June 18, 2016

This week: Dads: The Comprehensive Study, Random Thoughts, XM Hits of the Month: Triple Edition, and more

Dads Rock - This one goes out to all the Dads out there, young and old, past and present; the ones still in the trenches of diapers and bottle washing, the ones swimming upstream in Potty Training River, the ones who get eyeroll "I love yous" at dinnertime, and the ones welcoming another driver to the insurance.  Also, a big shoutout to the retired Dads who are basking in the glow of a job well done and watching their kids graduate med school or buy their first home and start their own little family; the ones who soften their tough-as-nails, not-in-my-house exterior for the cutest grandkids they've ever held and the ones who dance with 6 year old flower girls standing on their feet.  A tip of the cap and gentle head nod to the Dads who aren't here to enjoy their efforts of 80-hour work weeks and short naps on the couch between extra jobs.  The ones who took their one weekend off a month to enrich the lives of dozens of kids through Boy Scouts and basketball camp and band competitions and orchestra concerts.  The ones who chaperoned 2nd-grade field trips to petting zoos and 7th-grade orchestra trips to Panama City.  The ones who never got to see their grandkids just one last time or answer all those questions that come from adult children seeking guidance or reassurance.  We give a moment of pause to say thanks to all Dads past, present, and future for a job well done and a prayer of patience for the jobs yet to come.  

Because being a Dad never stops, your responsibilities just change.  You read bedtime stories and wash gum out of hair.  You build bikes and scooters and dressers and dollhouses.  You buy old cars and teach new drivers.  You pack up Uhaul trucks and pat new adults on the back and send them off to a world you aren't 100% sure they're prepared for.  You walk down aisles and sit confidently in the front pew knowing your special little person is ready to share their life with another.  And sometimes you have to say goodbye a little sooner than you planned....forever.  

Parenthood is a fickle beast like that.  You're thrust into a responsibility greater than you've ever imagined and once your head stops spinning you get your bearings and realize that "I've got this"; until you realize you don't, you're just holding on till the tides of change pull you in a different direction.  You do the best you can every day because those little people are counting on you and you owe them at least your best effort every day.  You find patience you never knew you had; you find silly voices you've never heard before; you discover you make the perfect cheeseburger for your very own perfect little guy.  You eventually find your footing and realize its not so hard after all.  You acquire traits and skills that makes things come a little easier every day.  You rely on your partner for guidance and support.  And you realize that being a Dad is pretty awesome.

For all my Dads out there, I want to say good job and Happy Father's Day.  You inspire me to do better and be better.  You teach me new ways to do old tricks.  You support me through tough times and laugh with me at crazy times.  Its truly a blessing to be a Dad and we have a great responsibility on our shoulders.  I encourage you to offer each other support and know you'll need a pat on the back or words of encouragement someday, too.  A sincere and heartfelt Happy Father's Day to all of you Dads.  To everyone else, hug a Dad this week.  He'll likely need it and not ever know/admit that he did :)

Trivia Questions - I'm scrapping the invisible ink method this time.  The answers can be found just after the Parenting Quote.  Scroll with care :)

1. Movies - What was the name of Napoleon Dynamite's llama?
2. Sports - By what legendary nickname were Elmer Layden, Jim Crowley, Don Miller, and Harry Studleherer known?
3. Television - What make and model of car was blown up when Sonny Crockett was undercover on Miami Vice?
4. Music - Through 1972, who was the lead singer of the Motown group The Miracles?
5. Geography - What island group is a continuation of the Andes Mountain range?

Random Thoughts

• Now that I've got two kids and feel like an old pro (he said laughingly), if I had twins on the next go-round the old, trusty uterus I'd name them "Been There" and "Done That"
• And if you think those are crazy, let me tell you some of the wilder names E1 stumbled across this week from some OB friends:
• The Mann Twins - Donwanna & Doneeda
• Twin boys named Malea & Maleb since "Male A" and "Male B" were written by the nurses on their anklets
• Copatra since her Dad didn't know how to spell Cleopatra
• Sssst pronounced Forest
• Jkmno pronounced Noel since there's no L
• Sha' pronounced "Shuh-comma" since they didn't know the difference between a comma and an apostrophe
• La'Dynasty which without the apostrophe looks like Lady Nasty

XM Hits of the Month: Triple Edition

• Superman's Dead by Our Lady of Peace
• The Symphony by Marley Marl
• The Rose by Bette Midler (made extra famous by my man Napoleon Dynamite)
• Budapest by George Ezra
• Break Ya Neck by Busta Rhymes
• Black Betty by Ram Jam
• Sexy Can I by Ray J (never thought Ray J would make the cut, but this jam makes me move my groove)
• Stars by Hum (vintage c/o '97 era)
• Faded by Soul Decision (the most forgotten boy-ish band in history followed closely by Len)
• First to Cry by Bob Moses
• Big Bad John by Jimmy Dean
• Fu-Gee-La by The Fugees
• Shake Rattle and Roll by Bill Haley and His Comets
• Air Force Ones by Nelly

Parenting Quote of the Month - "I left my lighter in the stroller." - overheard at a local amusement park.  I later saw the couple seated in the designated smoking area with their 8-month old on the Mom's lap as both parents puffed away.

Trivia Answers

1. Movies - Napoleon's llama was named Tina
2. Sports - Layden, Miller, Crowley, and Studleherer were Knute Rockne's senior backfield in 1924 and were nicknamed The Four Horsemen
3. Television - Sonny's cherished Ferrari Daytona Spyder gets blown up by a rocket launcher (if memory serves correctly)
4. Music - Smokey Robinson was the lead singer of The Miracles until 1972
5. Geography - The Falkland Islands are an extension of The Andes off the southern tip of South America 

May 9, 2016

This week: VEGAS, BABY!!!!

