March 13, 2016

This week: UFC 196 recap, Reality TV tidbits, New Showtime series, and more...

DISCLAIMER: This week's edition features a section that isn't intended for all audiences.  I'm dead serious.  Some of you may shrug your shoulders and mock me for the warning, but others may appreciate the heads-up

Half an egg on my face - I felt like the perfect rube in the closing seconds of the Conor McGregor-Nate Diaz fight last weekend.  I fell hook, line, and sinker for all the showmanship and bluster that McGregor spewed in the fight hype that I completely overlooked all the obvious holes in his game that Diaz exposed masterfully.  It was a decent fight with an unexpected outcome, but it was one of those unique fight experiences where as the fight develops it becomes perfectly clear that the "underdog" is no underdog after all.  Diaz picked McGregor apart with superior jabs from his long range and eventually broke the Irishman's spirit to take any more punishment, forcing him into a desperation takedown attempt with limited ground skills and zero stamina to put up a fight.  I felt like Tommy Gunn's manager at the end of Rocky V when the fight momentum turned in favor of Diaz.  "You're losing everything!!!"  Alas, that's an overstatement.  McGregor still retains the Featherweight belt and his next opponent will certainly come from that division, likely at UFC 200 in July.  Stay tuned.  

The other egg half - McGregor's shortcomings aside, I did come out on the winning end of one of my predictions when Miesha Tate defeated Holly Holm for the Bantamweight title.  It was a bit of a seesaw battle with each fighter winning a round in the opening two frames.  But then Tate failed to capitalize on the fight momentum and entered the final round facing a "Finish her!!!" scenario and, boy howdy, did she.  If the UFC was sponsored by Sesame Street the closing credits would have noted that "today's fight card was brought to you by Ground Control, without it you'll end up purple-faced and blacked out".  Holm and McGregor both learned this lesson the hard way.  Tate secured an unrelenting hold on Holm in the 5th and never let go looking at one point like she might choke her out standing up.  It went to the mat and within seconds the lights went out on Holly Holm's reign atop the division.  

Any good cook knows what to do with cracked eggs - The UFC's master plan for McGregor went out the window (or, if you're an undying optimist, was temporarily postponed).  He's still a magnetic personality and young enough to develop a world-class ground game, but he'll cool his jets for the rest of this year and likely defend his title twice by December.  As for the Women's Bantamweight division, the Tate upset likely adds one extra wrinkle to the eventual Holm-Rousey II that everyone presumed prior to the Holm loss.  Provided Ronda Rousey is still looking for a fight and not looking to settle down and make babies, then I predict it goes like this:  Tate-Rousey III for the belt (possibly at UFC 200), Holm versus rising star Amanda Nunes for top contender status.  Winners face off for the belt in December.  Its a classic semifinal format.
  
Reality TV tidbits - I'm a fan of gritty docu-series, competition challenges, and home improvement chronicles.  Here are some quick thoughts about an assortment of Reality TV I've seen in the last few weeks:

• The Bachelor - The finale airs tomorrow (Monday, March 14) and Ben has 'lot of 'splainin to do after telling two women he loved them.  I don't care how you slice it, that's a bad move and the Squirm Meter is gonna be on 10 from the opening credits.  The Women Tell All Special was an uncomfortable walk down memory lane last week.  Overall, I must agree with Chris Harrison that Ben really is an admirable, swell, honorable guy and I could definitely see us hanging out.  I'd probably give him my number if I saw him out at my normal stomping grounds: Children's Museum, Sam's Club, every playground in a 15 mile radius.  Even Minnesota Twin pitcher Phil Hughes likes Bachelor Ben.
• Top Chef - The finale airs Thursday, March 17 and I like both contenders, but will definitely be pulling for Amar.  He is a great chef who's already won a shot at redemption by claiming the Last Chance Kitchen prize.  Worth noting, Amar was one of back-to-back chefs that got eliminated on frozen waffles and toast; he managed to recover from the soggy toast elimination and he'll hopefully claim the Grand Prize.
• Survivor & The Amazing Race - Unfortunately both of my faves got cut short due to some scheduling issues on CBS and poor recovery from my DVR.  I'll take this opportunity to inform you that CBS has finally joined the streaming services community with their own All-Access feature.  It works just like the other proven models of Netflix and Hulu.  Free 7-day trial gives way to a $5.99 monthly subscription.  Available on multiple platforms.
• H2 no longer exists - It was always an honorable mention/afterthought in my channel surfing, but H2 is gone and has been rebooted as Viceland.  If you're a fan of Vice, HBO's hit news magazine show (think gritty 60 Minutes), then Viceland is for you.  I started dabbling with some of their original programming this week and found Vice Essentials and Noisey to be my early faves.  Shows like that are always good for informing on topics you never would seek out on your own.  Case in point, I had no clue how bad things had gotten in Trinidad & Tobago and why.  But now I'm an expert and will be hosting a panel at the next neighborhood bake sale/fun run/yard sale.

Things I never imagined saying before I had children and now seem perfectly normal

• "its bedtime, we're not eating butt paste."

