March 4, 2016

This week: UFC 196 predictions, XM Hits of the Month, Survivor, and more...

Its pretty easy being green - The pride of Ireland Conor McGregor has spent the past 10 days on turbo mode hyping up and promoting a fight against replacement stiff Nate Diaz.  The trash talk between these two, while mostly forgettable jibber jabber, has been unrelenting since both of them recognize the value of a good sales job of a PPV that was in a kamikaze dive towards that fake Eiffel Tower in Las Vegas.  Their quickly established blood feud is the essence of the fight promotion industry; create a rivalry, sell it convincingly and the eyeballs will pop up on Saturday night.  The fight should be entertaining and might not go exactly the way the brazen McGregor has predicted (although who doesn't love a well-placed, Eddy Gordo capoeira kick??).  McGregor by TKO in the second round is my official prediction.

The ladies are gonna throw some bombs - In a strange (and possibly a teeny bit chauvinistic) twist, the co-main event is the lone title fight of this card and it features newly anointed Bantamweight Champ Holly Holm taking on perennial contender and former Strikeforce Bantamweight Champ Miesha Tate.  Holm has been riding the wave of fame for the last three months and ironically now faces similar challenges that Ronda Rousey faced entering their November title bout.  The chicken dinner and talk show circuit can have some serious impact on a fighter's training, however, Holm's age (34) and maturity give her an edge that a younger fighter might lack in dealing with those distractions.  She's demonstrated a commitment to manage her interview/appearance requests and focus on her training.  Tate, on the other hand, enters this fight with very little hype and fanfare which could prove invaluable as the fight energy builds and she starts to employ her classic frenetic pace.  Both of these fighters are active and like to engage with strikes, particularly kicks with ill-intentions.  Most female fighters throw punches for punishment and not KOs.  But Tate and Holm have a little more spark in the fists than their colleagues and will likely inflict some bloody damage to each other's faces.  Don't overlook Miesha Tate's guile and grittiness.  She has waged some serious wars with tough opponents for title hardware before.  And while she wound up on the losing end of Rousey's patented armbar in December 2013 she proved she has stiff chin and a robotic resolve as she squirmed free of two seriously close submission attempts.  The fight is going to be close as Tate will be far more active than Rousey was and give Holm a much shiftier moving target.  It'll be like trying to hit a jackrabbit square in the face whereas Rousey was like a winded grizzly bear after a large meal standing squarely in front of Holm.  They'll exchange a ton of strikes as they feel each other out for possibly two rounds, but the fireworks won't pop off until Round 3 when Tate deploys her superior wrestling to get Holm to the mat and submit her via arm triangle.  This fight will be really fun to watch.  

COMING SOON: Three tribes become two - Survivor is going with the Brains vs Beauty vs Brawn concept this season and it hasn't disappointed as this new-school of social players engage in the social warfare of the game within the first few days.  Three weeks, three blindsides.  Jenny's motormouth sunk her ship and her scramble to save herself at Tribal was cringingly hilarious.  While Brainy Peter's inflated sense of cocky security was textbook Survivor for his ouster.  It won't be long before they'll need to merge down to two tribes.  But the real "star" so far has been Brainiac Debbie.  Oh man, that lady is Phillip 2.0 (Spies R Us); a full-blown whack-a-doodle cuckoo-bird.  Whoa.  Tune in just to see what zany observation she makes this week. 

Chris Rock hosts the Choice Awards - I was ambivalent towards all the controversy with black actors being overlooked for Oscar nominations.  It was an issue that affected lots of people far more differently than it affected me.  But I was still intrigued to see how Chris Rock aimed to tackle the issue.  Would he deflate its overblown merits by ignoring it altogether and stick with the bread 'n butter Billy Crystal-type monologue?  Or would he go head-on with it and use the forum as a stump campaign for his fellow black actors and expose the blatant racism in Hollywood?  Or would he embrace the gravity of the issue and poke fun at it from various angles?  He chose that last one and I was fine with that, however, I was supremely aggravated and disappointed with his preparedness.  Regardless of which approach he chose, he had 6-8 weeks of prep time to rehearse a well-crafted 8+ min monologue on one of the most-watched events of the year.  And he, instead, did his normal fifth-grade book report, winging it job.  His presentation style relies far too heavily on some semi-off-the-cuff ranting with a smattering of forced uncomfortable laughs.  My ambivalence aside, that issue deserved much better treatment from an informed and affected representative.  Kevin Hart's brief, sincere, casually humorous speech on the topic was a much better testimonial.  