A city so fun its written with CAPS LOCK on - I had the great pleasure to take a husband-wife only trip to Las Vegas (VEGAS!!!) a few weeks ago and it was amazingly awesome super-duper fun.  It was our first time away from either of the kids as a couple, overnight.  It was a pretty big deal and we cashed in all our chips and were gone for 6 nights.  Go big or go home....or in this case, Go big AND then go home to two crying children who were overwhelmed to finally see us again.  Maritally, it was the best decision we could've made.  We laughed more in the first 24 hours than we'd laughed in the previous three months.  I highly recommend some time away with your spouse; it can really remind you why you got together in the first place.  

Alright, enough sappy stuff.  Allow me to share my Vegas notes and then I'll finish strong with easily the biggest highlight of our trip which ended with me on a Vegas stage.....yep.

• Vegas at 7am is WAAAAY nicer than Vegas at 2pm.  We're early birds and the time change didn't help as we woke at 2:30am local and were wide awake.  Eventually we sauntered out to stroll The Strip at dawn and, boy howdy, lemme tell ya the Vegas Strip at 7am is so much more pleasant than the 2pm Strip and certainly safer than the 9pm Strip.  We moseyed down from The Mirage to Mandalay Bay and crossed paths with all the go-get 'em joggers and the assorted elderly couples wandering over to Denny's.  By the end of our week, WE became the elderly couple wandering over to Denny's because who doesn't love a Lumberjack Slam.  
• Not every buffet is created equal.  Our first night we joined some friends and colleagues for dinner at The Wynn buffet which came highly praised on all the Yelps and Trip Advisors and it was fantastic.  They had fancypants, gourmet bacon unlike any bacon I've ever eaten and I chowed down on that hog.  Those hyenas at the crab legs station didn't know what they were missing.  However, The Mirage buffet was the poor man's Golden Corral, or perhaps a going-out-of-business Ryan's.  "Everything must go!!!!....including these 3-year old mystery meat packages".  Total bummer.
• Even the grumpiest Dwarf would be happy in Vegas.  Slots, gaming, sportsbooks, shows, restaurants, and shops are the headliners but there are art galleries, animal exhibits, spas, and about 1000 other things to do in Vegas that make it damn near impossible to have a bad time....unless you're just a natural sourpuss with a cynical twist on humanity.....you know who I'm talking about. ;)
• The Bellagio Fountains are worth the airfare.  The show only lasts 5-7 mins but the majesty of the fountains dancing and spraying in a beautiful choreography is worth the trip.  Its so peacefully mesmerizing that it can be just the thing to slow your brain down in such a frenetic place.  I'm thinking of having one installed at our next house.  

And now, the big finale.  We mapped out our week months in advance and tried to find things that were "only in Vegas" type stuff.  We tried a ventriloquist comedian named Terry Fator who gained fame as winner of America's Got Talent.  I knew this only because he mentioned it approximately 6 times in his 90 minute show.  He was a bit of a letdown and a tad too wholesome for our adult interests.  Our desire to be a bit risque was satisfied at Absinthe, a Vaudeville-inspired variety show with a dash of burlesque and a heavy dose of irreverence.  Hosted by a delightfully foul-mouthed character known as The Gazillionaire and his eccentric assistant Joy, Absinthe is a throwback to early '20s circus acts strung together with zany potshots at audience members and wildly inappropriate comments from the co-hosts.  The show takes place in-the-round as its under the big top (or at least a fake Vegas big top).  And as soon as we were seated and I was on the aisle of the fourth row, I knew I was a potential target.  I mentally prepared to take my medicine as The Gazillionaire pulled no punches mocking various groups and individuals throughout the night.  Sixty minutes into the show, it happens.  

G: "Alright, this next act is gonna take a minute to get things set up, so let's make the most of it......you, Dorky White Guy come up here."  

A: (giant sigh; internal pep talk "ok, just embrace it and take your lumps.  You make a good rube" as I stand and walk towards the stage)  

G: "Damn, you look like an Amish tax collector.  Could you be more white and dorky?  Come with me, get on up here"

A: (I smile, laugh and follow his lead up to the stage and attempt to find my mark and figure out which way to face.  I, of course, guess wrong and face out to the audience as he tries to direct me.)

G: "Jesus, turn this way.....stop being weird."

He proceeds to call Handsome Black Guy up to the stage, but quickly determines that under the stage lights he's not actually black (he was handsome, just not black).  He shoos him away and chides him for being fake black and dating Super Hot Black Chick.  He finds Real Black Guy wearing a Yankees cap and Knicks jersey and calls him up onstage with me.  Then he grabs Nervous Asian Lady from the front row and brings her up and asks her to sit down on a folding chair.  NAL doesn't speak English and these instructions are lost on her.  

G: "Sit down....here....sit.....on the chair.....sit down...here on the chair.  Jesus, just sit down."

Joy: "Don't worry, we won't ask you to do their nails."

G: "No, we wouldn't do that.  You've been doing nails all day, that wouldn't be nice to ask you to do that"

G explains that we're about to engage in a racially-unifying lapdance competition and I'll be squaring off against RBG.  

G: (to RBG) "Now, he'll go first (points at me) then you'll go next and win."