Redbox reviews - Had the good fortune of watching three movies this week with my lovely wife.  

1. The Martian - She read the book and saw it in theaters, but this my first time.  It was engaging, easy to follow, and surprisingly believable in a near-future kinda way.  I liked it and think you should check it out.
2. Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation - I love the whole Mission Impossible franchise.  Tom Cruise is a certifiable whack-a-doodle but he makes fun action movies.  This one follows all the usual recipes from the previous installments and has two major action sequences that don't disappoint and a handful of quality fight scenes.  My Dad was always a sucker for action drivel and I feel I'm entering that stage of Dad-hood.  I don't wanna think too hard sometimes, just blow stuff up, beat up the bad guy, and get back the (insert irreplaceable/invaluable/top-secret heirloom here).  Aside from running about 30 mins too long, this movie hit all the right notes.  
3. The Intern - The kind of movie Redbox was perfectly designed for.  $2 for a cute, warmly satisfying, wholesome movie.  I would never spend movie ticket $$$ on this type of movie, but $2?  Yep.  Its relatively simple with one fun little reveal that I didn't see coming and one cliched storytelling device that I did see coming.  But, overall, its a sweet little movie that everyone with half a soul and a lukewarm heart would enjoy.  Some of you need not apply....you know who you are. 

DISCLAIMER: The final section may not be intended for certain audiences.  The subject matter may be discomforting or offensive.  Please read at your own discretion.

Let's get heavy for a minute - I generally prefer to keep my content light, easy, breezy, and anti-inflammatory....like Ginger Ale or jock itch spray.  But I will occasionally delve into slightly weightier fare when the time is right.  Showtime launched a docu-series earlier this year called Dark Net that addresses various topics related to the seedier side of the internet of which I was mostly ignorant.  I'd read the news stories about the Silk Road and had a limited understanding of the reaches of the nefarious types that surf around those outer reaches of the internet, but this show does an excellent job showcasing topics from the dark web that I never knew existed.  Long distance BDSM couples where the guy is the submissive and wears a genital cage for a vast majority of his week.  The woman who sees the value in RFID bio-chipping for humans and has one "installed".  The content moderators who suffer from PTSD after 6 months on the job.  But the most well-crafted, eye-opening, gut-wrenching, heart-sinking episode was, by far, the story on child pornography.  It was done responsibly, devoid of any sensationalism, and was exactly the gut punch you'd expect.  It was unsettling for sure, but it can't all be Fixer Upper and House Hunter reruns.  I feel a responsibility to turn a sensitive, informed eye to these topics to better understand the human condition and the human psyche.  Its not a show for everyone, but maybe you'll find something that speaks to you.  

March 4, 2016

This week: UFC 196 predictions, XM Hits of the Month, Survivor, and more...

Its pretty easy being green - The pride of Ireland Conor McGregor has spent the past 10 days on turbo mode hyping up and promoting a fight against replacement stiff Nate Diaz.  The trash talk between these two, while mostly forgettable jibber jabber, has been unrelenting since both of them recognize the value of a good sales job of a PPV that was in a kamikaze dive towards that fake Eiffel Tower in Las Vegas.  Their quickly established blood feud is the essence of the fight promotion industry; create a rivalry, sell it convincingly and the eyeballs will pop up on Saturday night.  The fight should be entertaining and might not go exactly the way the brazen McGregor has predicted (although who doesn't love a well-placed, Eddy Gordo capoeira kick??).  McGregor by TKO in the second round is my official prediction.

The ladies are gonna throw some bombs - In a strange (and possibly a teeny bit chauvinistic) twist, the co-main event is the lone title fight of this card and it features newly anointed Bantamweight Champ Holly Holm taking on perennial contender and former Strikeforce Bantamweight Champ Miesha Tate.  Holm has been riding the wave of fame for the last three months and ironically now faces similar challenges that Ronda Rousey faced entering their November title bout.  The chicken dinner and talk show circuit can have some serious impact on a fighter's training, however, Holm's age (34) and maturity give her an edge that a younger fighter might lack in dealing with those distractions.  She's demonstrated a commitment to manage her interview/appearance requests and focus on her training.  Tate, on the other hand, enters this fight with very little hype and fanfare which could prove invaluable as the fight energy builds and she starts to employ her classic frenetic pace.  Both of these fighters are active and like to engage with strikes, particularly kicks with ill-intentions.  Most female fighters throw punches for punishment and not KOs.  But Tate and Holm have a little more spark in the fists than their colleagues and will likely inflict some bloody damage to each other's faces.  Don't overlook Miesha Tate's guile and grittiness.  She has waged some serious wars with tough opponents for title hardware before.  And while she wound up on the losing end of Rousey's patented armbar in December 2013 she proved she has stiff chin and a robotic resolve as she squirmed free of two seriously close submission attempts.  The fight is going to be close as Tate will be far more active than Rousey was and give Holm a much shiftier moving target.  It'll be like trying to hit a jackrabbit square in the face whereas Rousey was like a winded grizzly bear after a large meal standing squarely in front of Holm.  They'll exchange a ton of strikes as they feel each other out for possibly two rounds, but the fireworks won't pop off until Round 3 when Tate deploys her superior wrestling to get Holm to the mat and submit her via arm triangle.  This fight will be really fun to watch.  

