December 11, 2015

This week: Braves trade, Driving pet peeves, Parenting Storytime and more...

Shelby Miller headed to the desert - Parting ways with Shelby Miller became an inevitable truth this offseason and the Braves made it clear that the return on that trade had to blow them away.  And according to multiple media types, the Braves' haul was tremendous.  An immediate starter in CF (Ender Inciarte), a darkhorse rotation candidate (Aaron Blair), and the homegrown boy-made-good from Marietta (Dansby Swanson).  Swanson is the biggest chip of this package; his potential career arc is tantalizing.  He'd be way ahead of schedule if he becomes the 2017 Opening Day starter at SS, but that's probably exactly what the Braves hopes he becomes.  More likely, he makes his debut as a September call-up in 2017 and secures the starting spot in 2018 Spring Training.  Aside: the quiet signing of C Tyler Flowers puts former phenom Christian Bethancourt on notice.  He'll get flipped for a reserve OF or mid-level pitching prospect in the coming weeks. (UPDATE: I meant to say "young reliever and minor league catcher").  Aside #2:  Freddie Freeman might very well get moved this winter, too.  The Cardinals, Pirates, and Astros seem like strong possibilities with weak first base options.

Some real talk: Driving Edition - I'm a reformed speeder and aggressive driver (38 traffic stops, 16 speeding tickets, but only one stop in the last 10 years and that was for rolling through a right turn on a stop sign in my Yaris and I got a warning).  I'm not proud of my history, but I feel it gives me some credence when I assess other drivers and their poor habits and dangerous behavior.  

• The Parking Lot Speeder - aka The Neighborhood Speeder.  25 mph is alot faster when a mother of three with a wild 8 year old comes darting out of a grocery store/driveway.  Pedestrian traffic is an absolute truth in a parking lot/n'hood and 10 mph seems slow, but that's the idea.  Slow down, parking lot speeder.
• The Left Lane Lagger - In 2014, GA enacted the "Slow Poke Law" to prevent drivers from hanging out in the left lane.  Those laggers think they're doing some social service by keeping everyone in line by "enforcing" the speeding laws, but ultimately they put everyone at risk by the sudden slowdowns and the eventual right lane workarounds required by faster traffic to navigate around them.  Move over, slow pokes.
• The Aggressive Tailgater - The archenemy of The Left Lane Lagger.  This was me.  I tried teaching the slow pokes the lesson they deserved by hanging onto their bumper and forcing them over.  I had a pretty sobering moment about 10 years ago that changed my ways.  I wised up, did some soul-searching and realized that I didn't want to forfeit my freedoms and liberties just for that brief satisfaction of driving 90 mph past some old man.  Back off, tailgater. 
• The Lane Darter - They coast past dozens of cars honorably waiting their turn to get through an intersection and dart into a gap.  They would never do this in any other circumstance.  No one would just dart in the concession line at the movie theater simply because the old lady on her cane moved a little slower than most.  Wait your turn, lane darter. 
• The Bob & Weaver - A cousin of The Aggressive Tailgater, this guy bobs & weaves his way through morning rush hour causing sudden slowdowns or stops just so he can maneuver forward 4 car lengths.  Congestion plagues us all, but they're making it worse by stressing everyone out with their sudden and unpredictable behavior.  Take it easy, Bob Weaver.
• The Turn Lane Hanger - You've seen 'em, they lollygag into the center turn lane at 20% speed and take a terrible angle and then get stuck hanging out of the turn lane diagonally.  Their bumper causes an obstacle that must be navigated by everyone coming up behind them.  Its a simple lane change and this person treats it like they're docking a cruise ship blindfolded.  Get it together, Lane Hanger.
• The Emergency Lane Cruiser - This guy takes selfish, anxious, entitled, and brazen and pieces them together to make a Voltron-sized schmuck that cruises in the emergency lane, sometimes popping back into regular traffic to increase the level of difficulty.  Read this story to really bum you out and realize how quickly your life can change by doing this.  
• The Headlight Ignoramus - "Headlights are just as important for them to see you as it is for you to see them." - Dennis Mullen  My Dad dropped that little life lesson on me when he was teaching me about driving at dawn and dusk and I think of it every day when I'm driving Emily to work at 7:30am.  Early morning, foggy dew-covered windows & mirrors, glare of the sun on the horizon its easy to miss speeding on-comers in the neighborhood.  But if they have their lights on, they stand out pretty brightly.  Boats and sea vessels use running lights for exactly this reason.  Brighten up, Headlight Ignoramus.
• Dishonorable mentions: The Emergency Vehicle Disrespecter, The Red Light Runner, The Texter

Its easy to lob tomatoes at these other drivers, but what if you are one of these drivers?  I'm not casting any stones, but next time you're out and about stop and think about your driving habits.  

Random Thoughts

• I identify more with Hudson Hornet and less with Lightning McQueen.  
• I prefer the Christmas classics of the Andy Williams, Bing Crosby, Burl Ives era.  And Harry Connick's When My Heart Finds Christmas.  
• The CFP got it right.  The semifinal matchups are gonna be fun to watch.  New Year's Six, baby!!
• UFC 194 will not disappoint this Saturday.  McGregor & Weidman will prevail in dramatic fashion.  PPV $$ well spent.

Parenting Story of the Week - Henry has been seeing a speech therapist for almost a year and last Monday she started emphasizing his "y" sounds like "yea, yah, yes" etc.  I earned my latest nickname that day, "Daddy-yah" which I heard 7,138 times that afternoon.  Fast forward a week.  The Daddy-yah Counter had eclipsed six digits and exploded into a million pieces.  I'm posted up at a stoplight steady bumpin' my funky fresh new jam Fetty Wap's "Trap Queen" and spittin' rhymes like a boss, gangsta-leanin' like a pimp when my hand dropped at noon on the steering wheel and I sadly remembered I'm driving a minivan.  Ignoring this harsh reality I still rap along....Adam: "I just left the mall, I'm getting fly with my baby, YEAH!....I be in the kitchen cookin pies with my baby, (Henry: "YEAAHH!!")".  My Father of the Year ceremony is later this month.  You're all invited.