XM Hits of the Month - These songs got turnt up in the Sienna this past month.  Or, in some cases, listened to very faintly in the driver's side front left speaker only.

• We Be Clubbin' by Ice Cube
• Lean Back by Terror Squad (I feel like a total boss gangsta leanin' in my black minivan with the windows down, sunroof open quietly listening to songs like this during mobile naptime)
• Fat Lip by Sum41 
• The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson (little know fact: Eminem did a remake of this song)
• Touch, Peel, and Stand by Days of the New
• Never Say Goodbye by Bon Jovi
• Where'd you Go? by Fort Minor
• Alone Again Naturally by Gilbert Sullivan
• Anvil Chorus by Glenn Miller
• Tuxedo Junction by Glenn Miller (I love me some Glenn Miller)
• Hey Ba Ba Re Bebop by Tex Beneke (been listening to alot of 40s Junction because it makes me think of my Nana)
• Fade into You by Mazzy Star (Channel 34 Lithium needs to be renamed "Lovejoy '97")
• Take Me to the River by Talking Heads
• In the Summertime by Mungo Jerry
• I'll Be Around by The Spinners
• Say it Ain't So by Weezer
• Deeper and Deeper by Madonna
• Can't You See by Total

DraftKings Winning Lineups - Yep, plural!! Of course, I turned $1 into $2 twice but a win's a win and I'm halfway to a Wendy's 4 for $4 deal.  

• PG Damian Lillard
• SG Eric Gordon
• SF Doug "McBuckets" McDermott 
• PF Draymond Green
• C Karl-Anthony Towns
• G Shelvin Mack
• F Ryan Anderson
• Util Tyson Chandler

• PG D'Angelo Russell
• SG Khris Middleton
• SF Gordon Hayward
• PF Jabari Parker
• C Dwight Howard
• G Evan Turner
• F Amir Johnson
• Util Will Barton

February 13, 2016

This week: Super Bowl recap, lots of Random Thoughts, Parenting Storytime and more...

I pulled a muscle... - ...patting myself on the back with my incredibly accurate Super Bowl prediction.  Denver's defense played like the No. 1 unit in football and got after Cam (more on him in a minute) all night and Peyton Manning was able to walk off 2-2 in Super Bowls and likely into a Budweiser-sponsored sunset.  The game itself wasn't pretty or spectacular or classic in any way, but it was nice to see the Panthers fall apart at the absolute worst time of the season (says a perpetually-bummed Falcons fan).  

Newton haters (no question marks this time) - If Cam Newton was the victim of an unfounded media crucifixion BEFORE the game, he was certainly the target of some well-reasoned public disappointment and vitriol AFTER the game.  The talking heads and pundits talked this issue to death this week, so I'll leave it alone...for the most part.  My favorite piece of commentary came from Seattle Seahawk Frank Clark who tweeted a video reacting to Cam's complete bailout job on the lost fumble late in the fourth quarter that pretty much sealed the Bronco win:  "That boy's a BITCH!!".  Matter of fact, direct, to-the-point....I like it.  He also added a slightly more eloquent assessment of Cam's diva-like, me-first, parasol-carrying debutante manner of playing: "[In] crunch time he want grapes, I'm eatin' mud".  It didn't help that Cam freely admitted that he purposefully and willfully avoided injury on his "attempt" at recovering that fumble.  If he never makes it back to the Super Bowl, that will be the lasting image of his career archive.  

Random Thoughts 

• The Super Bowl commercials were good (The Date, Alexa, The Ultrasound) and bad (PuppyMonkeyBaby), but the random commercial about "urgent diarrhea" really had me pondering.  Isn't "urgent diarrhea" a bit redundant?  I can't recall a time where diarrhea wasn't urgent and a top priority
• H1 was watching The Little Engine that Could the other day, and Emily unwittingly and hilariously called it The Truck that Can which I joked was the Canadian version.  I also came up with The Moped that Might.  Got any others?
• Watch Judge Judy for a week and you'll think twice about renting (as tenant OR landlord), loaning money to family or friends, or owning a dog. 
• 60 Minutes Sports on Showtime did a piece on Daily Fantasy Sports this week.  They profiled one of the normal heavy hitters in that world and he said that he spends about $1 million a month on thousands of contests.  Meanwhile, I'm still stinging from the $90 I've lost since August.  I was definitely enlightened at how much of a mope I am for being the bait to the big fish of DraftKings.  
• In the spirit of Super Bowl champion Peyton Manning, I'm gonna throw some uncompensated endorsement towards Duluth Trading Company.  I recently bought some of their Buck Naked underwear and boy howdy!!!  Those drawers are so comfy and supportive in all the right places.  I strongly suggest you try out a pair.  My wife got a pair, too, and loves the anti-wedgie component of them.  
• Ben The Bachelor did not disappoint this week and sent Olivia packing and made her take the news in gale force winds on the beach.  The sand shower she got from the tiny twisters whipping across that beach left her with a Rudolph nose and a Huckleberry Hound face.  It was classic.  
• I was never a Beverly Hills, 90210 fan but I learned of this rumor this week.  Did you know that it had a working title of Potomac 20854?