COMING SOON: Three tribes become two - Survivor is going with the Brains vs Beauty vs Brawn concept this season and it hasn't disappointed as this new-school of social players engage in the social warfare of the game within the first few days.  Three weeks, three blindsides.  Jenny's motormouth sunk her ship and her scramble to save herself at Tribal was cringingly hilarious.  While Brainy Peter's inflated sense of cocky security was textbook Survivor for his ouster.  It won't be long before they'll need to merge down to two tribes.  But the real "star" so far has been Brainiac Debbie.  Oh man, that lady is Phillip 2.0 (Spies R Us); a full-blown whack-a-doodle cuckoo-bird.  Whoa.  Tune in just to see what zany observation she makes this week. 

Chris Rock hosts the Choice Awards - I was ambivalent towards all the controversy with black actors being overlooked for Oscar nominations.  It was an issue that affected lots of people far more differently than it affected me.  But I was still intrigued to see how Chris Rock aimed to tackle the issue.  Would he deflate its overblown merits by ignoring it altogether and stick with the bread 'n butter Billy Crystal-type monologue?  Or would he go head-on with it and use the forum as a stump campaign for his fellow black actors and expose the blatant racism in Hollywood?  Or would he embrace the gravity of the issue and poke fun at it from various angles?  He chose that last one and I was fine with that, however, I was supremely aggravated and disappointed with his preparedness.  Regardless of which approach he chose, he had 6-8 weeks of prep time to rehearse a well-crafted 8+ min monologue on one of the most-watched events of the year.  And he, instead, did his normal fifth-grade book report, winging it job.  His presentation style relies far too heavily on some semi-off-the-cuff ranting with a smattering of forced uncomfortable laughs.  My ambivalence aside, that issue deserved much better treatment from an informed and affected representative.  Kevin Hart's brief, sincere, casually humorous speech on the topic was a much better testimonial.  

XM Hits of the Month - These songs got turnt up in the Sienna this past month.  Or, in some cases, listened to very faintly in the driver's side front left speaker only.

• We Be Clubbin' by Ice Cube
• Lean Back by Terror Squad (I feel like a total boss gangsta leanin' in my black minivan with the windows down, sunroof open quietly listening to songs like this during mobile naptime)
• Fat Lip by Sum41 
• The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson (little know fact: Eminem did a remake of this song)
• Touch, Peel, and Stand by Days of the New
• Never Say Goodbye by Bon Jovi
• Where'd you Go? by Fort Minor
• Alone Again Naturally by Gilbert Sullivan
• Anvil Chorus by Glenn Miller
• Tuxedo Junction by Glenn Miller (I love me some Glenn Miller)
• Hey Ba Ba Re Bebop by Tex Beneke (been listening to alot of 40s Junction because it makes me think of my Nana)
• Fade into You by Mazzy Star (Channel 34 Lithium needs to be renamed "Lovejoy '97")
• Take Me to the River by Talking Heads
• In the Summertime by Mungo Jerry
• I'll Be Around by The Spinners
• Say it Ain't So by Weezer
• Deeper and Deeper by Madonna
• Can't You See by Total

DraftKings Winning Lineups - Yep, plural!! Of course, I turned $1 into $2 twice but a win's a win and I'm halfway to a Wendy's 4 for $4 deal.  

• PG Damian Lillard
• SG Eric Gordon
• SF Doug "McBuckets" McDermott 
• PF Draymond Green
• C Karl-Anthony Towns
• G Shelvin Mack
• F Ryan Anderson
• Util Tyson Chandler

• PG D'Angelo Russell
• SG Khris Middleton
• SF Gordon Hayward
• PF Jabari Parker
• C Dwight Howard
• G Evan Turner
• F Amir Johnson
• Util Will Barton

February 27, 2016

This week: UFC shakeup, Braves pickup, Parenting Storytime, and more...

You dropped a bomb on me - The UFC dropped a bombshell on Monday when it announced that Lightweight Champ Rafael Dos Anjos was forced to withdraw from the upcoming PPV fight versus Featherweight Champ Conor McGregor.  And the media was abuzz all week as the UFC scrambled to find a worthy opponent to face McGregor on 13 days notice.  We came fleetingly close to the unintended rematch between McGregor and the former champ he decimated in 13 seconds Jose Aldo.  Aldo passed on the chance to fight on short notice.  As did Frankie Edgar who expressed all sorts of sour grapes at the UFC for what appeared to me as very skewed logic.  Nate Diaz accepted the offer to step in and face The Notorious One because he has virtually nothing to lose and a small teaspoon to gain if somehow he manages to best the current baddest man on the planet (this title meanders around Earth constantly like World Famous Clam Chowder or Cutest Cat Vid).  The real draw to this fight for me isn't Diaz or whichever second-class citizen fighter they threw enough money at to fight on short notice, its watching McGregor fight at 170 lbs.  According the latest SI article on The Fighting Irishman, he walks around at 170 and has to cut a ton of weight to get to his division weight of 145.  Will the extra weight translate to more power or slower punches?  I'll pay $60 to find out.  $10 to get in the door.  Who's in?  Elias Cepeda from FOXSports.com did a thorough McGregor-Diaz matchup analysis.  