G: (to me) "We'll play something you're familiar with like, I don't know, Dave Matthews or some shit and you'll do your best but then he'll go (points to RBG) and he'll win.  Alright, let's get this over with.  Dorky White Guy, you're up"

A: (the moment I heard "lapdance competition" my brain immediately focused on winning which, as many of you know, is easily in my wheelhouse.  Mind you, I'm wearing classic WASP-y clothes.  Dress slacks, plaid button-down dress shirt, brown church-goin' shoes.  I definitely look the part of Dorky White Guy/Amish Tax Collector.  They thankfully ditched the Dave Matthews and played some Ginuwine instead and I dropped my hips on NAL's chest vicinity and got to grindin' and the place exploded.  I worked her like I was Magic Mike's warm-up act.  I rodeo-whipped my hips around her legs and twerked my way to 15-min celebrity status.  E1 recounted to me later that everyone in her area was going bananas on her and she gave a shrugged shoulder smile of "I knew he was gonna win".)

G: (jumps back onstage and deadpans) "......well.....that was unexpected."

RBG went next and quickly became Sheepishly Awkward Black Guy and threw in the towel after a few seconds.  I was crowned champion and got free drinks for my lady.....E1 not NAL :)

The show ended after the next act and upon exiting I was patted on the back and congratulated by dozens of strangers and one very amorous bachelorette party.  We walked The Strip for the next hour or so and regularly heard not-so-quiet whispers of "that's the lapdance guy".  Not a bad night.  

April 16, 2016

This week: MLB quick hits, Reality TV Roundup, Parenting Story, and more...

March Madness, personal vacation, family visits, birthday parties, MLB Opening Day (read: Week), aggravating my cousin on Facebook :), and all the joys of parenting.  These were among the many things that kept me away from the keyboard these past few weeks.  It was nice to hear from folks who missed my posts; that was a pleasant surprise.  I truly appreciate the feedback and the interest.  

Trivia for my fans - Waaaay back in the day I used to be a trivia host and question writer for a restaurant promotions company in Atlanta.  It was a ton of fun and I met lots of nice folks along the way (including a really fun family that I'm still friends with to this day).  I'm throwing some trivia into my blog because it just seems fitting.  This is exclusively for your own enjoyment; the answers are at the bottom of the page but you'll need your secret decoder ring to read them :)

1. The 80s - Two instrumentals made it to #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart in the 1980s.  Name them.
2. People - What TV personality appeared on a 1997 cover of Time with the headline "Yep, I'm Gay"?
3. Movies - What legendary actor's final big-screen performance was as the voice of Wylie Burp in An American Tail: Fievel Goes West?
4. World - The affluent beach district of Ipanema is located in what city?
5. Sports - Who is the active rushing yards leader in the NFL? (scroll down for a hint)

MLB not-so-Preview - I'm a little late on my entry into the predictions and prognostications portion of Spring Training, so I'll instead provide some quick hits and random thoughts about the first week or so of the season and the outlook for the marathon to October.

• The Braves are awful - I try to be realistically optimistic when sports seasons begin and I knew this team was going to have some growing pains, struggles, and head-hanging moments, but I didn't realize it would be so hard to win just one game.  They're currently 1-9 (a sneaky late-inning win on Friday night against the Marlins ended their futility) and the outlook isn't pretty.  I predict they finish April with 2 wins, maybe 3 but not more than that.  They're terrible.
• Youth infusion - Every season seems to introduce new and exciting talent at nearly every position and as a proud MLB.tv subscriber I get to tune in and watch guys like Carlos Correa, Francisco Lindor, Miguel Sano, Corey Seager, Trevor Story, Kevin Pillar, Kevin Kiermaier, and many others ply their trades.  Guys like Mike Trout, Bryce Harper, Matt Harvey, Jose Altuve, and Manny Machado are already carrying the torch and making the game competitive and fun to watch.  
• Braves need a youth explosion - Seeing the youth insurgence is a bit bittersweet as a Braves fan, especially this season.  They've stockpiled their organization with a glut of young, elite prospects but their major league roster is a patchwork quilt of retreads (sorry, Frenchy & Bud Norris), past-their-prime vets (sorry, Gordon Beckham & Kelly Johnson), and young arms.  CF Mallex Smith made his debut this week and left the game looking like this. Seems like a fitting punctuation on the kind of season they'll have; constantly getting hit in the face.  I just hope that the next 24 months in Braves Country sees at least 2 of their minor league stars-in-waiting burst on the scene and move this team into contention.  
• Division races abound - I'll address the season as it goes along, but my early predictions are tight division races in the AL East, AL Central (the Royals will come back to Earth a little bit), NL Central (sorry, Reds, not you; you can carpool with the Braves to the support group meetings).  Divisional series will be must-see TV every night.  ASIDE: Wednesday night this week was the perfect scenario for my baseball passion.  E1 was finishing up The Magicians and I had 10 games on (2 four-game mosaics on my computers, a game on my phone, and a game on my extra TV).  It was amazing.  
• Wild Card Playoff Game - I have a lukewarm crusade to eliminate the one-game Wild Card Playoff from baseball.  Both leagues need to host a three-game series with a back-to-back doubleheader starting at 12pm on Monday at the home ballpark of the team with the better record.  A Super Bowl halftime-like atmosphere between games (they can get Journey, Metallica, or John Cougar Mellencamp to perform on the outfield grass) and then back on the field for Game 2.  Managers would have to manage their bullpens accordingly.  And if they split the doubleheader they jump on their awaiting chartered flights to the other city for a deciding Game 3 the following night.  I think that would be one helluva day of baseball.  If you have Rob Manfred's personal cell number, can you do me a solid? 

Sports trivia question hint #1 - Here's your first chance to use your secret decoder ring (aka, simple cursor trick...aka, copy but no paste). His first and last name are both monosyllabic.   You missed it, its back there.

