April 16, 2016

This week: MLB quick hits, Reality TV Roundup, Parenting Story, and more...

March Madness, personal vacation, family visits, birthday parties, MLB Opening Day (read: Week), aggravating my cousin on Facebook :), and all the joys of parenting.  These were among the many things that kept me away from the keyboard these past few weeks.  It was nice to hear from folks who missed my posts; that was a pleasant surprise.  I truly appreciate the feedback and the interest.  

Trivia for my fans - Waaaay back in the day I used to be a trivia host and question writer for a restaurant promotions company in Atlanta.  It was a ton of fun and I met lots of nice folks along the way (including a really fun family that I'm still friends with to this day).  I'm throwing some trivia into my blog because it just seems fitting.  This is exclusively for your own enjoyment; the answers are at the bottom of the page but you'll need your secret decoder ring to read them :)

1. The 80s - Two instrumentals made it to #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart in the 1980s.  Name them.
2. People - What TV personality appeared on a 1997 cover of Time with the headline "Yep, I'm Gay"?
3. Movies - What legendary actor's final big-screen performance was as the voice of Wylie Burp in An American Tail: Fievel Goes West?
4. World - The affluent beach district of Ipanema is located in what city?
5. Sports - Who is the active rushing yards leader in the NFL? (scroll down for a hint)

MLB not-so-Preview - I'm a little late on my entry into the predictions and prognostications portion of Spring Training, so I'll instead provide some quick hits and random thoughts about the first week or so of the season and the outlook for the marathon to October.

• The Braves are awful - I try to be realistically optimistic when sports seasons begin and I knew this team was going to have some growing pains, struggles, and head-hanging moments, but I didn't realize it would be so hard to win just one game.  They're currently 1-9 (a sneaky late-inning win on Friday night against the Marlins ended their futility) and the outlook isn't pretty.  I predict they finish April with 2 wins, maybe 3 but not more than that.  They're terrible.
• Youth infusion - Every season seems to introduce new and exciting talent at nearly every position and as a proud MLB.tv subscriber I get to tune in and watch guys like Carlos Correa, Francisco Lindor, Miguel Sano, Corey Seager, Trevor Story, Kevin Pillar, Kevin Kiermaier, and many others ply their trades.  Guys like Mike Trout, Bryce Harper, Matt Harvey, Jose Altuve, and Manny Machado are already carrying the torch and making the game competitive and fun to watch.  
• Braves need a youth explosion - Seeing the youth insurgence is a bit bittersweet as a Braves fan, especially this season.  They've stockpiled their organization with a glut of young, elite prospects but their major league roster is a patchwork quilt of retreads (sorry, Frenchy & Bud Norris), past-their-prime vets (sorry, Gordon Beckham & Kelly Johnson), and young arms.  CF Mallex Smith made his debut this week and left the game looking like this. Seems like a fitting punctuation on the kind of season they'll have; constantly getting hit in the face.  I just hope that the next 24 months in Braves Country sees at least 2 of their minor league stars-in-waiting burst on the scene and move this team into contention.  
• Division races abound - I'll address the season as it goes along, but my early predictions are tight division races in the AL East, AL Central (the Royals will come back to Earth a little bit), NL Central (sorry, Reds, not you; you can carpool with the Braves to the support group meetings).  Divisional series will be must-see TV every night.  ASIDE: Wednesday night this week was the perfect scenario for my baseball passion.  E1 was finishing up The Magicians and I had 10 games on (2 four-game mosaics on my computers, a game on my phone, and a game on my extra TV).  It was amazing.  
• Wild Card Playoff Game - I have a lukewarm crusade to eliminate the one-game Wild Card Playoff from baseball.  Both leagues need to host a three-game series with a back-to-back doubleheader starting at 12pm on Monday at the home ballpark of the team with the better record.  A Super Bowl halftime-like atmosphere between games (they can get Journey, Metallica, or John Cougar Mellencamp to perform on the outfield grass) and then back on the field for Game 2.  Managers would have to manage their bullpens accordingly.  And if they split the doubleheader they jump on their awaiting chartered flights to the other city for a deciding Game 3 the following night.  I think that would be one helluva day of baseball.  If you have Rob Manfred's personal cell number, can you do me a solid? 

Sports trivia question hint #1 - Here's your first chance to use your secret decoder ring (aka, simple cursor trick...aka, copy but no paste). His first and last name are both monosyllabic.   You missed it, its back there.

The Internet Ruined My Life - Not MY life, its the name of a new show that me and E1 are watching on SyFy and its sobering.  It's a mismatch for SyFy, it should be on A&E or truTV, but its totally worth checking out.  Shot in a first-person confessional style, each episode chronicles two people's experience of having their lives upended by a simple tweet or Facebook post or Instagram pic.  Each story is different but the humanizing element of internet hounding is what drives the show's appeal.  Don't jump to a short-sighted, "people just need to get over it" or "it can't be that bad" conclusion too quickly without watching the show.  Granted, some of the victims were a bit too cavalier or heady with their fingers on the keyboard, but none of the subjects deserved the treatments they received.  Another show in this same vain is I Survived which I think is still hanging around in the archives of Hulu.

60 Days In - Another show that's caught my eye recently is a reality show on A&E (exactly where it belongs unlike The Internet Ruined My Life) called 60 Days In.  The Clark County (IN) Jail came under a new sheriff last year and in an effort to help learn more about the workings of his jail and, more importantly, to correct criminal behavior and corruption from his staff he created a groundbreaking program.  Seven citizens were selected from a candidate pool to be booked into jail and serve 60 days as a real inmate.  Only two people in the jail system know their real identities and each of the citizens were given backstories (i.e., outstanding warrants, embezzlement charges, forging checks, etc) and then processed into jail.  Its intense for a sheltered noob like me.  I made the mistake of watching the first two episodes right before bed; I couldn't sleep because I thought E1 was gonna steal my commissary.   

Sports Trivia Question Hint #2 - He's a former Hurricane.   This one's a dead giveaway.