Baby Braves keep wandering back home - 2005 in Atlanta marked a special time in modern Braves history when rookies Brian McCann, Kelly Johnson, Kyle Davies, Ryan Langerhans, and my personal man-crush Jeff Francoeur debuted at Turner Field.  There was such profound optimism that season that the torch was being passed to the next wave of prospects ready to continue the Schuerholz legacy in Braves Country.  Alas, it was never meant to be.  That team was fun to watch (mostly), but none of those guys really ascended to remarkable heights (save McCann, but his tools translated more to a complementary stud rather than franchise savior).  Well, this week Schuerholz & Co. welcomed back one of those guys on a minor-league deal.  Jeff Francoeur will attempt to claim a reserve outfielder/late-inning pinch-hitter role with the team that nurtured his early career.  I'm truly rooting for him to finish up his career with 4-5 mid-quality seasons where it all started.  Nothing outrageous, just a nice, productive stretch as a utility OF that makes the occasional spot start.  Of course, I rooted for Dan Uggla and look where that got me.  ASIDE: I had a Field Pass one time down at Spring Training and was armed with my Canon DSLR snapping pics of anything and everything.  Several players worked the crowd from right to left signing autographs.  I'm not an autograph guy; I prefer to capture the moments on (digital) film.  Dan Uggla was on autopilot signing fan after fan and was headed my way.  I had no pen, no paper, just my camera.  He gets to me (we're essentially peers since there's no more than 15 mos separating us) and I'm like "uhhh" and he gives me this empty-handed frozen stare, so I just decide to wish him "Good luck this season" and shook his hand.  He seemed really thrown off by that.  It was my brush with not-so-greatness.  


Random Thoughts 

• My phone was down to less than 10% battery with over an hour to go before school pickup and a sleeping baby in the backseat.  In conservation mode, I started scrounging around the van for something to read like I was a Neanderthal in the Stone Age.  I found an old Sports Illustrated I'd already read and this month's Soma catalog.......after several minutes of internal debate, I determined that this season's Embraceable Bra & Pantie Collection has some very tasteful color combinations.  Any port in the storm, I guess.  I followed that up with the Everything Koalas book from Chick Fil A.  I felt like Johnny Five stuck in a glove box.  
• My wife described my new favorite bread as "flaccid".  Ironically, its much harder to put in my mouth now.  

Parenting Storytime - I'm a hoodie guy.  Not sure when it really started, but I love hoodies.  They're so comfy and versatile with their big front pocket and ear-protecting hood.  If I could get a new hoodie every Christmas for the rest of my life I'd be one happy hood-ligan....(not my best work, but I'm going with it).  I recently got a new Braves Spring Training Edition blue hoodie.  I was wearing it Thursday night to dinner with the fam.  Typical family dinner at a sandwich shop with Cranky and Fussy, the forgotten dwarfs.  Fussy the Baby was missing her solids that Dad forgot to pack in the diaper bag.  We found some applesauce squeezies and decided "yeah, she'll be ok with Applesauce Mango".  Two squeezies down the gullet and a less fussy, albeit still sleepy, baby in-hand.  We're packing up our things, doing the standard exit strategizing, and I'm holding not-so-Fussy when I see it.  That look everyone knows ends with snotty noses, gagged reflexes, and acidic sandpaper aftertaste.  I darted through the exit like I just snatched a bunch of diamond necklaces off the counter.  And here it came, the continual lava flow of orange mango applesauce mixed with baby bile.  I embraced her for the first wave and got more than a smidgen on my hoodie.  I then attempted to hold her away from me over the vacant parking space but she wasn't having that.  She held my sweatshirt like I was three weeks late on the money I owed her and I just cradled her into my shoulder and let it all ooze down my sleeve and chest.  Cranky the Fastidious Toddler came out in time for wave #3 and quickly retreated back to the tidy safety of Mommy with a hilarious-even-at-the-time disgusted, mouth agape look on his face.  It drenched my hoodie and soaked through my T-shirt.  I changed into one of my recently dry-cleaned button downs hanging in the back of the van and was good-to-go.  In a show of Parenting Solidarity, a random guy (I presume a Dad) walked by while I was peeling off the vomit-soaked massacre and was like "what's up, man" and gave me the head nod approval of "been there dude".  It took two washes but my hoodie game is still going strong. 

February 22, 2016

This week: MLB Spring Training, Deadpool, Survivor and The Amazing Race, and more...