The Internet Ruined My Life - Not MY life, its the name of a new show that me and E1 are watching on SyFy and its sobering.  It's a mismatch for SyFy, it should be on A&E or truTV, but its totally worth checking out.  Shot in a first-person confessional style, each episode chronicles two people's experience of having their lives upended by a simple tweet or Facebook post or Instagram pic.  Each story is different but the humanizing element of internet hounding is what drives the show's appeal.  Don't jump to a short-sighted, "people just need to get over it" or "it can't be that bad" conclusion too quickly without watching the show.  Granted, some of the victims were a bit too cavalier or heady with their fingers on the keyboard, but none of the subjects deserved the treatments they received.  Another show in this same vain is I Survived which I think is still hanging around in the archives of Hulu.

60 Days In - Another show that's caught my eye recently is a reality show on A&E (exactly where it belongs unlike The Internet Ruined My Life) called 60 Days In.  The Clark County (IN) Jail came under a new sheriff last year and in an effort to help learn more about the workings of his jail and, more importantly, to correct criminal behavior and corruption from his staff he created a groundbreaking program.  Seven citizens were selected from a candidate pool to be booked into jail and serve 60 days as a real inmate.  Only two people in the jail system know their real identities and each of the citizens were given backstories (i.e., outstanding warrants, embezzlement charges, forging checks, etc) and then processed into jail.  Its intense for a sheltered noob like me.  I made the mistake of watching the first two episodes right before bed; I couldn't sleep because I thought E1 was gonna steal my commissary.   

Sports Trivia Question Hint #2 - He's a former Hurricane.   This one's a dead giveaway.

Parenting Story - H2 is beginning her journey into the wonderful world of walking.  She's so close to getting one foot in front of the other without assistance and in an effort to help her along we're using one of those push-walkers from Fisher Price.  We went to the Land of the Walkers (aka, the mall) to take a few laps with her.  I was spotting her from behind, diaper bag slung over my shoulder and patiently escorting my daughter through each step (read: snail's pace).  It's a cherished memory I have from H1's learning steps and I enjoy being a part of that process with my daughter.  My kids are people persons and love smiling and giggling at strangers and making even the toughest souls grin, so its not uncommon to hear "oh my, she's so cute" or "you've got your hands full".  I have a small bank of ready-made responses like "yeah, she's a charmer" or "she definitely keeps me on my toes".  Its the normal single-serving exchanges that happen almost every day.  So, when I'm walking behind my daughter and watching all the foot traffic navigate around her I was completely unprepared and caught off-guard when a perfectly normal-looking woman walked right up to me with a smile on her face and said "your life is over, I can see it on your face".  I instinctively gave her one of the autopilot responses that seemed incredibly ill-fitting considering her out-of-the-blue declaration.  She could've walked up to me and said "Mondale was robbed" or "Frosted Flakes taste like sawdust" and I would've been just as unprepared for my comeback.  I can't seem to settle on a good explanation for her comments, but I trend towards "trying to be funny with the stereotypical nonsense about daughters stressing their dads out".  It just came off horribly and has hung around my frontal lobe all week.  

Trivia answers - A simple cursor trick = secret decoder ring.  Ask me privately if you're having trouble.

1. The 80s - Both the Miami Vice theme song (1985) and the iconic music from Chariots of Fire (1981) reached #1 for one week each.  FYI Axel F from Beverly Hills Cop peaked at #3 in 1985.
2. People - Ellen DeGeneres
3. Movies - Jimmy Stewart
4. World - Rio de Janeiro
5. Sports - Frank Gore

March 13, 2016

This week: UFC 196 recap, Reality TV tidbits, New Showtime series, and more...

DISCLAIMER: This week's edition features a section that isn't intended for all audiences.  I'm dead serious.  Some of you may shrug your shoulders and mock me for the warning, but others may appreciate the heads-up

Half an egg on my face - I felt like the perfect rube in the closing seconds of the Conor McGregor-Nate Diaz fight last weekend.  I fell hook, line, and sinker for all the showmanship and bluster that McGregor spewed in the fight hype that I completely overlooked all the obvious holes in his game that Diaz exposed masterfully.  It was a decent fight with an unexpected outcome, but it was one of those unique fight experiences where as the fight develops it becomes perfectly clear that the "underdog" is no underdog after all.  Diaz picked McGregor apart with superior jabs from his long range and eventually broke the Irishman's spirit to take any more punishment, forcing him into a desperation takedown attempt with limited ground skills and zero stamina to put up a fight.  I felt like Tommy Gunn's manager at the end of Rocky V when the fight momentum turned in favor of Diaz.  "You're losing everything!!!"  Alas, that's an overstatement.  McGregor still retains the Featherweight belt and his next opponent will certainly come from that division, likely at UFC 200 in July.  Stay tuned.  

The other egg half - McGregor's shortcomings aside, I did come out on the winning end of one of my predictions when Miesha Tate defeated Holly Holm for the Bantamweight title.  It was a bit of a seesaw battle with each fighter winning a round in the opening two frames.  But then Tate failed to capitalize on the fight momentum and entered the final round facing a "Finish her!!!" scenario and, boy howdy, did she.  If the UFC was sponsored by Sesame Street the closing credits would have noted that "today's fight card was brought to you by Ground Control, without it you'll end up purple-faced and blacked out".  Holm and McGregor both learned this lesson the hard way.  Tate secured an unrelenting hold on Holm in the 5th and never let go looking at one point like she might choke her out standing up.  It went to the mat and within seconds the lights went out on Holly Holm's reign atop the division.  