Parenting Story - H2 is beginning her journey into the wonderful world of walking.  She's so close to getting one foot in front of the other without assistance and in an effort to help her along we're using one of those push-walkers from Fisher Price.  We went to the Land of the Walkers (aka, the mall) to take a few laps with her.  I was spotting her from behind, diaper bag slung over my shoulder and patiently escorting my daughter through each step (read: snail's pace).  It's a cherished memory I have from H1's learning steps and I enjoy being a part of that process with my daughter.  My kids are people persons and love smiling and giggling at strangers and making even the toughest souls grin, so its not uncommon to hear "oh my, she's so cute" or "you've got your hands full".  I have a small bank of ready-made responses like "yeah, she's a charmer" or "she definitely keeps me on my toes".  Its the normal single-serving exchanges that happen almost every day.  So, when I'm walking behind my daughter and watching all the foot traffic navigate around her I was completely unprepared and caught off-guard when a perfectly normal-looking woman walked right up to me with a smile on her face and said "your life is over, I can see it on your face".  I instinctively gave her one of the autopilot responses that seemed incredibly ill-fitting considering her out-of-the-blue declaration.  She could've walked up to me and said "Mondale was robbed" or "Frosted Flakes taste like sawdust" and I would've been just as unprepared for my comeback.  I can't seem to settle on a good explanation for her comments, but I trend towards "trying to be funny with the stereotypical nonsense about daughters stressing their dads out".  It just came off horribly and has hung around my frontal lobe all week.  

Trivia answers - A simple cursor trick = secret decoder ring.  Ask me privately if you're having trouble.

1. The 80s - Both the Miami Vice theme song (1985) and the iconic music from Chariots of Fire (1981) reached #1 for one week each.  FYI Axel F from Beverly Hills Cop peaked at #3 in 1985.
2. People - Ellen DeGeneres
3. Movies - Jimmy Stewart
4. World - Rio de Janeiro
5. Sports - Frank Gore

February 27, 2016

This week: UFC shakeup, Braves pickup, Parenting Storytime, and more...

You dropped a bomb on me - The UFC dropped a bombshell on Monday when it announced that Lightweight Champ Rafael Dos Anjos was forced to withdraw from the upcoming PPV fight versus Featherweight Champ Conor McGregor.  And the media was abuzz all week as the UFC scrambled to find a worthy opponent to face McGregor on 13 days notice.  We came fleetingly close to the unintended rematch between McGregor and the former champ he decimated in 13 seconds Jose Aldo.  Aldo passed on the chance to fight on short notice.  As did Frankie Edgar who expressed all sorts of sour grapes at the UFC for what appeared to me as very skewed logic.  Nate Diaz accepted the offer to step in and face The Notorious One because he has virtually nothing to lose and a small teaspoon to gain if somehow he manages to best the current baddest man on the planet (this title meanders around Earth constantly like World Famous Clam Chowder or Cutest Cat Vid).  The real draw to this fight for me isn't Diaz or whichever second-class citizen fighter they threw enough money at to fight on short notice, its watching McGregor fight at 170 lbs.  According the latest SI article on The Fighting Irishman, he walks around at 170 and has to cut a ton of weight to get to his division weight of 145.  Will the extra weight translate to more power or slower punches?  I'll pay $60 to find out.  $10 to get in the door.  Who's in?  Elias Cepeda from FOXSports.com did a thorough McGregor-Diaz matchup analysis.  

Baby Braves keep wandering back home - 2005 in Atlanta marked a special time in modern Braves history when rookies Brian McCann, Kelly Johnson, Kyle Davies, Ryan Langerhans, and my personal man-crush Jeff Francoeur debuted at Turner Field.  There was such profound optimism that season that the torch was being passed to the next wave of prospects ready to continue the Schuerholz legacy in Braves Country.  Alas, it was never meant to be.  That team was fun to watch (mostly), but none of those guys really ascended to remarkable heights (save McCann, but his tools translated more to a complementary stud rather than franchise savior).  Well, this week Schuerholz & Co. welcomed back one of those guys on a minor-league deal.  Jeff Francoeur will attempt to claim a reserve outfielder/late-inning pinch-hitter role with the team that nurtured his early career.  I'm truly rooting for him to finish up his career with 4-5 mid-quality seasons where it all started.  Nothing outrageous, just a nice, productive stretch as a utility OF that makes the occasional spot start.  Of course, I rooted for Dan Uggla and look where that got me.  ASIDE: I had a Field Pass one time down at Spring Training and was armed with my Canon DSLR snapping pics of anything and everything.  Several players worked the crowd from right to left signing autographs.  I'm not an autograph guy; I prefer to capture the moments on (digital) film.  Dan Uggla was on autopilot signing fan after fan and was headed my way.  I had no pen, no paper, just my camera.  He gets to me (we're essentially peers since there's no more than 15 mos separating us) and I'm like "uhhh" and he gives me this empty-handed frozen stare, so I just decide to wish him "Good luck this season" and shook his hand.  He seemed really thrown off by that.  It was my brush with not-so-greatness.  


Random Thoughts 

• My phone was down to less than 10% battery with over an hour to go before school pickup and a sleeping baby in the backseat.  In conservation mode, I started scrounging around the van for something to read like I was a Neanderthal in the Stone Age.  I found an old Sports Illustrated I'd already read and this month's Soma catalog.......after several minutes of internal debate, I determined that this season's Embraceable Bra & Pantie Collection has some very tasteful color combinations.  Any port in the storm, I guess.  I followed that up with the Everything Koalas book from Chick Fil A.  I felt like Johnny Five stuck in a glove box.  
• My wife described my new favorite bread as "flaccid".  Ironically, its much harder to put in my mouth now.  

Parenting Storytime - I'm a hoodie guy.  Not sure when it really started, but I love hoodies.  They're so comfy and versatile with their big front pocket and ear-protecting hood.  If I could get a new hoodie every Christmas for the rest of my life I'd be one happy hood-ligan....(not my best work, but I'm going with it).  I recently got a new Braves Spring Training Edition blue hoodie.  I was wearing it Thursday night to dinner with the fam.  Typical family dinner at a sandwich shop with Cranky and Fussy, the forgotten dwarfs.  Fussy the Baby was missing her solids that Dad forgot to pack in the diaper bag.  We found some applesauce squeezies and decided "yeah, she'll be ok with Applesauce Mango".  Two squeezies down the gullet and a less fussy, albeit still sleepy, baby in-hand.  We're packing up our things, doing the standard exit strategizing, and I'm holding not-so-Fussy when I see it.  That look everyone knows ends with snotty noses, gagged reflexes, and acidic sandpaper aftertaste.  I darted through the exit like I just snatched a bunch of diamond necklaces off the counter.  And here it came, the continual lava flow of orange mango applesauce mixed with baby bile.  I embraced her for the first wave and got more than a smidgen on my hoodie.  I then attempted to hold her away from me over the vacant parking space but she wasn't having that.  She held my sweatshirt like I was three weeks late on the money I owed her and I just cradled her into my shoulder and let it all ooze down my sleeve and chest.  Cranky the Fastidious Toddler came out in time for wave #3 and quickly retreated back to the tidy safety of Mommy with a hilarious-even-at-the-time disgusted, mouth agape look on his face.  It drenched my hoodie and soaked through my T-shirt.  I changed into one of my recently dry-cleaned button downs hanging in the back of the van and was good-to-go.  In a show of Parenting Solidarity, a random guy (I presume a Dad) walked by while I was peeling off the vomit-soaked massacre and was like "what's up, man" and gave me the head nod approval of "been there dude".  It took two washes but my hoodie game is still going strong. 