Pitchers & Catchers reported..... - ...and all is right with the world.  I enjoy plenty of other sports, much to my wife's chagrin.  I enjoy college and pro football.  I'm intrigued by international soccer, although my comprehension is on-par with an advanced third grader who sits in the front row.  I've loved MMA for over 10 years but watching it has become taxing due to the late starts on a Saturday night.  But baseball is my passion.  I thoroughly enjoy all the nuances and intricacies of the game; the cerebral component of the competition is very appealing to me.  This time of year is always so exciting for me as MLB gets back into the swing of things.  I've had the great fortune to attend Braves Spring Training each of the last four years (maybe five, I can't honestly remember) with the blessing (and sometime attendance) of my wife.  If you've never been I strongly encourage you check it out.  The atmosphere is very easygoing and mostly all of the players are approachable and at arm's length.  I'll go in-depth on the Braves later this month, but my overall opinion of this upcoming season is that they're gonna struggle to win 75 games but that's still an improvement of 8 wins over last season, so I'll take it.  The prospects and young talent are getting alot of attention coming into camp, but the veteran presence at every position could move the needle closer to 80 wins.  But lots of reclamation projects need to turn in the right direction for that to work out.  

Deadpool review NO SPOILERS - I hate when someone says "this isn't gonna ruin the movie, lemme just tell you this one part".  ARGH!!!  There's a reason I don't watch the trailer for certain films.  Trailers are designed to attract the moth to the flame, but with some movies I don't need that carrot on a stick (I like to mix metaphors).  So, I'll tread lightly with my review for Deadpool.  I LOVED it.  Funny, irreverent, graphic, and a major departure from any other comic book movie you've seen.  Consider this your word-of-mouth endorsement.  Go check it out, you won't be disappointed.  I'm already angling to get another night off from Dad Duties to see it again.  

Jeff Probst and Phil Keoghan are back - Survivor and The Amazing Race returned this past week and thus far been pleasing and entertaining.  They may tweak their games/race here and there each season but for the most part they both have a very successful template for success and they don't stray too far off the path.  Jeff Probst is such a powerful, integral part of the show's production that I pondered aloud to my sister if the franchise could survive (haha) without him.  After some discussion we agreed that they could pass the torch (I'm on a roll) to someone within the fraternity of the show (i.e., a former player).  I think Colby Donaldson would be an obvious choice for an audition.  Recent winner Jeremy Collins also has some strong attributes that make him a contender.  My sister thinks former winner Parvati Shallow could transition from the work she's done on CBS.com to become Jeff 2.0.  The most important quality to replace is Jeff's scrutinizing probing (that's my last one) at tribal council.  He has a gift for really stirring the pot and seeing what comes to the top.  There's no reason to think Jeff is leaving, but its fun to entertain the idea of him stepping down and filling that role.  Its like debating Nick Saban's successor.  The Amazing Race's best seasons have avoided the cheesy melodrama of Big Brother and the backstabbing alliances of Survivor.  They've done their best work when they've carved out their own lane in traffic with honest, fair gameplay between teams without a bunch of cliques and in-fighting.  After two episodes, this season appears to fit nicely in that template.  The teams are friendly, fair, and competitive; just the way I like it.


Open forum discussion time - What does Facebook look like in 10 years?  20 years?  Does it truly have the staying power that we all presume it does?  Or does it plateau or even lose subscribers over that span and become MySpace, LYCOS, or HotOrNot?  Is Facebook gonna be the air conditioning of our generation?  That invention that you never knew you couldn't live without.  Or does it fizzle out like Crystal Pepsi?  Lots of questions on the same topic.  Discuss in the comments section.

The worst fight in MMA history - Chad Dundas of Bleacher Report did a much better job documenting and lampooning the "fight" between legendary street brawlers Kimbo Slice and Dada 5000, so I'll share it with you here.  It just as funny as the fight itself.  I watched it the next morning without knowing the outcome and quickly realized that fast forwarding was the easiest way to power through that travashamockery of MMA fighting.  Even on FF I was still laughing out loud at how comical this fight was in front of an arena of fans.  Thankfully I can comfortably mock this fight knowing that Dada 5000 is recovering nicely after nearly dying in the hospital after the fight. NOTE: Watch the birth of "travashamockery" here. 

This was an awesome promotion - This guy got to swing for the fences for an upgrade to his season tickets that he'd already bought.  His clean, powerful swing put him in box seats.  Well done, sir.    

Housekeeping - My original intention with The Chatter was to be a weekly post about sports & entertainment musings.  I set a self-imposed deadline of Friday night.  Then it migrated to Saturday.......night.  Then Sunday came and went and here I am Monday morning working on the rough/final draft.  The reality is that carving out 2 hours a week to write can be challenging, but I truly enjoy the exercise of crafting my thoughts in the written word and sharing them with the handful of folks that I think will enjoy them.  I mention this because as my deadline migrates I have every intention of getting back to that Friday night commitment which means you'll either see a reallllly long break (see: NEXT Friday) or another installment sooner than normal (see: THIS Friday).  Thanks for the support and I'll see you Friday ;)

February 13, 2016

This week: Super Bowl recap, lots of Random Thoughts, Parenting Storytime and more...