Any good cook knows what to do with cracked eggs - The UFC's master plan for McGregor went out the window (or, if you're an undying optimist, was temporarily postponed).  He's still a magnetic personality and young enough to develop a world-class ground game, but he'll cool his jets for the rest of this year and likely defend his title twice by December.  As for the Women's Bantamweight division, the Tate upset likely adds one extra wrinkle to the eventual Holm-Rousey II that everyone presumed prior to the Holm loss.  Provided Ronda Rousey is still looking for a fight and not looking to settle down and make babies, then I predict it goes like this:  Tate-Rousey III for the belt (possibly at UFC 200), Holm versus rising star Amanda Nunes for top contender status.  Winners face off for the belt in December.  Its a classic semifinal format.
  
Reality TV tidbits - I'm a fan of gritty docu-series, competition challenges, and home improvement chronicles.  Here are some quick thoughts about an assortment of Reality TV I've seen in the last few weeks:

• The Bachelor - The finale airs tomorrow (Monday, March 14) and Ben has 'lot of 'splainin to do after telling two women he loved them.  I don't care how you slice it, that's a bad move and the Squirm Meter is gonna be on 10 from the opening credits.  The Women Tell All Special was an uncomfortable walk down memory lane last week.  Overall, I must agree with Chris Harrison that Ben really is an admirable, swell, honorable guy and I could definitely see us hanging out.  I'd probably give him my number if I saw him out at my normal stomping grounds: Children's Museum, Sam's Club, every playground in a 15 mile radius.  Even Minnesota Twin pitcher Phil Hughes likes Bachelor Ben.
• Top Chef - The finale airs Thursday, March 17 and I like both contenders, but will definitely be pulling for Amar.  He is a great chef who's already won a shot at redemption by claiming the Last Chance Kitchen prize.  Worth noting, Amar was one of back-to-back chefs that got eliminated on frozen waffles and toast; he managed to recover from the soggy toast elimination and he'll hopefully claim the Grand Prize.
• Survivor & The Amazing Race - Unfortunately both of my faves got cut short due to some scheduling issues on CBS and poor recovery from my DVR.  I'll take this opportunity to inform you that CBS has finally joined the streaming services community with their own All-Access feature.  It works just like the other proven models of Netflix and Hulu.  Free 7-day trial gives way to a $5.99 monthly subscription.  Available on multiple platforms.
• H2 no longer exists - It was always an honorable mention/afterthought in my channel surfing, but H2 is gone and has been rebooted as Viceland.  If you're a fan of Vice, HBO's hit news magazine show (think gritty 60 Minutes), then Viceland is for you.  I started dabbling with some of their original programming this week and found Vice Essentials and Noisey to be my early faves.  Shows like that are always good for informing on topics you never would seek out on your own.  Case in point, I had no clue how bad things had gotten in Trinidad & Tobago and why.  But now I'm an expert and will be hosting a panel at the next neighborhood bake sale/fun run/yard sale.

Things I never imagined saying before I had children and now seem perfectly normal

• "its bedtime, we're not eating butt paste."

Redbox reviews - Had the good fortune of watching three movies this week with my lovely wife.  

1. The Martian - She read the book and saw it in theaters, but this my first time.  It was engaging, easy to follow, and surprisingly believable in a near-future kinda way.  I liked it and think you should check it out.
2. Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation - I love the whole Mission Impossible franchise.  Tom Cruise is a certifiable whack-a-doodle but he makes fun action movies.  This one follows all the usual recipes from the previous installments and has two major action sequences that don't disappoint and a handful of quality fight scenes.  My Dad was always a sucker for action drivel and I feel I'm entering that stage of Dad-hood.  I don't wanna think too hard sometimes, just blow stuff up, beat up the bad guy, and get back the (insert irreplaceable/invaluable/top-secret heirloom here).  Aside from running about 30 mins too long, this movie hit all the right notes.  
3. The Intern - The kind of movie Redbox was perfectly designed for.  $2 for a cute, warmly satisfying, wholesome movie.  I would never spend movie ticket $$$ on this type of movie, but $2?  Yep.  Its relatively simple with one fun little reveal that I didn't see coming and one cliched storytelling device that I did see coming.  But, overall, its a sweet little movie that everyone with half a soul and a lukewarm heart would enjoy.  Some of you need not apply....you know who you are. 

DISCLAIMER: The final section may not be intended for certain audiences.  The subject matter may be discomforting or offensive.  Please read at your own discretion.

Let's get heavy for a minute - I generally prefer to keep my content light, easy, breezy, and anti-inflammatory....like Ginger Ale or jock itch spray.  But I will occasionally delve into slightly weightier fare when the time is right.  Showtime launched a docu-series earlier this year called Dark Net that addresses various topics related to the seedier side of the internet of which I was mostly ignorant.  I'd read the news stories about the Silk Road and had a limited understanding of the reaches of the nefarious types that surf around those outer reaches of the internet, but this show does an excellent job showcasing topics from the dark web that I never knew existed.  Long distance BDSM couples where the guy is the submissive and wears a genital cage for a vast majority of his week.  The woman who sees the value in RFID bio-chipping for humans and has one "installed".  The content moderators who suffer from PTSD after 6 months on the job.  But the most well-crafted, eye-opening, gut-wrenching, heart-sinking episode was, by far, the story on child pornography.  It was done responsibly, devoid of any sensationalism, and was exactly the gut punch you'd expect.  It was unsettling for sure, but it can't all be Fixer Upper and House Hunter reruns.  I feel a responsibility to turn a sensitive, informed eye to these topics to better understand the human condition and the human psyche.  Its not a show for everyone, but maybe you'll find something that speaks to you.  

March 4, 2016

This week: UFC 196 predictions, XM Hits of the Month, Survivor, and more...