February 13, 2016

This week: Super Bowl recap, lots of Random Thoughts, Parenting Storytime and more...

I pulled a muscle... - ...patting myself on the back with my incredibly accurate Super Bowl prediction.  Denver's defense played like the No. 1 unit in football and got after Cam (more on him in a minute) all night and Peyton Manning was able to walk off 2-2 in Super Bowls and likely into a Budweiser-sponsored sunset.  The game itself wasn't pretty or spectacular or classic in any way, but it was nice to see the Panthers fall apart at the absolute worst time of the season (says a perpetually-bummed Falcons fan).  

Newton haters (no question marks this time) - If Cam Newton was the victim of an unfounded media crucifixion BEFORE the game, he was certainly the target of some well-reasoned public disappointment and vitriol AFTER the game.  The talking heads and pundits talked this issue to death this week, so I'll leave it alone...for the most part.  My favorite piece of commentary came from Seattle Seahawk Frank Clark who tweeted a video reacting to Cam's complete bailout job on the lost fumble late in the fourth quarter that pretty much sealed the Bronco win:  "That boy's a BITCH!!".  Matter of fact, direct, to-the-point....I like it.  He also added a slightly more eloquent assessment of Cam's diva-like, me-first, parasol-carrying debutante manner of playing: "[In] crunch time he want grapes, I'm eatin' mud".  It didn't help that Cam freely admitted that he purposefully and willfully avoided injury on his "attempt" at recovering that fumble.  If he never makes it back to the Super Bowl, that will be the lasting image of his career archive.  

Random Thoughts 

• The Super Bowl commercials were good (The Date, Alexa, The Ultrasound) and bad (PuppyMonkeyBaby), but the random commercial about "urgent diarrhea" really had me pondering.  Isn't "urgent diarrhea" a bit redundant?  I can't recall a time where diarrhea wasn't urgent and a top priority
• H1 was watching The Little Engine that Could the other day, and Emily unwittingly and hilariously called it The Truck that Can which I joked was the Canadian version.  I also came up with The Moped that Might.  Got any others?
• Watch Judge Judy for a week and you'll think twice about renting (as tenant OR landlord), loaning money to family or friends, or owning a dog. 
• 60 Minutes Sports on Showtime did a piece on Daily Fantasy Sports this week.  They profiled one of the normal heavy hitters in that world and he said that he spends about $1 million a month on thousands of contests.  Meanwhile, I'm still stinging from the $90 I've lost since August.  I was definitely enlightened at how much of a mope I am for being the bait to the big fish of DraftKings.  
• In the spirit of Super Bowl champion Peyton Manning, I'm gonna throw some uncompensated endorsement towards Duluth Trading Company.  I recently bought some of their Buck Naked underwear and boy howdy!!!  Those drawers are so comfy and supportive in all the right places.  I strongly suggest you try out a pair.  My wife got a pair, too, and loves the anti-wedgie component of them.  
• Ben The Bachelor did not disappoint this week and sent Olivia packing and made her take the news in gale force winds on the beach.  The sand shower she got from the tiny twisters whipping across that beach left her with a Rudolph nose and a Huckleberry Hound face.  It was classic.  
• I was never a Beverly Hills, 90210 fan but I learned of this rumor this week.  Did you know that it had a working title of Potomac 20854?

Best Picture nom-nom - I had the unexpected and unintentional pleasure of watching two of the Best Picture nominees this week, Mad Max: Fury Road and The Revenant.  A few quick thoughts: 1) Tom Hardy is a strong contender for his supporting role to Leonardo DiCaprio  2) Mad Max was a complete letdown. Wasn't impressed at all  3) The Revenant was good but I had such unattainable high hopes for it that it too was a bit of a hollow experience.  The cinematography is incredible, not as good as Atonement, but pretty darn good.  There are several scenes that are shot in a way that I've never experienced before.  Lots of quality use of depth and visual trickery.

Restaurant Wars 2: The Strawberry Salad Incident - Top Chef completed their two-part Restaurant Wars episode and SPOILER ALERT the Orange Team completely screwed the pooch on nearly every facet of the challenge.  Their lunch service ran ridiculously late and delayed any productive prep time for dinner.  Each guy on that team faced some serious harsh criticism for various shortcomings in their dishes and/or job performance.  Each of them faced elimination but only one of them had to "pack their knives and go".  I won't ruin it but I was pleased to see this chef hit the bricks.  

Parenting Storytime - When you're home alone with two small children diaper changes regularly become a group activity.  My 10 month old is a mover and a shaker and loves to pull up on anything these days.  My 2+ y/o has recently embraced a daredevil lifestyle that wasn't present three months ago.  A normal bit that we do after concluding his diaper change on top of his changing station/dresser is a modified chest bump where he dives into my chest and I do a figure skater-type lift with him to bonk his head on the ceiling; he loves it.  One day last week things were setting up perfect for our normal post-diaper routine when H2 showed up to ruin our timing.  She was pulling up on his dresser and my Dad clairvoyance quickly predicted that she was about to pinch four of her fingers in the open drawer.  I bent over at the waist to save her digits at the exact moment that H1 went into his BASE jumper release.  BAM!  Amazingly he "landed" bellyflop-style on my lower back and I quickly pinned him against my back with my free hand and prevented a trip to the ER.  It felt like a skit from Police Academy or Naked Gun only with a lot more tears and startled looks. 

January 30, 2016

This week: NFL season comes to a close, UFC news, Parenting Story, and more...