I pulled a muscle... - ...patting myself on the back with my incredibly accurate Super Bowl prediction.  Denver's defense played like the No. 1 unit in football and got after Cam (more on him in a minute) all night and Peyton Manning was able to walk off 2-2 in Super Bowls and likely into a Budweiser-sponsored sunset.  The game itself wasn't pretty or spectacular or classic in any way, but it was nice to see the Panthers fall apart at the absolute worst time of the season (says a perpetually-bummed Falcons fan).  

Newton haters (no question marks this time) - If Cam Newton was the victim of an unfounded media crucifixion BEFORE the game, he was certainly the target of some well-reasoned public disappointment and vitriol AFTER the game.  The talking heads and pundits talked this issue to death this week, so I'll leave it alone...for the most part.  My favorite piece of commentary came from Seattle Seahawk Frank Clark who tweeted a video reacting to Cam's complete bailout job on the lost fumble late in the fourth quarter that pretty much sealed the Bronco win:  "That boy's a BITCH!!".  Matter of fact, direct, to-the-point....I like it.  He also added a slightly more eloquent assessment of Cam's diva-like, me-first, parasol-carrying debutante manner of playing: "[In] crunch time he want grapes, I'm eatin' mud".  It didn't help that Cam freely admitted that he purposefully and willfully avoided injury on his "attempt" at recovering that fumble.  If he never makes it back to the Super Bowl, that will be the lasting image of his career archive.  

Random Thoughts 

• The Super Bowl commercials were good (The Date, Alexa, The Ultrasound) and bad (PuppyMonkeyBaby), but the random commercial about "urgent diarrhea" really had me pondering.  Isn't "urgent diarrhea" a bit redundant?  I can't recall a time where diarrhea wasn't urgent and a top priority
• H1 was watching The Little Engine that Could the other day, and Emily unwittingly and hilariously called it The Truck that Can which I joked was the Canadian version.  I also came up with The Moped that Might.  Got any others?
• Watch Judge Judy for a week and you'll think twice about renting (as tenant OR landlord), loaning money to family or friends, or owning a dog. 
• 60 Minutes Sports on Showtime did a piece on Daily Fantasy Sports this week.  They profiled one of the normal heavy hitters in that world and he said that he spends about $1 million a month on thousands of contests.  Meanwhile, I'm still stinging from the $90 I've lost since August.  I was definitely enlightened at how much of a mope I am for being the bait to the big fish of DraftKings.  
• In the spirit of Super Bowl champion Peyton Manning, I'm gonna throw some uncompensated endorsement towards Duluth Trading Company.  I recently bought some of their Buck Naked underwear and boy howdy!!!  Those drawers are so comfy and supportive in all the right places.  I strongly suggest you try out a pair.  My wife got a pair, too, and loves the anti-wedgie component of them.  
• Ben The Bachelor did not disappoint this week and sent Olivia packing and made her take the news in gale force winds on the beach.  The sand shower she got from the tiny twisters whipping across that beach left her with a Rudolph nose and a Huckleberry Hound face.  It was classic.  
• I was never a Beverly Hills, 90210 fan but I learned of this rumor this week.  Did you know that it had a working title of Potomac 20854?

Best Picture nom-nom - I had the unexpected and unintentional pleasure of watching two of the Best Picture nominees this week, Mad Max: Fury Road and The Revenant.  A few quick thoughts: 1) Tom Hardy is a strong contender for his supporting role to Leonardo DiCaprio  2) Mad Max was a complete letdown. Wasn't impressed at all  3) The Revenant was good but I had such unattainable high hopes for it that it too was a bit of a hollow experience.  The cinematography is incredible, not as good as Atonement, but pretty darn good.  There are several scenes that are shot in a way that I've never experienced before.  Lots of quality use of depth and visual trickery.

Restaurant Wars 2: The Strawberry Salad Incident - Top Chef completed their two-part Restaurant Wars episode and SPOILER ALERT the Orange Team completely screwed the pooch on nearly every facet of the challenge.  Their lunch service ran ridiculously late and delayed any productive prep time for dinner.  Each guy on that team faced some serious harsh criticism for various shortcomings in their dishes and/or job performance.  Each of them faced elimination but only one of them had to "pack their knives and go".  I won't ruin it but I was pleased to see this chef hit the bricks.  

Parenting Storytime - When you're home alone with two small children diaper changes regularly become a group activity.  My 10 month old is a mover and a shaker and loves to pull up on anything these days.  My 2+ y/o has recently embraced a daredevil lifestyle that wasn't present three months ago.  A normal bit that we do after concluding his diaper change on top of his changing station/dresser is a modified chest bump where he dives into my chest and I do a figure skater-type lift with him to bonk his head on the ceiling; he loves it.  One day last week things were setting up perfect for our normal post-diaper routine when H2 showed up to ruin our timing.  She was pulling up on his dresser and my Dad clairvoyance quickly predicted that she was about to pinch four of her fingers in the open drawer.  I bent over at the waist to save her digits at the exact moment that H1 went into his BASE jumper release.  BAM!  Amazingly he "landed" bellyflop-style on my lower back and I quickly pinned him against my back with my free hand and prevented a trip to the ER.  It felt like a skit from Police Academy or Naked Gun only with a lot more tears and startled looks. 