Its pretty easy being green - The pride of Ireland Conor McGregor has spent the past 10 days on turbo mode hyping up and promoting a fight against replacement stiff Nate Diaz.  The trash talk between these two, while mostly forgettable jibber jabber, has been unrelenting since both of them recognize the value of a good sales job of a PPV that was in a kamikaze dive towards that fake Eiffel Tower in Las Vegas.  Their quickly established blood feud is the essence of the fight promotion industry; create a rivalry, sell it convincingly and the eyeballs will pop up on Saturday night.  The fight should be entertaining and might not go exactly the way the brazen McGregor has predicted (although who doesn't love a well-placed, Eddy Gordo capoeira kick??).  McGregor by TKO in the second round is my official prediction.

The ladies are gonna throw some bombs - In a strange (and possibly a teeny bit chauvinistic) twist, the co-main event is the lone title fight of this card and it features newly anointed Bantamweight Champ Holly Holm taking on perennial contender and former Strikeforce Bantamweight Champ Miesha Tate.  Holm has been riding the wave of fame for the last three months and ironically now faces similar challenges that Ronda Rousey faced entering their November title bout.  The chicken dinner and talk show circuit can have some serious impact on a fighter's training, however, Holm's age (34) and maturity give her an edge that a younger fighter might lack in dealing with those distractions.  She's demonstrated a commitment to manage her interview/appearance requests and focus on her training.  Tate, on the other hand, enters this fight with very little hype and fanfare which could prove invaluable as the fight energy builds and she starts to employ her classic frenetic pace.  Both of these fighters are active and like to engage with strikes, particularly kicks with ill-intentions.  Most female fighters throw punches for punishment and not KOs.  But Tate and Holm have a little more spark in the fists than their colleagues and will likely inflict some bloody damage to each other's faces.  Don't overlook Miesha Tate's guile and grittiness.  She has waged some serious wars with tough opponents for title hardware before.  And while she wound up on the losing end of Rousey's patented armbar in December 2013 she proved she has stiff chin and a robotic resolve as she squirmed free of two seriously close submission attempts.  The fight is going to be close as Tate will be far more active than Rousey was and give Holm a much shiftier moving target.  It'll be like trying to hit a jackrabbit square in the face whereas Rousey was like a winded grizzly bear after a large meal standing squarely in front of Holm.  They'll exchange a ton of strikes as they feel each other out for possibly two rounds, but the fireworks won't pop off until Round 3 when Tate deploys her superior wrestling to get Holm to the mat and submit her via arm triangle.  This fight will be really fun to watch.  

COMING SOON: Three tribes become two - Survivor is going with the Brains vs Beauty vs Brawn concept this season and it hasn't disappointed as this new-school of social players engage in the social warfare of the game within the first few days.  Three weeks, three blindsides.  Jenny's motormouth sunk her ship and her scramble to save herself at Tribal was cringingly hilarious.  While Brainy Peter's inflated sense of cocky security was textbook Survivor for his ouster.  It won't be long before they'll need to merge down to two tribes.  But the real "star" so far has been Brainiac Debbie.  Oh man, that lady is Phillip 2.0 (Spies R Us); a full-blown whack-a-doodle cuckoo-bird.  Whoa.  Tune in just to see what zany observation she makes this week. 

Chris Rock hosts the Choice Awards - I was ambivalent towards all the controversy with black actors being overlooked for Oscar nominations.  It was an issue that affected lots of people far more differently than it affected me.  But I was still intrigued to see how Chris Rock aimed to tackle the issue.  Would he deflate its overblown merits by ignoring it altogether and stick with the bread 'n butter Billy Crystal-type monologue?  Or would he go head-on with it and use the forum as a stump campaign for his fellow black actors and expose the blatant racism in Hollywood?  Or would he embrace the gravity of the issue and poke fun at it from various angles?  He chose that last one and I was fine with that, however, I was supremely aggravated and disappointed with his preparedness.  Regardless of which approach he chose, he had 6-8 weeks of prep time to rehearse a well-crafted 8+ min monologue on one of the most-watched events of the year.  And he, instead, did his normal fifth-grade book report, winging it job.  His presentation style relies far too heavily on some semi-off-the-cuff ranting with a smattering of forced uncomfortable laughs.  My ambivalence aside, that issue deserved much better treatment from an informed and affected representative.  Kevin Hart's brief, sincere, casually humorous speech on the topic was a much better testimonial.  

XM Hits of the Month - These songs got turnt up in the Sienna this past month.  Or, in some cases, listened to very faintly in the driver's side front left speaker only.

• We Be Clubbin' by Ice Cube
• Lean Back by Terror Squad (I feel like a total boss gangsta leanin' in my black minivan with the windows down, sunroof open quietly listening to songs like this during mobile naptime)
• Fat Lip by Sum41 
• The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson (little know fact: Eminem did a remake of this song)
• Touch, Peel, and Stand by Days of the New
• Never Say Goodbye by Bon Jovi
• Where'd you Go? by Fort Minor
• Alone Again Naturally by Gilbert Sullivan
• Anvil Chorus by Glenn Miller
• Tuxedo Junction by Glenn Miller (I love me some Glenn Miller)
• Hey Ba Ba Re Bebop by Tex Beneke (been listening to alot of 40s Junction because it makes me think of my Nana)
• Fade into You by Mazzy Star (Channel 34 Lithium needs to be renamed "Lovejoy '97")
• Take Me to the River by Talking Heads
• In the Summertime by Mungo Jerry
• I'll Be Around by The Spinners
• Say it Ain't So by Weezer
• Deeper and Deeper by Madonna
• Can't You See by Total

DraftKings Winning Lineups - Yep, plural!! Of course, I turned $1 into $2 twice but a win's a win and I'm halfway to a Wendy's 4 for $4 deal.  