Manning rides his battered Bronco into the Bay Area - The NFL Conference Title games went in opposite directions from each other and certainly didn't fit the expectations of most prognosticators.  Denver defended home-field with a tenacious, pressuring assault on Tom Brady and still had to sweat it out at the end of a 20-18 battle.  Meanwhile Carolina totally torched a Cardinals team that looked horribly outmatched in every phase of the game.  Heading into to Super Bowl week its fairly obvious that most of America is preparing for a Panther rout.  The extra week of preparation is the X-factor when it comes to the Super Bowl as both teams can iron out any gameplan tendencies that their opponent can exploit.  The chess match began Monday morning this week and while I still expect the Panthers to throttle Denver to a tune of 45-10, I'm really hoping for a 24-21 nailbiter.  Either way I'll be watching the commercials.  For fun, here's one of my faves.  It really struck a chord with me in that "American Spirit" kinda way.  Plus, who doesn't love Paul Harvey?

Newton haters?? - A frequent talking point this week was "Cam Newton is disrespected because he's (insert negative term here)".  Loud, irreverent, unsportsmanlike, selfish, arrogant, immature, depending on who you were listening to.  What bugged me about all this coverage was the fact that I never saw anyone actually report that, or write that, or assert the first-person position that Cam Newton is a loud-mouthed bum who doesn't deserve to play in the NFL or anyone go that extra step and vilify him because of his race.  I heard people talking about people who felt that way, but I never saw a specific example of that negative posturing.  It feels like a bunch of bluster over nothing.  Or worse, veiled negative commentary presented from a second-person POV.  For the record, I have no issues with Cam as a player (and have no opinion on him as a person, but he seems like a swell guy).  He's big, athletic, and committed to winning while honing his craft.  I have zero opinion on his race since I believe race is only an issue because people make it an issue.  Lots of intolerance based on race goes away when we ignore race altogether and assess character instead.  He's a great quarterback having an MVP campaign this season; just tip your cap to the man and wish him good health.  And I'm a Falcons fan :)  Btw, if you have some hard evidence of someone taking an assertive stance on "Cam sucks and here's why", then I'd like to examine it.  

UFC took it on the chin this week - UFC 196 was slated as the marquee Super Bowl weekend PPV featuring the granddaddy of 'em all, a heavyweight title fight.  Unfortunately both the champ Fabricio Werdum and the challenger (and former champ) Cain Velasquez suffered injuries which forced the UFC to make a bold, unprecedented move and scrap the main event altogether, elevate the co-main event and strip the PPV status from this card.  Now, everyone will get another free card on FS1.  Mark it on your calendar!! Saturday February 6, 10pm EST.

And now you know... - The term "bury the hatchet" traces back to Native American culture when warring tribes would settle their differences peacefully and as a symbolic show of good faith they would bury a hatchet.  The inverse is true, too.  If either side wanted to express an end to peace time, they would dig up the hatchet, tap gloves, and wait for Big John McCarthy to scream "LET'S GET IT ON!!".  And now you know.*

I still have no game, but neither does Russell Wilson - I stumbled across this little tidbit and laughed out loud for several minutes, and I couldn't exactly pinpoint why it was so funny to me.  I guess I just identified with that juvenile practice of feigning being suave and debonair like some corny rom-com where the nerd makes all the right moves despite the supreme embarrassment.  That, and Russell Wilson getting burned on Twitter just seemed really hilarious at the time. 

I'm pro-vaccination and not afraid to toss this out there - I fall squarely in the pro-vaccination camp, but don't really enjoy the social awkwardness that comes with discussing this with friends.  So, I'll let my new favorite snarky YouTube sensation ZDogg MD express my sentiments for me.

Parenting Storytime - Last weekend the weatherman dumped about 4 inches of snow and sleet in our area.  24 hours after it began things had settled down and I began the arduous shoveling process that never plagued me in my four years living in Florida (I'd still take shoveling snow over anything in Gainesville....except Tijuana Flats, I love me some Tijuana Flats).  H1 joined me outside as I started to dig out a path for my Swagger Wagon to safely exit our driveway.  I quickly became equal parts exhausted and self-conscious that my busybody neighbor and the snot-nosed punks down the street were watching me wondering how many times I was gonna fake talking to my son when, in fact, I was taking a breather between every third shovel hoist.  "Honey, come watch the big guy across the street act like he's chatting with his two year old".  I was able to slice a path in the meager icepack and had discarded the chunks of mini-icebergs in my yard with each shovel toss.  I then moved to the windshield of the van, opposite of my driveway swath, and started sweeping off the powder and ice.  Meanwhile, H1 is meandering around playing with his cars and scooter and what-not.....I thought.  I spent about ten minutes hyperfocused on achieving clear driving visibility and returned to the rear of the van only to find that my son had moved more than 25 mini-icebergs "back where they go".  Yep, he'd spent ten minutes walking back-and-forth putting the snow back behind the van because he likes for things to be where they belong.  And that is where they stayed, no more shoveling for this walrus.

*courtesy of The Book of Useless Knowledge by Dan Voorhees

January 15, 2016

This week: NFL Playoffs, Powerball Mania, Parenting Storytime, and more...

NFL Playoffs continue - A shanked chip shot FG and two dumb personal fouls kept me from going 4-0 last weekend.  My bookie wasn't hearin' my sob story, so I'm officially 2-2 after the Chiefs won with ease (sorry Texan fans, Brian Hoyer is a lot more Billy Joe Tolliver and a lot less Warren Moon) and the Packers staved off eventual elimination for one week.  But those finishes in Cincinnati and Minnesota were maddening and shocking.  Selah, on to next week.  I see Carolina dispatching the Seahawks in convincing fashion, Arizona kicking the Packers to the curb in a tighter battle than their Week 16 matchup, Kansas City continues their march to Super Bowl 50 by beating up Brady & co., and Peyton Manning proves his 20-yd ducks are slightly more accurate than Ben Roethlisberger's 20-yd ducks as Denver wins ugly.  Who's joining me?? Dibs on the recliner.

We hit (only) the Powerball!!!! - My wife and I got caught up in the Powerball fervor this past week and put $50 in the pot the past two drawings.  A cool billion will make you do crazy things.  Laying in bed Wednesday night as the excitement built I saw the first white ball (an 8) roll into place and immediately knew our dreams of wandering the Earth in my dream coach RV went POOF.  Each subsequent white ball kicked me while I was down, but then that magic red ball rolled into place and the mini-burst of elation salvaged an experience that I never really put much faith in despite the excessive research I'd done on "how to claim my winnings".  We had the Powerball and the multiplier and E and I will happily share the $8 we'll claim later this month after setting up our LLC and telling her boss that she's taking an extended vacation.  Lottery dreams do come true.  You're all invited to her retirement party in Tahiti.