February 6, 2016

This week: The Bachelor, Top Chef, Random Thoughts, XM Hits of the Month and more...

Because you know you've watched it too... - Project Runway I like.  Top Chef (see below) I enjoy.  I've even watched Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta a few episodes at a time.  But The Bachelor is the classic example of trainwreck TV; I can't look away sometimes when E has it on.  Aside: its on for two hours (!!!) but the OnDemand version is only 45 mins which means 75 mins of commercials.  Ridiculous.  This week's cliffhanger has me agonizing over whether Ben's gonna give Olivia the boot.  She is definitely a conniving, manipulative coquette that needs to get her bus ticket back to Harpy Island.  Ben deserves better.  And, I'd like to note, that Ben was a pretty stand-up guy when he was classy enough to take the twins to their Mom's place so that when he dumped Twin #2 she could be consoled by her Mom.  That's exactly how I broke up with the set of twins I dated in college.  Well played, Ben.   

Drama good, tension bad - Top Chef did their Restaurant Wars episode this week and left us hanging with the old "to be continued..." conclusion.  The Restaurant Wars episode never disappoints, but each season the combination of drama & tension shifts more towards the excruciating side of tense.  It makes it almost unbearable to watch Jeremy make such a terrible decision to ignore the rest of his team's tables in favor of giving the judges their dishes.  He's a damn good chef and was a major frontrunner coming into this challenge, but his smug bravado is putting him at serious risk of going home.   Tune in this Thursday at 9pm EST on Bravo for the dramatic conclusion as the teams transition to dinner service and everyone's roles change.  

Random thoughts - 

• In my free time I just wanna sit outside the Chick Fil A drive thru and chuck water balloons at the people who refuse to circle the building to enter the drive thru line, instead choosing to do that half-assed, lazy line-cutting nonsense
• Can we put an indefinite moratorium on announcers using all things "video game" related?  "Oh man, he hit the circle button", "he's doing things you only see in video games", "he hit him with the truck stick".  Come on, Jay Bilas, you're better than that.  Its a tired reference and it needs to be shelved for 10 years minimum.  
• I coined some new terms for my buddy who hates "man cave".  "Bro boudoir" and "dude dungeon".  Got any others?

XM Hits of the Month - These songs burrowed into my ears in January and stayed awhile.

• Blow by Kesha
• Get ur Freak On by Missy Elliott
• Southern Cross by Crosby, Stills, and Nash
• Just Like Heaven by The Cure
• What Do I Have to Do? by Stabbing Westward
• My Girl by The Temptations
• Runaway by Elvis Presley
• Fire & the Flood by Vance Joy
• Blowing Me Up by JC Chasez
• Sound & Color by Alabama Shakes (video is Michael Jackson's Scream meets Matt Damon's The Martian)
• They Reminisce Over You by Pete Rock & CL Smooth
• Hay by Crucial Conflict (some of my best car-dancing in years)
• Time Bomb by Rancid
• Oh Boy by Cam'ron
• Dirt Off Your Shoulder by Jay-Z
• Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne
• People of the Sun by Rage Against the Machine

DraftKings Winning Lineup - I've been playing a TON of free contests just to pass the time; I signed up for nearly 50 in the last 24 hours alone.  But this one back on Monday won me a phat payday of $1.80.  Lunch is on me.  Wanna split a small fry?

• PG Deron Williams
• SG Aaron Afflalo
• SF Chandler Parsons
• PF Kristaps Porzingis
• C Tyson Chandler
• G Archie Goodwin
• F Draymond Green
• Util Devin Booker

NOTE: If you ever pondered "if I was a GM I would just load up on Kentucky Wildcats, I'm guaranteed 50 wins".  Uh, think again.  The Suns have four former Wildcats (Bledsoe, Knight, Goodwin, Booker) and are 14-37.  And the Kings boast three (Cousins, Cauley-Stein, Rondo) and are 21-29.  

The Big Game powered by Copyright Infringement, Inc. - In less than 24 hours from this writing we'll have a Super Bowl Champion; after two weeks of hub-bub and fanfare we're finally gonna see a game.  And everyone (me included) has predicted one of two likely outcomes: Panthers rout or Broncos nailbiter.  Well, I'm ready to step outside the lockstep of American talking heads and predict a Bronco beatdown.  Seattle and Arizona were forced to abandon the run and throw the ball to fight back from huge deficits.  They rushed the ball 12 and 16 times, respectively.  Carolina boasts a Top 5 rush defense but they haven't faced a team committed to the run since Week 16 when Atlanta rushed 30 times (albeit for 77 yds).  If Denver can churn out 4 or 5 yd gains with the above-average tandem of Ronnie Hillman and C.J. Anderson and avoid falling behind early they could set themselves up for a 28-10 shocker.  Their defense is relentless and will be all over Cam Newton and likely return at least one interception for a score.  I'm officially picking Denver to run roughshod over an unsuspecting Panthers team that has very little experience playing from behind.

January 30, 2016

This week: NFL season comes to a close, UFC news, Parenting Story, and more...

