by that.  It was my brush with not-so-greatness.  


Random Thoughts 

• My phone was down to less than 10% battery with over an hour to go before school pickup and a sleeping baby in the backseat.  In conservation mode, I started scrounging around the van for something to read like I was a Neanderthal in the Stone Age.  I found an old Sports Illustrated I'd already read and this month's Soma catalog.......after several minutes of internal debate, I determined that this season's Embraceable Bra & Pantie Collection has some very tasteful color combinations.  Any port in the storm, I guess.  I followed that up with the Everything Koalas book from Chick Fil A.  I felt like Johnny Five stuck in a glove box.  
• My wife described my new favorite bread as "flaccid".  Ironically, its much harder to put in my mouth now.  

Parenting Storytime - I'm a hoodie guy.  Not sure when it really started, but I love hoodies.  They're so comfy and versatile with their big front pocket and ear-protecting hood.  If I could get a new hoodie every Christmas for the rest of my life I'd be one happy hood-ligan....(not my best work, but I'm going with it).  I recently got a new Braves Spring Training Edition blue hoodie.  I was wearing it Thursday night to dinner with the fam.  Typical family dinner at a sandwich shop with Cranky and Fussy, the forgotten dwarfs.  Fussy the Baby was missing her solids that Dad forgot to pack in the diaper bag.  We found some applesauce squeezies and decided "yeah, she'll be ok with Applesauce Mango".  Two squeezies down the gullet and a less fussy, albeit still sleepy, baby in-hand.  We're packing up our things, doing the standard exit strategizing, and I'm holding not-so-Fussy when I see it.  That look everyone knows ends with snotty noses, gagged reflexes, and acidic sandpaper aftertaste.  I darted through the exit like I just snatched a bunch of diamond necklaces off the counter.  And here it came, the continual lava flow of orange mango applesauce mixed with baby bile.  I embraced her for the first wave and got more than a smidgen on my hoodie.  I then attempted to hold her away from me over the vacant parking space but she wasn't having that.  She held my sweatshirt like I was three weeks late on the money I owed her and I just cradled her into my shoulder and let it all ooze down my sleeve and chest.  Cranky the Fastidious Toddler came out in time for wave #3 and quickly retreated back to the tidy safety of Mommy with a hilarious-even-at-the-time disgusted, mouth agape look on his face.  It drenched my hoodie and soaked through my T-shirt.  I changed into one of my recently dry-cleaned button downs hanging in the back of the van and was good-to-go.  In a show of Parenting Solidarity, a random guy (I presume a Dad) walked by while I was peeling off the vomit-soaked massacre and was like "what's up, man" and gave me the head nod approval of "been there dude".  It took two washes but my hoodie game is still going strong. 

February 22, 2016

This week: MLB Spring Training, Deadpool, Survivor and The Amazing Race, and more...

Pitchers & Catchers reported..... - ...and all is right with the world.  I enjoy plenty of other sports, much to my wife's chagrin.  I enjoy college and pro football.  I'm intrigued by international soccer, although my comprehension is on-par with an advanced third grader who sits in the front row.  I've loved MMA for over 10 years but watching it has become taxing due to the late starts on a Saturday night.  But baseball is my passion.  I thoroughly enjoy all the nuances and intricacies of the game; the cerebral component of the competition is very appealing to me.  This time of year is always so exciting for me as MLB gets back into the swing of things.  I've had the great fortune to attend Braves Spring Training each of the last four years (maybe five, I can't honestly remember) with the blessing (and sometime attendance) of my wife.  If you've never been I strongly encourage you check it out.  The atmosphere is very easygoing and mostly all of the players are approachable and at arm's length.  I'll go in-depth on the Braves later this month, but my overall opinion of this upcoming season is that they're gonna struggle to win 75 games but that's still an improvement of 8 wins over last season, so I'll take it.  The prospects and young talent are getting alot of attention coming into camp, but the veteran presence at every position could move the needle closer to 80 wins.  But lots of reclamation projects need to turn in the right direction for that to work out.  

Deadpool review NO SPOILERS - I hate when someone says "this isn't gonna ruin the movie, lemme just tell you this one part".  ARGH!!!  There's a reason I don't watch the trailer for certain films.  Trailers are designed to attract the moth to the flame, but with some movies I don't need that carrot on a stick (I like to mix metaphors).  So, I'll tread lightly with my review for Deadpool.  I LOVED it.  Funny, irreverent, graphic, and a major departure from any other comic book movie you've seen.  Consider this your word-of-mouth endorsement.  Go check it out, you won't be disappointed.  I'm already angling to get another night off from Dad Duties to see it again.  