• PG Damian Lillard
• SG Eric Gordon
• SF Doug "McBuckets" McDermott 
• PF Draymond Green
• C Karl-Anthony Towns
• G Shelvin Mack
• F Ryan Anderson
• Util Tyson Chandler

• PG D'Angelo Russell
• SG Khris Middleton
• SF Gordon Hayward
• PF Jabari Parker
• C Dwight Howard
• G Evan Turner
• F Amir Johnson
• Util Will Barton

February 27, 2016

This week: UFC shakeup, Braves pickup, Parenting Storytime, and more...

You dropped a bomb on me - The UFC dropped a bombshell on Monday when it announced that Lightweight Champ Rafael Dos Anjos was forced to withdraw from the upcoming PPV fight versus Featherweight Champ Conor McGregor.  And the media was abuzz all week as the UFC scrambled to find a worthy opponent to face McGregor on 13 days notice.  We came fleetingly close to the unintended rematch between McGregor and the former champ he decimated in 13 seconds Jose Aldo.  Aldo passed on the chance to fight on short notice.  As did Frankie Edgar who expressed all sorts of sour grapes at the UFC for what appeared to me as very skewed logic.  Nate Diaz accepted the offer to step in and face The Notorious One because he has virtually nothing to lose and a small teaspoon to gain if somehow he manages to best the current baddest man on the planet (this title meanders around Earth constantly like World Famous Clam Chowder or Cutest Cat Vid).  The real draw to this fight for me isn't Diaz or whichever second-class citizen fighter they threw enough money at to fight on short notice, its watching McGregor fight at 170 lbs.  According the latest SI article on The Fighting Irishman, he walks around at 170 and has to cut a ton of weight to get to his division weight of 145.  Will the extra weight translate to more power or slower punches?  I'll pay $60 to find out.  $10 to get in the door.  Who's in?  Elias Cepeda from FOXSports.com did a thorough McGregor-Diaz matchup analysis.  

Baby Braves keep wandering back home - 2005 in Atlanta marked a special time in modern Braves history when rookies Brian McCann, Kelly Johnson, Kyle Davies, Ryan Langerhans, and my personal man-crush Jeff Francoeur debuted at Turner Field.  There was such profound optimism that season that the torch was being passed to the next wave of prospects ready to continue the Schuerholz legacy in Braves Country.  Alas, it was never meant to be.  That team was fun to watch (mostly), but none of those guys really ascended to remarkable heights (save McCann, but his tools translated more to a complementary stud rather than franchise savior).  Well, this week Schuerholz & Co. welcomed back one of those guys on a minor-league deal.  Jeff Francoeur will attempt to claim a reserve outfielder/late-inning pinch-hitter role with the team that nurtured his early career.  I'm truly rooting for him to finish up his career with 4-5 mid-quality seasons where it all started.  Nothing outrageous, just a nice, productive stretch as a utility OF that makes the occasional spot start.  Of course, I rooted for Dan Uggla and look where that got me.  ASIDE: I had a Field Pass one time down at Spring Training and was armed with my Canon DSLR snapping pics of anything and everything.  Several players worked the crowd from right to left signing autographs.  I'm not an autograph guy; I prefer to capture the moments on (digital) film.  Dan Uggla was on autopilot signing fan after fan and was headed my way.  I had no pen, no paper, just my camera.  He gets to me (we're essentially peers since there's no more than 15 mos separating us) and I'm like "uhhh" and he gives me this empty-handed frozen stare, so I just decide to wish him "Good luck this season" and shook his hand.  He seemed really thrown off by that.  It was my brush with not-so-greatness.  


Random Thoughts 

• My phone was down to less than 10% battery with over an hour to go before school pickup and a sleeping baby in the backseat.  In conservation mode, I started scrounging around the van for something to read like I was a Neanderthal in the Stone Age.  I found an old Sports Illustrated I'd already read and this month's Soma catalog.......after several minutes of internal debate, I determined that this season's Embraceable Bra & Pantie Collection has some very tasteful color combinations.  Any port in the storm, I guess.  I followed that up with the Everything Koalas book from Chick Fil A.  I felt like Johnny Five stuck in a glove box.  
• My wife described my new favorite bread as "flaccid".  Ironically, its much harder to put in my mouth now.  

Parenting Storytime - I'm a hoodie guy.  Not sure when it really started, but I love hoodies.  They're so comfy and versatile with their big front pocket and ear-protecting hood.  If I could get a new hoodie every Christmas for the rest of my life I'd be one happy hood-ligan....(not my best work, but I'm going with it).  I recently got a new Braves Spring Training Edition blue hoodie.  I was wearing it Thursday night to dinner with the fam.  Typical family dinner at a sandwich shop with Cranky and Fussy, the forgotten dwarfs.  Fussy the Baby was missing her solids that Dad forgot to pack in the diaper bag.  We found some applesauce squeezies and decided "yeah, she'll be ok with Applesauce Mango".  Two squeezies down the gullet and a less fussy, albeit still sleepy, baby in-hand.  We're packing up our things, doing the standard exit strategizing, and I'm holding not-so-Fussy when I see it.  That look everyone knows ends with snotty noses, gagged reflexes, and acidic sandpaper aftertaste.  I darted through the exit like I just snatched a bunch of diamond necklaces off the counter.  And here it came, the continual lava flow of orange mango applesauce mixed with baby bile.  I embraced her for the first wave and got more than a smidgen on my hoodie.  I then attempted to hold her away from me over the vacant parking space but she wasn't having that.  She held my sweatshirt like I was three weeks late on the money I owed her and I just cradled her into my shoulder and let it all ooze down my sleeve and chest.  Cranky the Fastidious Toddler came out in time for wave #3 and quickly retreated back to the tidy safety of Mommy with a hilarious-even-at-the-time disgusted, mouth agape look on his face.  It drenched my hoodie and soaked through my T-shirt.  I changed into one of my recently dry-cleaned button downs hanging in the back of the van and was good-to-go.  In a show of Parenting Solidarity, a random guy (I presume a Dad) walked by while I was peeling off the vomit-soaked massacre and was like "what's up, man" and gave me the head nod approval of "been there dude".  It took two washes but my hoodie game is still going strong. 