The CFP saved the best for last - The New Year's Six really stunk, but the College Football Final between Alabama and Clemson was classic.  I'm always surprised how quickly the season comes and goes, but it certainly concluded with a game you didn't want to see end.  It was a much better game than I was anticipating.  Deshaun Watson should enter next year as the Heisman frontrunner and Clemson has a very good chance to be back in the title game.  But they've gotta get past a pesky Auburn team to start the season.....ahhh, I'm just kidding, they're gonna kill Auburn by 4 TDs.  

NFL Playoff addendum - I'm sticking with Denver to beat Pittsburgh in a race to the injury cart, but I also foresee backup QB Landry Jones possibly strutting in after halftime and leading a comeback that comes up short.  He and WR Martavis Bryant have a good chemistry and there might be an upset in the Rockies.  

DraftKings winning lineup - The PGA is back in action and I jumped on the cart and made $0.75 on the following lineup:

• Padraig Harrington
• Chris Kirk
• Peter Malnati
• Graeme McDowell
• Jordan Spieth
• Jimmy Walker

The Random Triumvirate - This pic of Craig Biggio, George Foreman, and Lil Jon made the rounds this week, and it got me thinking of other trios that would make you do the double-take.  

• Don Beebe, Lennox Lewis, and J.Cole
• Eric Lindros, Charlotte Church, and Willard Scott
• Gary Sheffield, Daniel Craig, and Selena Gomez
• Toni Kukoc, Aretha Franklin, and Donald Rumsfeld
• Jeff Gordon, Flava Flav, and Bindi Irwin
• Jessica Alba, Darryl Strawberry, and Jerry "The King" Lawler
• Greg Ostertag, Peggy Marshall, and Bonecrusher
• Florence Henderson, Robert Lewandoski, and El Chapo

Got any good ones?  Submit them in the comments section.  My favorite will win two tickets to last year's UNC vs Appalachian State basketball game and a $10 gift card to Chili's.  Submissions must be made by Thursday, January 21 at midnight EST.  Make me laugh/smile and you may have yourself a winner.

UFC Fight Night - Another championship belt is on the line Sunday night on FS1 as T.J. Dillashaw faces Dominick Cruz for the bantamweight title.  For a breakdown of the fights, check this out.  The prelims start at 8pm and the main card starts at 10pm.  This is essentially a PPV card that the UFC is giving away for free.  If your New Year's Resolution was to "try out this UFC thing" this is the perfect opportunity.  This card is unlikely to disappoint.  

Parenting Storytime - At H1's 18-month check-up the doctor cited his lack of speech development and used a term that has bounced around my head ever since: verbal explosion.  In the last six months his labeling has steadily improved; he'll say things like "light", "shoe", and "jacket".  He's never suffered from a lack of understanding, he's a bright little guy, its his enunciation that's needed professional attention.  Since early December we've noticed his attempts at sentence formation and storytelling, and the improvements continue to impress us and sometimes catch us off-guard, in a good way.  Aside from his speech stuff, H1 is a remarkably loving, caring child.  I talked to lots of parents of two kids prior to H2 showing up trying to get a headstart on what to expect.  I heard all sorts of stuff that encouraged me and worried me.  Thankfully, from the very beginning he has been nurturing and compassionate towards her.  It regularly warms my heart to see him stop playing with his trains and race over to make sure she has her toy du jour.  He loves her tremendously and I really hope it stays that way.  She woke up the other morning nearly three hours after he did (5am wakeups are common around here, ugh) and within seconds he was pleading with me to put "baby, down" and she was eagerly squirming her way out of my arms to see him.  And off they went crawling side-by-side down the hallway.  He left her in the dust and instinctively transitioned to running into the bonus room.  He quickly returned, dropped down to her level, gave her a big two-armed hug and said as clear as a summer day "I'm so glad to see you".  It was heartwarming on multiple levels and my brain (and heart) had a lot to process from one fleeting moment.  I think the "verbal explosion" is upon us.  

January 8, 2016

This week: New Year's Sux, XM Hits of the Month, Storytime, and more...

Like my fellow big wig media brethren (Mike & Mike, Dan Patrick, PTI, etc.) I elected to spend the holiday break with family and friends, while anxiously pondering all the topics for new content in the new year.  Happy New Year to all and to all a good winter...brrrr!

The New Year's Six disappoints - When the College Football Playoff people laid claim to the idea of redefining America's New Year's experience I bought in completely, mainly because NYE is my 2nd-least favorite holiday behind Halloween.  College football is the best product to capture my viewership on a day full of countdowns and B-list celebrities.  Sadly, this season's New Year's Six were terrible.  Every game was out-of-hand and decided by halftime with a 24.2 pt average margin of victory.  The matchups were intriguing but the performances were lackluster.  The most mind-boggling component of that colossal letdown was the sheer probability that 6 games would all end up with the same outcome, blowout.  By the time the Sugar Bowl kicked off, Ole Miss and Oklahoma State needed to play the most amazing, historic, epic college football game in the history of the sport to stand a chance at redeeming an experience that found me watching alot more of the Mythbusters marathon than competitive football.  Ole Miss was up 34-6 at halftime and I was enjoying the episode where Adam & Jamie make a duct tape bridge.  Better luck next year New Year's Six.  Don't let me down again.

Fun note about the wife and why I love her so - She wandered in while the Peach Bowl was on and asked "Houston and Florida State??  Houston's not in the SEC.  I thought this was a SEC vs ACC bowl??"  I was simultaneously slack-jawed and unsurprised.  After 10+ years she continues to impress me with her understanding of the nuances and minutiae of the sports I love to watch.  I need to return the favor and figure out how to do a thoracentesis without turning ghastly gray and falling to the floor like a sack of turnips.   

Questions I had to answer this past week
 - "Do you let him drink out of empty soap bottles?"
 - "(Is it) so bad we need to buy a new carseat?"

XM Hits of the Month - These earworms wiggled their way into my head and hung out for a few days or even a few weeks in some cases.  And now, I pass them on to you.

• No Time by Lil Kim
• Malibu by Hole
• My Hood by Young Jeezy
• Even the Nights are Better by Air Supply
• Mystery Train by Elvis Presley
• Thuggish Ruggish Bone by Bone Thugs N Harmony
• You're All I've Got Tonight by The Cars
• The Boxer by Simon & Garfunkel
• Cake by the Ocean by DCNE
• Welcome to Atlanta by Jermaine Dupri
• Private Eyes by Hall & Oates

Hall of Fame notes - I intend to dedicate several sections over the next few weeks to Hall of Fame discussion in MLB, NBA, and NFL, but a quick little nugget to chew on this week with your buddies:  Should a HOF ballot be judged against history or judged against their generation? 