Best Picture nom-nom - I had the unexpected and unintentional pleasure of watching two of the Best Picture nominees this week, Mad Max: Fury Road and The Revenant.  A few quick thoughts: 1) Tom Hardy is a strong contender for his supporting role to Leonardo DiCaprio  2) Mad Max was a complete letdown. Wasn't impressed at all  3) The Revenant was good but I had such unattainable high hopes for it that it too was a bit of a hollow experience.  The cinematography is incredible, not as good as Atonement, but pretty darn good.  There are several scenes that are shot in a way that I've never experienced before.  Lots of quality use of depth and visual trickery.

Restaurant Wars 2: The Strawberry Salad Incident - Top Chef completed their two-part Restaurant Wars episode and SPOILER ALERT the Orange Team completely screwed the pooch on nearly every facet of the challenge.  Their lunch service ran ridiculously late and delayed any productive prep time for dinner.  Each guy on that team faced some serious harsh criticism for various shortcomings in their dishes and/or job performance.  Each of them faced elimination but only one of them had to "pack their knives and go".  I won't ruin it but I was pleased to see this chef hit the bricks.  

Parenting Storytime - When you're home alone with two small children diaper changes regularly become a group activity.  My 10 month old is a mover and a shaker and loves to pull up on anything these days.  My 2+ y/o has recently embraced a daredevil lifestyle that wasn't present three months ago.  A normal bit that we do after concluding his diaper change on top of his changing station/dresser is a modified chest bump where he dives into my chest and I do a figure skater-type lift with him to bonk his head on the ceiling; he loves it.  One day last week things were setting up perfect for our normal post-diaper routine when H2 showed up to ruin our timing.  She was pulling up on his dresser and my Dad clairvoyance quickly predicted that she was about to pinch four of her fingers in the open drawer.  I bent over at the waist to save her digits at the exact moment that H1 went into his BASE jumper release.  BAM!  Amazingly he "landed" bellyflop-style on my lower back and I quickly pinned him against my back with my free hand and prevented a trip to the ER.  It felt like a skit from Police Academy or Naked Gun only with a lot more tears and startled looks. 

February 6, 2016

This week: The Bachelor, Top Chef, Random Thoughts, XM Hits of the Month and more...

Because you know you've watched it too... - Project Runway I like.  Top Chef (see below) I enjoy.  I've even watched Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta a few episodes at a time.  But The Bachelor is the classic example of trainwreck TV; I can't look away sometimes when E has it on.  Aside: its on for two hours (!!!) but the OnDemand version is only 45 mins which means 75 mins of commercials.  Ridiculous.  This week's cliffhanger has me agonizing over whether Ben's gonna give Olivia the boot.  She is definitely a conniving, manipulative coquette that needs to get her bus ticket back to Harpy Island.  Ben deserves better.  And, I'd like to note, that Ben was a pretty stand-up guy when he was classy enough to take the twins to their Mom's place so that when he dumped Twin #2 she could be consoled by her Mom.  That's exactly how I broke up with the set of twins I dated in college.  Well played, Ben.   

Drama good, tension bad - Top Chef did their Restaurant Wars episode this week and left us hanging with the old "to be continued..." conclusion.  The Restaurant Wars episode never disappoints, but each season the combination of drama & tension shifts more towards the excruciating side of tense.  It makes it almost unbearable to watch Jeremy make such a terrible decision to ignore the rest of his team's tables in favor of giving the judges their dishes.  He's a damn good chef and was a major frontrunner coming into this challenge, but his smug bravado is putting him at serious risk of going home.   Tune in this Thursday at 9pm EST on Bravo for the dramatic conclusion as the teams transition to dinner service and everyone's roles change.  