Jeff Probst and Phil Keoghan are back - Survivor and The Amazing Race returned this past week and thus far been pleasing and entertaining.  They may tweak their games/race here and there each season but for the most part they both have a very successful template for success and they don't stray too far off the path.  Jeff Probst is such a powerful, integral part of the show's production that I pondered aloud to my sister if the franchise could survive (haha) without him.  After some discussion we agreed that they could pass the torch (I'm on a roll) to someone within the fraternity of the show (i.e., a former player).  I think Colby Donaldson would be an obvious choice for an audition.  Recent winner Jeremy Collins also has some strong attributes that make him a contender.  My sister thinks former winner Parvati Shallow could transition from the work she's done on CBS.com to become Jeff 2.0.  The most important quality to replace is Jeff's scrutinizing probing (that's my last one) at tribal council.  He has a gift for really stirring the pot and seeing what comes to the top.  There's no reason to think Jeff is leaving, but its fun to entertain the idea of him stepping down and filling that role.  Its like debating Nick Saban's successor.  The Amazing Race's best seasons have avoided the cheesy melodrama of Big Brother and the backstabbing alliances of Survivor.  They've done their best work when they've carved out their own lane in traffic with honest, fair gameplay between teams without a bunch of cliques and in-fighting.  After two episodes, this season appears to fit nicely in that template.  The teams are friendly, fair, and competitive; just the way I like it.


Open forum discussion time - What does Facebook look like in 10 years?  20 years?  Does it truly have the staying power that we all presume it does?  Or does it plateau or even lose subscribers over that span and become MySpace, LYCOS, or HotOrNot?  Is Facebook gonna be the air conditioning of our generation?  That invention that you never knew you couldn't live without.  Or does it fizzle out like Crystal Pepsi?  Lots of questions on the same topic.  Discuss in the comments section.

The worst fight in MMA history - Chad Dundas of Bleacher Report did a much better job documenting and lampooning the "fight" between legendary street brawlers Kimbo Slice and Dada 5000, so I'll share it with you here.  It just as funny as the fight itself.  I watched it the next morning without knowing the outcome and quickly realized that fast forwarding was the easiest way to power through that travashamockery of MMA fighting.  Even on FF I was still laughing out loud at how comical this fight was in front of an arena of fans.  Thankfully I can comfortably mock this fight knowing that Dada 5000 is recovering nicely after nearly dying in the hospital after the fight. NOTE: Watch the birth of "travashamockery" here. 

This was an awesome promotion - This guy got to swing for the fences for an upgrade to his season tickets that he'd already bought.  His clean, powerful swing put him in box seats.  Well done, sir.    

Housekeeping - My original intention with The Chatter was to be a weekly post about sports & entertainment musings.  I set a self-imposed deadline of Friday night.  Then it migrated to Saturday.......night.  Then Sunday came and went and here I am Monday morning working on the rough/final draft.  The reality is that carving out 2 hours a week to write can be challenging, but I truly enjoy the exercise of crafting my thoughts in the written word and sharing them with the handful of folks that I think will enjoy them.  I mention this because as my deadline migrates I have every intention of getting back to that Friday night commitment which means you'll either see a reallllly long break (see: NEXT Friday) or another installment sooner than normal (see: THIS Friday).  Thanks for the support and I'll see you Friday ;)

December 11, 2015

This week: Braves trade, Driving pet peeves, Parenting Storytime and more...

Shelby Miller headed to the desert - Parting ways with Shelby Miller became an inevitable truth this offseason and the Braves made it clear that the return on that trade had to blow them away.  And according to multiple media types, the Braves' haul was tremendous.  An immediate starter in CF (Ender Inciarte), a darkhorse rotation candidate (Aaron Blair), and the homegrown boy-made-good from Marietta (Dansby Swanson).  Swanson is the biggest chip of this package; his potential career arc is tantalizing.  He'd be way ahead of schedule if he becomes the 2017 Opening Day starter at SS, but that's probably exactly what the Braves hopes he becomes.  More likely, he makes his debut as a September call-up in 2017 and secures the starting spot in 2018 Spring Training.  Aside: the quiet signing of C Tyler Flowers puts former phenom Christian Bethancourt on notice.  He'll get flipped for a reserve OF or mid-level pitching prospect in the coming weeks. (UPDATE: I meant to say "young reliever and minor league catcher").  Aside #2:  Freddie Freeman might very well get moved this winter, too.  The Cardinals, Pirates, and Astros seem like strong possibilities with weak first base options.

Some real talk: Driving Edition - I'm a reformed speeder and aggressive driver (38 traffic stops, 16 speeding tickets, but only one stop in the last 10 years and that was for rolling through a right turn on a stop sign in my Yaris and I got a warning).  I'm not proud of my history, but I feel it gives me some credence when I assess other drivers and their poor habits and dangerous behavior.  