NFL Wild Card Weekend - The NFL season blew right by and here comes the playoffs.  Before you know it pitchers & catchers will be reporting and the Super Bowl will yesterday's news.  But we still have four weeks of playoff action and I'm gonna shake up my crystal ball and make some picks.  Kansas City wins with ease, Cincinnati starts their run to the AFC title game and the QB controversy that comes with it, Minnesota pulls off the biggest upset of the weekend, and Green Bay gets it right for one week before falling in the Divisional Round.  NOTE: Check out the latest poll question about QBs on the right.  

UFC rematches revisited - A few weeks ago I addressed the (un)likelihood of any of the three newly crowned champs facing immediate rematches and this week we got news from the UFC that Conor McGregor and Holly Holm would indeed be facing new opponents in their next fights. 

DraftKings winning lineup - I won $2 with the following lineup (and lost $0.75 on some other..... 

• PG Chris Paul
• SG J.J. Redick
• SF Maurice Harkless
• PF Zach Randolph
• C Deandre Jordan
• G Mario Chalmers
• F Al-Farouq Aminu
• Util Damian Lillard

I also missed out on another buck or two because of this bizarre lineup nonsense in Portland the other night.  I'm living proof that DraftKings can have you ballin' like a boss on the McDonald's McPick 2 menu. 

Random thoughts 

• Do you think David Carr bought his offensive linemen gifts the season he was sacked a record 76 times?
• Did you know that the re-released DVD version of Return of the Jedi features a blasphemous edit job?  In the final scene where the ghostly holograms of Obi-Won, Yoda, and Anakin are waving at Luke they removed the original British actor that played Vader (David Prowse) and inserted a hologram of Hayden Christensen.  

Parenting Storytime I - I picked H1 up from school on Tuesday and immediately recognized that distinctive smell.  Having left the diaper bag in the van and electing not to subject my son's undercarriage to sub-freezing temps I chose to let him ride dirty to the house and I'd change him there.  Upon latching him into his carseat my fate was sealed.  The 20-min car ride home concluded and I proceeded to unlock him.  His shirt had hiked up from the squirming and squishing he did from school to home and before his butt had even scooted completely out of his chair I saw a golf ball-sized deposit of poop being squeezed out of the top of his diaper like a baker's icing bag.  I quickly entered damage control mode and tried to keep him from the dreaded "transfer phase" of this experience.  I acknowledged that it was all over his carseat, but tabled that dilemma for a later time.  I had to get him inside pronto.  He followed me to H2's side and while I was unlocking her straps, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a flicker of something move.  I turned to rush inside and had to high-step the poop that was now in my driveway that I'd unknowingly seen fall from my son's backside.  I scooped him up, double carried the kids up the stairs, put H2 in her crib and began the 10-min cleanup process.  I lost count of wipes and seriously considered throwing H1 in the shower (I declined).  A few hours later, rocking fresh new gear and re-energized from naps we stepped outside just in time to see the neighbor's dog rush from his backyard, greet us, and proceed to eat the poop from our driveway.  Which reminded me "oh crap, I never cleaned the carseat".  Three Lysol wipes & a kitchen towel later and we weren't in need of a new carseat, phew.  

Parenting Storytime II - E and I have faced the challenges of a toddler with speech delay for over a year now and its been rewarding every time H1 puts another notch in his belt with "milk", "cow", "train" and more.  He's incredibly conversational and expresses himself in his own unique voice and language that is occasionally peppered with legitimate words.  We've had success in the last month with the emphasis his therapist put on polysyllabic commands and phrases like "more crackers" and "applesauce" and "upstairs".  While we've been hyperfocused on his progress we've ignored the usual (I presume) experience of watching your child just naturally pick up tons of phrases and structuring sentences on their own simply by mimicking or parroting.  I've grown conditioned to the process of working on syllables and constructing sounds into words.  So, we all sat down for storytime as a family the other night when H1 migrated off Mommy's lap into mine while she took H2 to her room to lie down.  E: "Nite, nite"  H1: "Nigh, nigh.  uv you".  E and I instantly locked eyes in that "did he....??" look.  She quickly knelt down and kissed him on his head and said "I love you, too".  She got off easy :) I had to warble through the reading of three more stories after that powerfully emotional moment of my child saying "I love you" for the first time.  By the third story ("Snowmen at Night"), H1 was looking at me like "why are you crying?".  He proceeded to console me with a pat on my shoulder and a big smile.  Thanks buddy, I love you too :)

Thanks for reading and supporting my efforts.  I've gotten some great feedback and encouraging acknowledgments in the last month and I truly appreciate the interest.  Have a great week!

December 18, 2015

This week: UFC rematches, Reality Talk, Parenting Storytime, and more..

"It wasn't a real fight" - Former featherweight champ Jose Aldo uttered that sour grapes sentiment (via translator) moments after he was on the receiving end of a record-setting KO (fastest in a title fight) at the hands of newly crowned champ Conor McGregor.  Three championship belts have changed hands in the past month (Ronda Rousey, Chris Weidman, and Jose Aldo) and each former champ faces the inevitable question that surfaces after a title fight loss "Do they deserve a rematch?". 

Rematches are tricky business.  UFC President Dana White regularly asserts the position of "we'll give the fans what they want to see".  But rematches tend to be a little more complex than just putting your finger to the wind of Twitter to see "what the fans want".  There are some basic questions White and matchmaker Joe Silva will ask in the coming weeks to determine whether a rematch is justified.  Let's use our recently dethroned champs as the litmus test for the Rematch Conundrum