Random thoughts - 

• In my free time I just wanna sit outside the Chick Fil A drive thru and chuck water balloons at the people who refuse to circle the building to enter the drive thru line, instead choosing to do that half-assed, lazy line-cutting nonsense
• Can we put an indefinite moratorium on announcers using all things "video game" related?  "Oh man, he hit the circle button", "he's doing things you only see in video games", "he hit him with the truck stick".  Come on, Jay Bilas, you're better than that.  Its a tired reference and it needs to be shelved for 10 years minimum.  
• I coined some new terms for my buddy who hates "man cave".  "Bro boudoir" and "dude dungeon".  Got any others?

XM Hits of the Month - These songs burrowed into my ears in January and stayed awhile.

• Blow by Kesha
• Get ur Freak On by Missy Elliott
• Southern Cross by Crosby, Stills, and Nash
• Just Like Heaven by The Cure
• What Do I Have to Do? by Stabbing Westward
• My Girl by The Temptations
• Runaway by Elvis Presley
• Fire & the Flood by Vance Joy
• Blowing Me Up by JC Chasez
• Sound & Color by Alabama Shakes (video is Michael Jackson's Scream meets Matt Damon's The Martian)
• They Reminisce Over You by Pete Rock & CL Smooth
• Hay by Crucial Conflict (some of my best car-dancing in years)
• Time Bomb by Rancid
• Oh Boy by Cam'ron
• Dirt Off Your Shoulder by Jay-Z
• Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne
• People of the Sun by Rage Against the Machine

DraftKings Winning Lineup - I've been playing a TON of free contests just to pass the time; I signed up for nearly 50 in the last 24 hours alone.  But this one back on Monday won me a phat payday of $1.80.  Lunch is on me.  Wanna split a small fry?

• PG Deron Williams
• SG Aaron Afflalo
• SF Chandler Parsons
• PF Kristaps Porzingis
• C Tyson Chandler
• G Archie Goodwin
• F Draymond Green
• Util Devin Booker

NOTE: If you ever pondered "if I was a GM I would just load up on Kentucky Wildcats, I'm guaranteed 50 wins".  Uh, think again.  The Suns have four former Wildcats (Bledsoe, Knight, Goodwin, Booker) and are 14-37.  And the Kings boast three (Cousins, Cauley-Stein, Rondo) and are 21-29.  

The Big Game powered by Copyright Infringement, Inc. - In less than 24 hours from this writing we'll have a Super Bowl Champion; after two weeks of hub-bub and fanfare we're finally gonna see a game.  And everyone (me included) has predicted one of two likely outcomes: Panthers rout or Broncos nailbiter.  Well, I'm ready to step outside the lockstep of American talking heads and predict a Bronco beatdown.  Seattle and Arizona were forced to abandon the run and throw the ball to fight back from huge deficits.  They rushed the ball 12 and 16 times, respectively.  Carolina boasts a Top 5 rush defense but they haven't faced a team committed to the run since Week 16 when Atlanta rushed 30 times (albeit for 77 yds).  If Denver can churn out 4 or 5 yd gains with the above-average tandem of Ronnie Hillman and C.J. Anderson and avoid falling behind early they could set themselves up for a 28-10 shocker.  Their defense is relentless and will be all over Cam Newton and likely return at least one interception for a score.  I'm officially picking Denver to run roughshod over an unsuspecting Panthers team that has very little experience playing from behind.

January 15, 2016

This week: NFL Playoffs, Powerball Mania, Parenting Storytime, and more...

NFL Playoffs continue - A shanked chip shot FG and two dumb personal fouls kept me from going 4-0 last weekend.  My bookie wasn't hearin' my sob story, so I'm officially 2-2 after the Chiefs won with ease (sorry Texan fans, Brian Hoyer is a lot more Billy Joe Tolliver and a lot less Warren Moon) and the Packers staved off eventual elimination for one week.  But those finishes in Cincinnati and Minnesota were maddening and shocking.  Selah, on to next week.  I see Carolina dispatching the Seahawks in convincing fashion, Arizona kicking the Packers to the curb in a tighter battle than their Week 16 matchup, Kansas City continues their march to Super Bowl 50 by beating up Brady & co., and Peyton Manning proves his 20-yd ducks are slightly more accurate than Ben Roethlisberger's 20-yd ducks as Denver wins ugly.  Who's joining me?? Dibs on the recliner.