Manning rides his battered Bronco into the Bay Area - The NFL Conference Title games went in opposite directions from each other and certainly didn't fit the expectations of most prognosticators.  Denver defended home-field with a tenacious, pressuring assault on Tom Brady and still had to sweat it out at the end of a 20-18 battle.  Meanwhile Carolina totally torched a Cardinals team that looked horribly outmatched in every phase of the game.  Heading into to Super Bowl week its fairly obvious that most of America is preparing for a Panther rout.  The extra week of preparation is the X-factor when it comes to the Super Bowl as both teams can iron out any gameplan tendencies that their opponent can exploit.  The chess match began Monday morning this week and while I still expect the Panthers to throttle Denver to a tune of 45-10, I'm really hoping for a 24-21 nailbiter.  Either way I'll be watching the commercials.  For fun, here's one of my faves.  It really struck a chord with me in that "American Spirit" kinda way.  Plus, who doesn't love Paul Harvey?

Newton haters?? - A frequent talking point this week was "Cam Newton is disrespected because he's (insert negative term here)".  Loud, irreverent, unsportsmanlike, selfish, arrogant, immature, depending on who you were listening to.  What bugged me about all this coverage was the fact that I never saw anyone actually report that, or write that, or assert the first-person position that Cam Newton is a loud-mouthed bum who doesn't deserve to play in the NFL or anyone go that extra step and vilify him because of his race.  I heard people talking about people who felt that way, but I never saw a specific example of that negative posturing.  It feels like a bunch of bluster over nothing.  Or worse, veiled negative commentary presented from a second-person POV.  For the record, I have no issues with Cam as a player (and have no opinion on him as a person, but he seems like a swell guy).  He's big, athletic, and committed to winning while honing his craft.  I have zero opinion on his race since I believe race is only an issue because people make it an issue.  Lots of intolerance based on race goes away when we ignore race altogether and assess character instead.  He's a great quarterback having an MVP campaign this season; just tip your cap to the man and wish him good health.  And I'm a Falcons fan :)  Btw, if you have some hard evidence of someone taking an assertive stance on "Cam sucks and here's why", then I'd like to examine it.  

UFC took it on the chin this week - UFC 196 was slated as the marquee Super Bowl weekend PPV featuring the granddaddy of 'em all, a heavyweight title fight.  Unfortunately both the champ Fabricio Werdum and the challenger (and former champ) Cain Velasquez suffered injuries which forced the UFC to make a bold, unprecedented move and scrap the main event altogether, elevate the co-main event and strip the PPV status from this card.  Now, everyone will get another free card on FS1.  Mark it on your calendar!! Saturday February 6, 10pm EST.

And now you know... - The term "bury the hatchet" traces back to Native American culture when warring tribes would settle their differences peacefully and as a symbolic show of good faith they would bury a hatchet.  The inverse is true, too.  If either side wanted to express an end to peace time, they would dig up the hatchet, tap gloves, and wait for Big John McCarthy to scream "LET'S GET IT ON!!".  And now you know.*

I still have no game, but neither does Russell Wilson - I stumbled across this little tidbit and laughed out loud for several minutes, and I couldn't exactly pinpoint why it was so funny to me.  I guess I just identified with that juvenile practice of feigning being suave and debonair like some corny rom-com where the nerd makes all the right moves despite the supreme embarrassment.  That, and Russell Wilson getting burned on Twitter just seemed really hilarious at the time. 

I'm pro-vaccination and not afraid to toss this out there - I fall squarely in the pro-vaccination camp, but don't really enjoy the social awkwardness that comes with discussing this with friends.  So, I'll let my new favorite snarky YouTube sensation ZDogg MD express my sentiments for me.

Parenting Storytime - Last weekend the weatherman dumped about 4 inches of snow and sleet in our area.  24 hours after it began things had settled down and I began the arduous shoveling process that never plagued me in my four years living in Florida (I'd still take shoveling snow over anything in Gainesville....except Tijuana Flats, I love me some Tijuana Flats).  H1 joined me outside as I started to dig out a path for my Swagger Wagon to safely exit our driveway.  I quickly became equal parts exhausted and self-conscious that my busybody neighbor and the snot-nosed punks down the street were watching me wondering how many times I was gonna fake talking to my son when, in fact, I was taking a breather between every third shovel hoist.  "Honey, come watch the big guy across the street act like he's chatting with his two year old".  I was able to slice a path in the meager icepack and had discarded the chunks of mini-icebergs in my yard with each shovel toss.  I then moved to the windshield of the van, opposite of my driveway swath, and started sweeping off the powder and ice.  Meanwhile, H1 is meandering around playing with his cars and scooter and what-not.....I thought.  I spent about ten minutes hyperfocused on achieving clear driving visibility and returned to the rear of the van only to find that my son had moved more than 25 mini-icebergs "back where they go".  Yep, he'd spent ten minutes walking back-and-forth putting the snow back behind the van because he likes for things to be where they belong.  And that is where they stayed, no more shoveling for this walrus.

*courtesy of The Book of Useless Knowledge by Dan Voorhees