• The Parking Lot Speeder - aka The Neighborhood Speeder.  25 mph is alot faster when a mother of three with a wild 8 year old comes darting out of a grocery store/driveway.  Pedestrian traffic is an absolute truth in a parking lot/n'hood and 10 mph seems slow, but that's the idea.  Slow down, parking lot speeder.
• The Left Lane Lagger - In 2014, GA enacted the "Slow Poke Law" to prevent drivers from hanging out in the left lane.  Those laggers think they're doing some social service by keeping everyone in line by "enforcing" the speeding laws, but ultimately they put everyone at risk by the sudden slowdowns and the eventual right lane workarounds required by faster traffic to navigate around them.  Move over, slow pokes.
• The Aggressive Tailgater - The archenemy of The Left Lane Lagger.  This was me.  I tried teaching the slow pokes the lesson they deserved by hanging onto their bumper and forcing them over.  I had a pretty sobering moment about 10 years ago that changed my ways.  I wised up, did some soul-searching and realized that I didn't want to forfeit my freedoms and liberties just for that brief satisfaction of driving 90 mph past some old man.  Back off, tailgater. 
• The Lane Darter - They coast past dozens of cars honorably waiting their turn to get through an intersection and dart into a gap.  They would never do this in any other circumstance.  No one would just dart in the concession line at the movie theater simply because the old lady on her cane moved a little slower than most.  Wait your turn, lane darter. 
• The Bob & Weaver - A cousin of The Aggressive Tailgater, this guy bobs & weaves his way through morning rush hour causing sudden slowdowns or stops just so he can maneuver forward 4 car lengths.  Congestion plagues us all, but they're making it worse by stressing everyone out with their sudden and unpredictable behavior.  Take it easy, Bob Weaver.
• The Turn Lane Hanger - You've seen 'em, they lollygag into the center turn lane at 20% speed and take a terrible angle and then get stuck hanging out of the turn lane diagonally.  Their bumper causes an obstacle that must be navigated by everyone coming up behind them.  Its a simple lane change and this person treats it like they're docking a cruise ship blindfolded.  Get it together, Lane Hanger.
• The Emergency Lane Cruiser - This guy takes selfish, anxious, entitled, and brazen and pieces them together to make a Voltron-sized schmuck that cruises in the emergency lane, sometimes popping back into regular traffic to increase the level of difficulty.  Read this story to really bum you out and realize how quickly your life can change by doing this.  
• The Headlight Ignoramus - "Headlights are just as important for them to see you as it is for you to see them." - Dennis Mullen  My Dad dropped that little life lesson on me when he was teaching me about driving at dawn and dusk and I think of it every day when I'm driving Emily to work at 7:30am.  Early morning, foggy dew-covered windows & mirrors, glare of the sun on the horizon its easy to miss speeding on-comers in the neighborhood.  But if they have their lights on, they stand out pretty brightly.  Boats and sea vessels use running lights for exactly this reason.  Brighten up, Headlight Ignoramus.
• Dishonorable mentions: The Emergency Vehicle Disrespecter, The Red Light Runner, The Texter

Its easy to lob tomatoes at these other drivers, but what if you are one of these drivers?  I'm not casting any stones, but next time you're out and about stop and think about your driving habits.  

Random Thoughts

• I identify more with Hudson Hornet and less with Lightning McQueen.  
• I prefer the Christmas classics of the Andy Williams, Bing Crosby, Burl Ives era.  And Harry Connick's When My Heart Finds Christmas.  
• The CFP got it right.  The semifinal matchups are gonna be fun to watch.  New Year's Six, baby!!
• UFC 194 will not disappoint this Saturday.  McGregor & Weidman will prevail in dramatic fashion.  PPV $$ well spent.

Parenting Story of the Week - Henry has been seeing a speech therapist for almost a year and last Monday she started emphasizing his "y" sounds like "yea, yah, yes" etc.  I earned my latest nickname that day, "Daddy-yah" which I heard 7,138 times that afternoon.  Fast forward a week.  The Daddy-yah Counter had eclipsed six digits and exploded into a million pieces.  I'm posted up at a stoplight steady bumpin' my funky fresh new jam Fetty Wap's "Trap Queen" and spittin' rhymes like a boss, gangsta-leanin' like a pimp when my hand dropped at noon on the steering wheel and I sadly remembered I'm driving a minivan.  Ignoring this harsh reality I still rap along....Adam: "I just left the mall, I'm getting fly with my baby, YEAH!....I be in the kitchen cookin pies with my baby, (Henry: "YEAAHH!!")".  My Father of the Year ceremony is later this month.  You're all invited.