• "Was it a close fight?" - Weidman got thoroughly dominated by Luke Rockhold and looked completely mangled after the fight.  Rousey certainly lost the first round to Holly Holm and was KO'd in the second.  Aldo lasted two punches and 13 seconds against McGregor.  Weidman: NO  Rousey: NO  Aldo: NO
• "Is there a clear #1 contender waiting their turn?" - Weidman's middleweight division is experiencing a downturn in talent and the undercard of Saturday's PPV featured a very uninspired bout between the #3 and #4 contenders Yoel Romero and Jacare Souza.  And there are no matchups of worthy contenders on the horizon.  The dearth of talent gives Weidman the edge.  Rousey spent the last 3 years laying siege to the Women's Bantamweight division and should have a leg up on the competition for #1 contender.  But new champ Holly Holm already expressed interest in fighting Miesha Tate instead of a Rousey rematch. However, releasing Rousey back into the division to fight her way back would be like letting a velociraptor loose on an emu farm.  It wouldn't be pretty or fair to anyone.  Aldo entered Saturday on an 18-fight winning streak, and similar to Rousey, had been manhandling the entire division since entering the UFC in 2011 with his WEC Featherweight Belt.  But #1 contender and former Lightweight champ Frankie Edgar just completed his sojourn through the division proving his worthiness as the next man in line for a shot at the title.  Weidman: NO  Rousey: NO  Aldo: YES
• "Will it bring a big audience?" - i.e., would the fans pay to see it?  I don't presume to have a finger on the pulse of MMA fans, so I'll stick to my own pulse.  Weidman got overpowered, outwrestled, and beat up but I think the lack of middleweight talent coupled with his unblemished record entering the fight and the presumption that maybe he just had an off night warrants a rematch.  Rousey looked sluggish, lethargic, slow, and other synonyms that mean out-of-shape.  And Holm played her like a fiddle strategically.  I doubt Ronda makes the same mistakes twice and it would be semi-dangerous to expose the rest of the division to her Road to Redemption.  Multiple fighters would get their arms broken.  Put Rousey and Holm in the cage again and let's see what happens.  Aldo's KO loss was such an outlier that I don't envy the UFC brass deliberating the rematch decision.  Its a 50-50 argument.  It wasn't a normal fight, but it was definitely a real fight, Aldo's sour grapes notwithstanding.  McGregor won fair and square and I think Aldo should start a few rungs down the ladder and climb his way back up.  A McGregor vs Edgar matchup would be a pretty easy sell and would certainly pull some strong numbers.  Weidman: YES  Rousey: YES  Aldo: NO

Since the start of 2010, belts have changed hands via force (i.e. a fight) 13 times, and in only three cases was a rematch granted (B.J. Penn, Frankie Edgar, Anderson Silva) and all three lost again in the rematch.  Those are long odds for each of the recently ousted champs, but each of them have unique, compelling cases for a rematch....except for Aldo, I think Aldo's screwed.

Reality Talk: TV Edition - Ever since MTV debuted The Real World in 1992 reality TV has been evolving to fill millions of hours of airtime.  The format of filming 20-somethings in a new city was just the beginning.  In the last 20+ years TV producers have established a spectrum of reality-based TV sub-genres to satiate the appetite of all sorts of fans.  Now, when I say I watch "reality TV" I'm not embarrassed since its more than just The Kardashians and Bad Girls Club.  Here are some of my faves (and maybe your faves, too)

• Survivor and The Amazing Race (both return in Feb, CBS) - Reality competition is a bonafide Emmy category and these two shows are really fun to watch because they constantly have my wife and I asking "would you do that?" and sparking spirited discussion about who would bungee jump off that rickety bridge in Thailand or how would you fare in this immunity challenge.  Jeff Probst and Phil Keoghan are fun hosts and these are just fun shows.  See also: SYTYCD, The Voice, Dancing With the Stars
• Top Chef (Thursday 10pm, Bravo) and Holiday Baking Championship (Sunday 9pm, Food Network) - Cooking competition shows are very popular and these two caught my eye in the last few years.  I've enjoyed seeing how much variety there is in the culinary world.  I eat pork chops and brownies, but these people cook salmon carpaccio and triple pastry cream croquembouche.  Its fascinating to watch and the judges are entertaining with their critiques.  I actually like that they take it so seriously; it SHOULD be that way.  See also: Chopped, The Great Food Truck Race, Iron Chef America
• The Profit (Tuesday 10pm, CNBC) and Shark Tank (Friday 10pm, ABC) - Reality investment shows are popping up everywhere with the success of Shark Tank.  The Profit is, by far, my favorite.  After three seasons of that show I'm only 4 credits short of my MBA.  I could easily run a Fortune 500 company.....into the ground.  Marcus Lemonis is likable, genuine, fair, savvy, smart, and innovative.  He makes me want to have a failing business just so he can come save it.  Shark Tank has slowly evolved from fringe Friday night filler TV to credible, legitimate American institution.  Its not a punchline anymore rather an exercise in the spirit of American entrepreneurship and ingenuity finding a way to succeed.  Aside: If you watch the episode where Nick Woodman guest-Sharks, keep count of every time he says "You know, when I started GoPro...".  That phrase floated around our house quite a bit after that episode anytime we wanted to humblebrag: [got the boy to sleep on the first try] "You know, when I started GoPro..".  See also: Restaurant Startup, Blue Collar Millionaire, All-American Makers
• Nightwatch (Thursday, A&E 10pm) - Reality crime dramas have been around longer than The Real World and this Dick Wolf-produced docudrama follows the EMT, Fire & Rescue and Police Officers of New Orleans as they work the night shift in a city renowned for lively, raucous crowds.  It pushes the envelope of that age-old disclaimer "Viewer Discretion is Advised", so watch at your own risk.  The characters are very likable and engaging and its inspiring to see such unsung heroes in action.  See also: COPS, Jail, The First 48
• House Hunters (every other hour on HGTV) - Truthfully I don't watch House Hunters much anymore, but it gave rise to dozens of imitators like Buying Alaska, Buying the Rockies, Lakefront Bargain Hunt which I watch semi-regularly.  Shows like these allow you to experience the excitement of house shopping without the added pressure of signing paperwork at the end of the episode.  

Other shows worth a look: Treehouse Masters, Tanked, Redwood Kings, Fixer Upper, Property Brothers, Income Property, Pawn Stars

FAKE!!! Watch with a scrutinizing eye: Mystery Diners, Bar Rescue, South Beach Tow, Operation Repo, Hardcore Pawn

Things we learned this week:

• Russell Westbrook hit this insane buzzer beater
• My Mom shared this Uptown Funk fused with Ginger Rogers-era dance numbers.  It was awesome
• This Dad watching Star Wars with his son for the first time was really sweet
• #adeletickets had me crying laughing with all of the shared experiences of coping with loss and disappointment.  

Parenting Storytime - Henry had the sniffles this week bad enough to warrant staying home from school.  He spent his week slaloming from energized and active to lethargic and cranky.  One of his crankier periods was spent sitting on the couch slowly eating his new favorite snack, Ritz Crackers with Nutella.  I spread a thin layer of that hazelnut chocolaty goodness between two Honey Wheat Ritz and he takes approximately 13 bites to eat it.  We were sitting side-by-side on our loveseat and he's working on bite #7 and I hear a sneeze.  All of bite #7's and most of bite #6's contents now look like Martian kitty litter sprayed all over his left arm.  Henry noticed the tablespoon of green blobulous snot hanging precariously from his nose one second before I did and wiped his left arm across his face making a guacomole kitty litter chutney that had me scrambling to find the nearest towel to spare my leather couch from a disgustingly sticky future.  Couch: Saved.  Towel: Steam-cleaned

December 11, 2015

This week: Braves trade, Driving pet peeves, Parenting Storytime and more...