February 22, 2016

This week: MLB Spring Training, Deadpool, Survivor and The Amazing Race, and more...

Pitchers & Catchers reported..... - ...and all is right with the world.  I enjoy plenty of other sports, much to my wife's chagrin.  I enjoy college and pro football.  I'm intrigued by international soccer, although my comprehension is on-par with an advanced third grader who sits in the front row.  I've loved MMA for over 10 years but watching it has become taxing due to the late starts on a Saturday night.  But baseball is my passion.  I thoroughly enjoy all the nuances and intricacies of the game; the cerebral component of the competition is very appealing to me.  This time of year is always so exciting for me as MLB gets back into the swing of things.  I've had the great fortune to attend Braves Spring Training each of the last four years (maybe five, I can't honestly remember) with the blessing (and sometime attendance) of my wife.  If you've never been I strongly encourage you check it out.  The atmosphere is very easygoing and mostly all of the players are approachable and at arm's length.  I'll go in-depth on the Braves later this month, but my overall opinion of this upcoming season is that they're gonna struggle to win 75 games but that's still an improvement of 8 wins over last season, so I'll take it.  The prospects and young talent are getting alot of attention coming into camp, but the veteran presence at every position could move the needle closer to 80 wins.  But lots of reclamation projects need to turn in the right direction for that to work out.  

Deadpool review NO SPOILERS - I hate when someone says "this isn't gonna ruin the movie, lemme just tell you this one part".  ARGH!!!  There's a reason I don't watch the trailer for certain films.  Trailers are designed to attract the moth to the flame, but with some movies I don't need that carrot on a stick (I like to mix metaphors).  So, I'll tread lightly with my review for Deadpool.  I LOVED it.  Funny, irreverent, graphic, and a major departure from any other comic book movie you've seen.  Consider this your word-of-mouth endorsement.  Go check it out, you won't be disappointed.  I'm already angling to get another night off from Dad Duties to see it again.  

Jeff Probst and Phil Keoghan are back - Survivor and The Amazing Race returned this past week and thus far been pleasing and entertaining.  They may tweak their games/race here and there each season but for the most part they both have a very successful template for success and they don't stray too far off the path.  Jeff Probst is such a powerful, integral part of the show's production that I pondered aloud to my sister if the franchise could survive (haha) without him.  After some discussion we agreed that they could pass the torch (I'm on a roll) to someone within the fraternity of the show (i.e., a former player).  I think Colby Donaldson would be an obvious choice for an audition.  Recent winner Jeremy Collins also has some strong attributes that make him a contender.  My sister thinks former winner Parvati Shallow could transition from the work she's done on CBS.com to become Jeff 2.0.  The most important quality to replace is Jeff's scrutinizing probing (that's my last one) at tribal council.  He has a gift for really stirring the pot and seeing what comes to the top.  There's no reason to think Jeff is leaving, but its fun to entertain the idea of him stepping down and filling that role.  Its like debating Nick Saban's successor.  The Amazing Race's best seasons have avoided the cheesy melodrama of Big Brother and the backstabbing alliances of Survivor.  They've done their best work when they've carved out their own lane in traffic with honest, fair gameplay between teams without a bunch of cliques and in-fighting.  After two episodes, this season appears to fit nicely in that template.  The teams are friendly, fair, and competitive; just the way I like it.


Open forum discussion time - What does Facebook look like in 10 years?  20 years?  Does it truly have the staying power that we all presume it does?  Or does it plateau or even lose subscribers over that span and become MySpace, LYCOS, or HotOrNot?  Is Facebook gonna be the air conditioning of our generation?  That invention that you never knew you couldn't live without.  Or does it fizzle out like Crystal Pepsi?  Lots of questions on the same topic.  Discuss in the comments section.

The worst fight in MMA history - Chad Dundas of Bleacher Report did a much better job documenting and lampooning the "fight" between legendary street brawlers Kimbo Slice and Dada 5000, so I'll share it with you here.  It just as funny as the fight itself.  I watched it the next morning without knowing the outcome and quickly realized that fast forwarding was the easiest way to power through that travashamockery of MMA fighting.  Even on FF I was still laughing out loud at how comical this fight was in front of an arena of fans.  Thankfully I can comfortably mock this fight knowing that Dada 5000 is recovering nicely after nearly dying in the hospital after the fight. NOTE: Watch the birth of "travashamockery" here. 

This was an awesome promotion - This guy got to swing for the fences for an upgrade to his season tickets that he'd already bought.  His clean, powerful swing put him in box seats.  Well done, sir.    

Housekeeping - My original intention with The Chatter was to be a weekly post about sports & entertainment musings.  I set a self-imposed deadline of Friday night.  Then it migrated to Saturday.......night.  Then Sunday came and went and here I am Monday morning working on the rough/final draft.  The reality is that carving out 2 hours a week to write can be challenging, but I truly enjoy the exercise of crafting my thoughts in the written word and sharing them with the handful of folks that I think will enjoy them.  I mention this because as my deadline migrates I have every intention of getting back to that Friday night commitment which means you'll either see a reallllly long break (see: NEXT Friday) or another installment sooner than normal (see: THIS Friday).  Thanks for the support and I'll see you Friday ;)