We hit (only) the Powerball!!!! - My wife and I got caught up in the Powerball fervor this past week and put $50 in the pot the past two drawings.  A cool billion will make you do crazy things.  Laying in bed Wednesday night as the excitement built I saw the first white ball (an 8) roll into place and immediately knew our dreams of wandering the Earth in my dream coach RV went POOF.  Each subsequent white ball kicked me while I was down, but then that magic red ball rolled into place and the mini-burst of elation salvaged an experience that I never really put much faith in despite the excessive research I'd done on "how to claim my winnings".  We had the Powerball and the multiplier and E and I will happily share the $8 we'll claim later this month after setting up our LLC and telling her boss that she's taking an extended vacation.  Lottery dreams do come true.  You're all invited to her retirement party in Tahiti.

The CFP saved the best for last - The New Year's Six really stunk, but the College Football Final between Alabama and Clemson was classic.  I'm always surprised how quickly the season comes and goes, but it certainly concluded with a game you didn't want to see end.  It was a much better game than I was anticipating.  Deshaun Watson should enter next year as the Heisman frontrunner and Clemson has a very good chance to be back in the title game.  But they've gotta get past a pesky Auburn team to start the season.....ahhh, I'm just kidding, they're gonna kill Auburn by 4 TDs.  

NFL Playoff addendum - I'm sticking with Denver to beat Pittsburgh in a race to the injury cart, but I also foresee backup QB Landry Jones possibly strutting in after halftime and leading a comeback that comes up short.  He and WR Martavis Bryant have a good chemistry and there might be an upset in the Rockies.  

DraftKings winning lineup - The PGA is back in action and I jumped on the cart and made $0.75 on the following lineup:

• Padraig Harrington
• Chris Kirk
• Peter Malnati
• Graeme McDowell
• Jordan Spieth
• Jimmy Walker

The Random Triumvirate - This pic of Craig Biggio, George Foreman, and Lil Jon made the rounds this week, and it got me thinking of other trios that would make you do the double-take.  

• Don Beebe, Lennox Lewis, and J.Cole
• Eric Lindros, Charlotte Church, and Willard Scott
• Gary Sheffield, Daniel Craig, and Selena Gomez
• Toni Kukoc, Aretha Franklin, and Donald Rumsfeld
• Jeff Gordon, Flava Flav, and Bindi Irwin
• Jessica Alba, Darryl Strawberry, and Jerry "The King" Lawler
• Greg Ostertag, Peggy Marshall, and Bonecrusher
• Florence Henderson, Robert Lewandoski, and El Chapo

Got any good ones?  Submit them in the comments section.  My favorite will win two tickets to last year's UNC vs Appalachian State basketball game and a $10 gift card to Chili's.  Submissions must be made by Thursday, January 21 at midnight EST.  Make me laugh/smile and you may have yourself a winner.

UFC Fight Night - Another championship belt is on the line Sunday night on FS1 as T.J. Dillashaw faces Dominick Cruz for the bantamweight title.  For a breakdown of the fights, check this out.  The prelims start at 8pm and the main card starts at 10pm.  This is essentially a PPV card that the UFC is giving away for free.  If your New Year's Resolution was to "try out this UFC thing" this is the perfect opportunity.  This card is unlikely to disappoint.  

Parenting Storytime - At H1's 18-month check-up the doctor cited his lack of speech development and used a term that has bounced around my head ever since: verbal explosion.  In the last six months his labeling has steadily improved; he'll say things like "light", "shoe", and "jacket".  He's never suffered from a lack of understanding, he's a bright little guy, its his enunciation that's needed professional attention.  Since early December we've noticed his attempts at sentence formation and storytelling, and the improvements continue to impress us and sometimes catch us off-guard, in a good way.  Aside from his speech stuff, H1 is a remarkably loving, caring child.  I talked to lots of parents of two kids prior to H2 showing up trying to get a headstart on what to expect.  I heard all sorts of stuff that encouraged me and worried me.  Thankfully, from the very beginning he has been nurturing and compassionate towards her.  It regularly warms my heart to see him stop playing with his trains and race over to make sure she has her toy du jour.  He loves her tremendously and I really hope it stays that way.  She woke up the other morning nearly three hours after he did (5am wakeups are common around here, ugh) and within seconds he was pleading with me to put "baby, down" and she was eagerly squirming her way out of my arms to see him.  And off they went crawling side-by-side down the hallway.  He left her in the dust and instinctively transitioned to running into the bonus room.  He quickly returned, dropped down to her level, gave her a big two-armed hug and said as clear as a summer day "I'm so glad to see you".  It was heartwarming on multiple levels and my brain (and heart) had a lot to process from one fleeting moment.  I think the "verbal explosion" is upon us.