Shelby Miller headed to the desert - Parting ways with Shelby Miller became an inevitable truth this offseason and the Braves made it clear that the return on that trade had to blow them away.  And according to multiple media types, the Braves' haul was tremendous.  An immediate starter in CF (Ender Inciarte), a darkhorse rotation candidate (Aaron Blair), and the homegrown boy-made-good from Marietta (Dansby Swanson).  Swanson is the biggest chip of this package; his potential career arc is tantalizing.  He'd be way ahead of schedule if he becomes the 2017 Opening Day starter at SS, but that's probably exactly what the Braves hopes he becomes.  More likely, he makes his debut as a September call-up in 2017 and secures the starting spot in 2018 Spring Training.  Aside: the quiet signing of C Tyler Flowers puts former phenom Christian Bethancourt on notice.  He'll get flipped for a reserve OF or mid-level pitching prospect in the coming weeks. (UPDATE: I meant to say "young reliever and minor league catcher").  Aside #2:  Freddie Freeman might very well get moved this winter, too.  The Cardinals, Pirates, and Astros seem like strong possibilities with weak first base options.

Some real talk: Driving Edition - I'm a reformed speeder and aggressive driver (38 traffic stops, 16 speeding tickets, but only one stop in the last 10 years and that was for rolling through a right turn on a stop sign in my Yaris and I got a warning).  I'm not proud of my history, but I feel it gives me some credence when I assess other drivers and their poor habits and dangerous behavior.  

• The Parking Lot Speeder - aka The Neighborhood Speeder.  25 mph is alot faster when a mother of three with a wild 8 year old comes darting out of a grocery store/driveway.  Pedestrian traffic is an absolute truth in a parking lot/n'hood and 10 mph seems slow, but that's the idea.  Slow down, parking lot speeder.
• The Left Lane Lagger - In 2014, GA enacted the "Slow Poke Law" to prevent drivers from hanging out in the left lane.  Those laggers think they're doing some social service by keeping everyone in line by "enforcing" the speeding laws, but ultimately they put everyone at risk by the sudden slowdowns and the eventual right lane workarounds required by faster traffic to navigate around them.  Move over, slow pokes.
• The Aggressive Tailgater - The archenemy of The Left Lane Lagger.  This was me.  I tried teaching the slow pokes the lesson they deserved by hanging onto their bumper and forcing them over.  I had a pretty sobering moment about 10 years ago that changed my ways.  I wised up, did some soul-searching and realized that I didn't want to forfeit my freedoms and liberties just for that brief satisfaction of driving 90 mph past some old man.  Back off, tailgater. 
• The Lane Darter - They coast past dozens of cars honorably waiting their turn to get through an intersection and dart into a gap.  They would never do this in any other circumstance.  No one would just dart in the concession line at the movie theater simply because the old lady on her cane moved a little slower than most.  Wait your turn, lane darter. 
• The Bob & Weaver - A cousin of The Aggressive Tailgater, this guy bobs & weaves his way through morning rush hour causing sudden slowdowns or stops just so he can maneuver forward 4 car lengths.  Congestion plagues us all, but they're making it worse by stressing everyone out with their sudden and unpredictable behavior.  Take it easy, Bob Weaver.
• The Turn Lane Hanger - You've seen 'em, they lollygag into the center turn lane at 20% speed and take a terrible angle and then get stuck hanging out of the turn lane diagonally.  Their bumper causes an obstacle that must be navigated by everyone coming up behind them.  Its a simple lane change and this person treats it like they're docking a cruise ship blindfolded.  Get it together, Lane Hanger.
• The Emergency Lane Cruiser - This guy takes selfish, anxious, entitled, and brazen and pieces them together to make a Voltron-sized schmuck that cruises in the emergency lane, sometimes popping back into regular traffic to increase the level of difficulty.  Read this story to really bum you out and realize how quickly your life can change by doing this.  
• The Headlight Ignoramus - "Headlights are just as important for them to see you as it is for you to see them." - Dennis Mullen  My Dad dropped that little life lesson on me when he was teaching me about driving at dawn and dusk and I think of it every day when I'm driving Emily to work at 7:30am.  Early morning, foggy dew-covered windows & mirrors, glare of the sun on the horizon its easy to miss speeding on-comers in the neighborhood.  But if they have their lights on, they stand out pretty brightly.  Boats and sea vessels use running lights for exactly this reason.  Brighten up, Headlight Ignoramus.
• Dishonorable mentions: The Emergency Vehicle Disrespecter, The Red Light Runner, The Texter

Its easy to lob tomatoes at these other drivers, but what if you are one of these drivers?  I'm not casting any stones, but next time you're out and about stop and think about your driving habits.  

Random Thoughts

• I identify more with Hudson Hornet and less with Lightning McQueen.  
• I prefer the Christmas classics of the Andy Williams, Bing Crosby, Burl Ives era.  And Harry Connick's When My Heart Finds Christmas.  
• The CFP got it right.  The semifinal matchups are gonna be fun to watch.  New Year's Six, baby!!
• UFC 194 will not disappoint this Saturday.  McGregor & Weidman will prevail in dramatic fashion.  PPV $$ well spent.

Parenting Story of the Week - Henry has been seeing a speech therapist for almost a year and last Monday she started emphasizing his "y" sounds like "yea, yah, yes" etc.  I earned my latest nickname that day, "Daddy-yah" which I heard 7,138 times that afternoon.  Fast forward a week.  The Daddy-yah Counter had eclipsed six digits and exploded into a million pieces.  I'm posted up at a stoplight steady bumpin' my funky fresh new jam Fetty Wap's "Trap Queen" and spittin' rhymes like a boss, gangsta-leanin' like a pimp when my hand dropped at noon on the steering wheel and I sadly remembered I'm driving a minivan.  Ignoring this harsh reality I still rap along....Adam: "I just left the mall, I'm getting fly with my baby, YEAH!....I be in the kitchen cookin pies with my baby, (Henry: "YEAAHH!!")".  My Father of the Year ceremony is later this month.  You're all invited.